brahman Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 1. because you were my very first true love 2. because you never truly loved me 3. because i told you i loved you 4. because you didnt say it back 5. because it could have been so good you dont even know 6. because you forever ruined my deepest emotion, LOVE 7. because if it wasnt for you i wouldnt be with the one i love now 8. because you helped me in ways that were unimaginable 9. becasue i trusted you with my heart so much and you totally jacked up my whole life and didnt even bother to say sry 10. because you were the biggest lie of my life and because of you i will forever be better. thankyou rot in hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
depends Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 brahman, now thats full of emotion!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unchained_melody Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Amen to that. That's what i feel like saying to my ex right now!..but Relax..I'm in controll. 10 Reasons why I should never give my ex a second chance with me again: 1. You torn a hole inside my heart you selfish pig. 2. You have difficulty expressing your feelings or problems leaving me guessing our world was in magic land. You have a mental problem. 3. You can't keep a job, you're a loser. How can I rely on you if I ever accidently lose my job?. 4. You can't save money and you talk about big dreams that are only words and bulls*** stuff. I can't work with you to achieve our dreams because when we're about to reach the finishing line - you kept tripping over and I had to keep coming back for you. What am I? a babysitter! 5. You broke my heart and the world I had with you so much that you give me nightmares at night and when i wake up. 6. You can't have children, cause you had a vasectomy done for some stupid reason that you do regret plus you can't afford to get it reversed god knows when. So there goes my blood line for ya. How can i marry a man who can't give me children? what an embarrassment and upset to the rest of both our families. 7. You are an arrogant idiot. When we were in china, you acted like you were King Kong and pushed and shuved your way through the streets violently because your chin is that high up in the air that you don't consider respecting other cultures and being humble. You will only get me into trouble. 8. I gave everything I had just for you, I gave up my parent's offer to get me a house, I sold my car, I left the apartment and sold most of my things, I quit my ok job as a supervisor...and for what? Just so I could follow you around in order for you to achieve your dreams, when you still failed keeping a job overseas anyway. I gave up alot just for you and all you do in return is break my heart and wasted 9 freakin months of my life! I lost so many career opportunities and goals when I was with you - you are bad luck to me! 9. You have too many problems, you are too messed up in your life that you become too highly sensitive. You take offense to what people say to you that hurts you alot and you retaliate easily. Well I don't think I deserve to be the next 'victim'. let alone suffer a broken heart they way you broke it ever again! 10. You've changed your name 3 times in the past, you constantly lie to people in order to take advantage of them. Then you especially lied to me which I knew you were lying. Now I doubt if you ever lied about those things you told me about your past, or even how you really felt about me. How can I trust a LIAR?.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unchained_melody Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Oh yeah one more thing, 11 - You have trouble being intimate with me and cant give the sexual satisfaction that i need. Well there you go. The best way to get over it is to just Hate him! I'm trying my best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crushed_rejected Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 I love the top ten poetry entry - good way of dealing im going to try it. Top ten sorry 11!!!also seems a good way forward - Hate them. Really really am trying to get to that stage but for some ungodly reason i cant!!! I look at his picture and miss him, instead of saying you a** you ripped my heart out and stamped all over it, and then made the pain so much worse by throwing heartless information at me, just incase you hadnt already succeeded in crushing me already!!!!So yeah working on the hate thing if anyone knows how to get there quicker please let me know!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Unchained why is his job situation your problem? You shouldn't have to rely on a boyfriend in case you ever lose your job. The guy could be messed up. That being said, sounds sorta like you wanna get back with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unchained_melody Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Well I am not depending on him having a job? where the hell did all that come from?. For the first 3 months of going out with him, he kept losing jobs, I held unto mine, paid the bills, struggled to pay other bills. He was feeding off me the whole time. Sacrifised alot so that he could get to his career dream but then he failed that too. Hey! I hang unto him, I was patient, I helped him when he needed it, I encouraged him, and most of all I f***** loved him. But what does he do in return Napoleon? he gave up on me and ran away, broke my hopes and dreams, everything! Okay I'll tell you what you wanna hear...Yes! I do want him back, I want him back so much that I have to somehow force myself to just Hate him so I can move on. I am struggling to move on. do you know what that feels like? I can't keep wondering if he wants me back or this or that. I'm gonna drive myself nuts. Simple.. I know he's got more cons than pros, So? ofcourse my mind thinks - I am not a pea brain! there are alot of men out there who aren't messed up like he is and who can give me alot more love and greater happiness. It's my heart that doesn't agree. I can't get my heart to listen to my head - it just doesn't work because they're completely different. So I may as well get my heart to feel anger towards him instead of love. maybe i can move on faster.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unchained_melody Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Napoleon, relationships aren't just about love. It's about having enough money to buy food and to feed your future kids. If I had gotten back with him? I would probably have a very bad future with him. He's got a criminal record oh, yeah I forgot to mention that. Yes it is a red flag that I somehow ignored when i first dated him because I was stupid and fell inlove. Oh I don't rely on anybody for a job thank u very much. I have a university degree and I'm an international english teacher which is big bucks only tiring when travelling. I'm just annoyed at the fact that If he goes down, I go down with him. Overseas I was successful in 2 jobs, the company begged for me to stay. Why I didn't stay? because he got fired and they terminated his visa. So? I had to follow my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 unchained my point is relationships should be pretty much just be about love and compatibility, and having kids should just be an after thought before any of that otherwise you wouldn't be dating any poor people which would be quite obnoxious and nasty. That being said, I already know what he did was nasty to you and I know he has damaged you very much. I wanted to hear you talk about it passionately so I could understand what was going on. Why did he leave? Another woman? What did you know about his character going in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unchained_melody Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Yes I agree, love is about compatibility. We were compatible in everything and in anything. We were like ying and yang, even he said it. Sure he had quite alot of flaws but I didn't care because we loved eachother and that was all that mattered to me. But to him, it wasn't just about love, he was the one that convinced me that I deserved better. Our relationship started in November last year, on his birthday, 2nd of nov. After 2 months of seeing him, we decided to move in together because we both wanted to buy a house. I met his parents, he met mine, his mother loved me very much and we were very close, and my parents liked him too. We had so many dreams and goals. We'd talk about them almost everynight. We were like a team. He was like the bestfriend I never had too. He had this business thing going on, but that went down and he didn't have work. I helped him look for work, he got work but then kept losing it. I struggled for a month trying to pay bills and working. We started arguing about money but then everything was always fine afterwards. We decided to go overseas to teach english, his mother really wanted him to do this. She thought it was a great idea, he thought this was the kind of job he was looking for and we were all excited about it. I left everything I had at home, sold my car, my parents begged me to stay because they were going to get me a house - and I said , sorry mum sorry dad, i love him, i have to go.. I quit my job, and it had only been 1 month sinced i got promoted. My boss was devastated about me leaving. I left everything - to be with him. To follow my heart. When we arrived in China, homesickness, the heavy workload and sickness and all the travelling got to me. Actually it got to both of us. Because of all the stress we started arguing constantly over anything. then afterwards we said to eachother - it's just the place, it's just stress, we both loved eachother to death and laughed it off after we argued and continued to work and travel and be by eachother's side. After 3 months in China teaching English, he got fired because his teaching wasn't good enough. I tried to encourage him alot and helped us find another job in another city. The School begged me to stay, the director was upset that I had to leave too. Ofcourse? he's my partner I have to go with him. But everyone in that school appreciated me, besides all what I could have been sucessful with i ignored because i wanted to be with him. Sad, I was beginning to get used to that place. It was wonderful. So we moved to another city After that we found a city called 'Harbin' near Russia. It's a mixture of the Russian and Chinese culture. It was a very interesting place. We were glad we got accepted to work for a minimum of 1 year and it was a very new school too in this high tower building. We worked on the 29 floor. The work got abit too much after a while, and we barely had time for eachother or even to sleep comfortable hours. We both got stressed out again and started arguing. Constant arguments about money, work, time stuff like that. I said things to him I didn't mean at the time and I regret that. But he took offense to that, and he did not tell me what was bothering him. Picture this, during an argument we both would laugh out loud? and we got over it the next day. But it seems like he didn't get over it that easily. He smiled, he laughed, he hugged and kissed me, how was I supposed to suspect he was feeling miserable after all? I asked him, he said he's happy, everything's fine. But it really wasn't to him deep down. Anyway, before I suspected anything, He got fired again from this school, the students complained about his lack of resources. I was devastated. We argued that night alot. I cried alot thinking why are these horrible things happenning?! We decided to go back to Australia. He said we'll rest for about 1 month and then we'll go to another country. And I agreed. When we got to Australia, he changed alot. I mean he started becoming really quiet and we barely talked. Then one day I had this feeling that he was very distant. I kept asking him, if there was anything wrong. And he said no, nothing was wrong. I told him that to me he's changed alot, and he turned around and said that I've changed alot too. This led to an argument, a big one. And then he said he wanted TIME APART. I was hurt and shocked. That night he told me everything he had been feeling in china, he told me how his love for me got smaller and smaller - After each and every argument that was.. I asked why didn't you tell me that back then? All those times we told eachother we loved eachother, I loved him just as much and he loved me too - but he didn't let me know it wasn't that much anymore. all this came as a shock to me. If he had told me everything back in china, it would have given me the opportunity of fixing the problem in our relationship. Then he told me He didn't love me anymore and that if he couldn't find those feelings again during our time apart, it would be over. I was literally walking on eggs. I didn't know what to do. I read books, I talked to ppl, I wanted to save our relationship. He on the other hand did not do anything. He told me he enjoyed his time to himself. It sounded so awful and cold. That was the point where my Heart did literally break into pieces. I was extremely hurt. I was crying, I was asking him why? what's gotten into him? I'm sorry for everything, I begged. There was a time when he called me and said 'It's Over'. I begged to please not give up on us. He said, it's over right now, at the moment he said he's got too many problems to handle, financial debts, no work, his health everything. He had 3 reasons as to why he broke up with me. The 1st one was that he didn't feel sexual and romantic towards me anymore. I asked him why and he said he just woke up one morning and I didn't turn him on. 2nd reason, he said that I deserved better. He said he didn't want to take me down with him with all his problems and financial debts. He said it would take him 20 years to get back on his feet again with money and he said that I couldn't wait around for that. When I said, I would caused I loved him, but then he would use the 1st reason to back him up that he didn't love me though. 3rd reason was that all the arguments and fights even back in China were all too much for him. And he told me everything he felt which he's never told me before. I apologised a dozen times to him and that I realised my mistakes, we won't argue, we'll try not to. We can work through this, other couples have..But he didn't wanna work through it. And So, that's the story. Napoleon. hope I made sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 I'm half asleep as I read this but yeah you made sense and I think I might have some valuable input into what happened that comes from both personal experience and my knowledge of psychology etc. People tend to feel, think and have a lot of the same problems all over the world. It's the solutions they come up with and how good or bad they take it that is usually what's the most unique. I think I might know part of what happened. You may or may not have already thought about what I suggest but it is something to consider. Will talk more though when I'm not about to slump over onto my keyboard and drool everywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoldMeTightly Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 wait, i thought this was brahman's entry?... originally? maybe im stupid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Hold it was. It isn't anymore. I am hijacking this thread and taking over. Either you are with me or against me. If you aren't with me, get outta the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty789 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 to the top ten entry it was aamzing, full of emotion, blunt, yet contrasting with enough detail that some of us can relate to your situation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brahman Posted August 28, 2005 Author Share Posted August 28, 2005 lol, thanks for the props. yeah i now she hijacked my topic but people gotta vent somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts