Is 4 1/2 months too long for her to come back

[scorchio]

I PROMISE I dont believe in false hopes, I am realistic,

 

I am waiting by the phone for that text out of blue a little less now, BUT still want that to happen of course as im missing her soo much.

 

THE thing im beating myself up with is that 4 1/2months being split up is a long time for her to change her mind.........................

 

been split 4 1/2months

N/C 3 1/2months - ouch its tearing me apart I am trying tho

 

 

please someone give me a little ease and tell me 4 1/2months isnt too long in the scheme of things.

[hockeyboy]

dont sit around waiting for a phone call that may never come. you need to get up and get out of your rut. go meet new people, try new things. what makes this girl so special? wouldnt you agree that the right girl for you is one that would make you feel good, not horrible? i asked my girl why she liked me last night actually and know what she said..."cause you make me feel good about myself." This girl is not making you feel good about yourself. The longer you wait the longer your going to hurt. Its not easy to get up and get out. It doesnt work right away either, it takes time. Kind of like if you had a sports injury...you would have to rehab and slowly get back in shape...well thats all your gonna do now except its with your heart. You'll be alright if you choose to be.

[boomer1619]

well, i really dont want to rain on your parade, but i would think that what is best for you, is that you set it in your head that she will NEVER change her mind. That is what is healthiest for your well being. You can move on, kill all the hope you have, and just feel better about yourself. You cant go on with your life, thinking that she just might call and say she regrets being away from you. Chances arent always good Unfortunately in these situations, so its up to you to make the best of it, and tell yourself that you are better off with out them if they make you feel that way. I am going through a similar situation, but VERY fresh, but I keep telling myself, that the love of my life, will NEVER leave me, or NEVER make me feel the way others have. THe girl im dealing with now, she just added herself to the list of women that have not been sincere, through time, you can easily get over them when they do it.

[studygirl]

Hey scorchio,

I can completely sympathize with you, however, every individual situation is different. I feel like you are harboring false hopes because of what you posted...I agree with boomer in that the healthiest and best thing for you is to believe that she will NOT change her mind. We all have some grandiose ideas of how love should be and in reality it is not that way. You should definitely move on with your life and focus on making yourself happy. If you can't be happy alone, you won't be happy together. For your sake, it would be best to believe that it is over and done with, and move on with your life. Good luck.

[Mun]

Mine came back after 3 years so 5 months is nothing. Imagine if I'd stopped living hoping he would change and come looking for me? I would have missed out on so much living and learning I had to do.

 

Keep moving forward and trust that if she doesn't call it's because she isn't meant for you--right now---or that there is someone else out there who is a better fit.

mantra: send me not who I want but who is better suited for me.

[annie24]

Mine also came back after 3 years. (Just one, not all of them.) What are you going to do? Sit around waiting by the phone for the next few years of your life, hoping, waiting, praying she changes her mind? That doesn't sound like a fun way to live your life....

 

Like HB said, get out there, do stuff. I like the sports injury analogy... just take it slow, things will get better. Good luck

[Adelle]

Mine also came back after 3 years. (Just one, not all of them.)

 

 

Muncea and Anne24 --

Within those three years apart, how often and in what capacity did you stay in touch. Just random phone convos once every few months, or emails, or seeing each other ... what exactly did you do in order to remain a prominent figure in their mind for three years?? And who initiated the 'get back together' ... the original dumper or the dumpee?

 

And Scorchio ... i don't think 4.5 months is the end of the world, it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. Although, I think it does matter a lot how old you guys are (in terms of, where you're at in life, not specifically your age per se)....

[annie24]

Back in high school (I was 17), my bf was being a total jerk towards me. Well, I may have been smothering him a tad, but that doesn't excuse his jerkiness or him cheating on me with an ugly girl. (A victoria's secret model I would understand, but her!?!?! ) (he was my best friend in high school for the 3 years prior to dating, and then we dated 4 months.)

 

Anyways, I broke up with him, but only because he was totally ignoring me. I stopped talking to him. A few months later, when we graduated, we never saw each other again. Then, when I was in college, out of the blue, 3 years later, he called and did all the "I love you, I need you, I was a jerk" blah blah blah crap. (I think you can tell I didn't take him back )

 

During those 3 years, I moved on. I didn't sit around waiting or anything or expecting to ever hear from him again. I just moved on with my life. He found my contact information because he knew which city I had moved to, and he called 411 (the operator). He told me, otherwise, his backup plan was just to find me through my university's records. If they want to talk to you, trust me, they will find a way to contact you.

 

So, no. I never had to remind him I existed. I never called, or wrote or anything. You are not easily forgotten

[waiting]

Sometimes they take a while to figure themselves out. Mine has been with another guy for 14 months and still doesnt know what will happen to us, and is still trying to work out what she wants. So patience is not a bad thing, if you really want it and you think a chance still exists.

 

BUT - dont let it get in the way of your own life. Dont ignore someone who could be special should they drop in your lap. Dont run your life as if its on hold until they decide. You have made it clear no doubt of what you want, its now up to them to decide if they want to as well. Nothing you can do can make that decision for them.

 

Live life on the premise its over for good, and you may be pleasently surprised one day. But you may not.

[skyjuice]

Hi annie24,

 

Thanks annie, you provide some inspiration to me.

 

After he got your contact information, how does he approach you?

Why would you accept him back into your life? Did he change?

Is it that he did all the chasing? Do you play hard to get?

 

Thank you.

[Royltnxile]

Scorchio,

 

I understand your hurt and your pain, the waiting and wondering, and the state of "limbo" you are in. I"ve been there basically for 6 months myself and know how much it sucks.

 

I've read alot of your posts and they all say the same thing: "when will she come back?". You are looking for an answer that no amount of posts on this board can give you. The truth is no one knows whats going to happen with her...she doesn't even know! Stop beating yourself up over this girl, especially when there are so many other good ones out there who are capable of apprecaiting a good guy such as yourself. It's not worth it.

 

Here is what you must do, and I speak from experience.

 

Let her go...at least for "now"...accept that it is over with this girl.

Start focusing on yourself, live your life, improve yourself.

Live your life as if she were never in it, and as if you will never see her again.

 

You must disconnect yourself from her. You can still "love" her, but from a distance. Let go with love and move on. Get yourself out and doing things, start looking at other women, date other women, get laid. You are accomplishing nothing by sitting around waiting. You must let go.

 

Nothing can bring her back except her deciding to come back. There is nothing you can do to influence that decision except leave her alone.

 

Good luck, you can do it, and things will get better!

[scorchio]

thankyou all for your kind replies,

 

its hurting tremendously at mo,

 

 

I am taking ALL your advice on board and trying my best to act upon it, you are all very kind.

 

I am trying to get her out of her mind and the negative thoughts etc...........

 

I suppose my biggest worry, is that she might meet someone else and may stop any hope further down the line of a reconcilliation with me.

 

Dont worry, I know i cant wait round myself either AND I WONT promise

[Echo]

Scorchio...

 

I can totally relate to your pain, but you must move past the "what if's".

I know this is a pretty brutal way of putting things....but "WHAT IF" she IS with someone else? Is that when you will decide to move on? WHAT IF she never wants to hear from you again? You might just assume that anyway...because she has NOT contacted you even once.

I treat my ex as if he is dead because thats the only way I can move past these feelings of getting back together. I cannot allow myself to have hope because THAT'S what is keeping me stuck.

It's SO easy to see ANY little sign as hope or MAYBE a chance. While that makes us feel better short term..in the long run, it keeps us from moving forward. Just think....if 4 months ago, you stopped thinking about her, or stopped hoping she would return....where you would be emotionally right NOW. Chances are, you would be 100 times stronger...and maybe even OK enough to contact her , without feeling devastated if she didn't reply.

Everyday that goes by that you hold onto false hope ..is another day you have not truly LIVED. Start living again.