Should I be scared???

[spanisheyes]

Ok my boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. We've been seeing each other and everything is cool (frustrating) but we've been getting along ok.

 

Today I was messing around on the computer and a co-worker and I went into this website where you can put in someones name and it will tell you if they have any kind of public record against them (small claim, domestic, divorce, etc) We were checking up on the people we work with just for fun. I put in my name, my bro's name, best friend, etc. I also put in my boyfriend's name.

 

It showed 2 cases of domestic violence against him. One was from a few years ago but one was filed August 9, 2005! I know the old one is his because I recognize the girl's name as one of his ex's. But the new one I'm not sure is his because he has a sorta common name. There were several cases for his same name but I could tell they weren't actually him.

 

Anyhow, he has never laid a hand on me. He has grabbed my wrist once when I was trying to walk away and grabbed my face because I refused to look at him but I've never been afraid of him being violent with me.

 

Should I say anything to him about finding this out? Obviously he has never mentioned it, but I don't want him to think I was going behind his back again. (see previous posts) We truly were just looking for the heck of it, being nosey I guess.

 

Should I continue to persue resuming our relationship? And what if for some reason, this recent charge also belongs to him?

[DiscipleOfChange]

Well, how common is his name? I mean John Smith is one thing but if you are sure it is him, or even want to ask him about it, I'd be careful about how you go about it. I'm not even sure how you could easily bring it up. With regards to resuming the relationship, that's your call. If you feel good about it than yes but if you have doubts, I wouldn't do it.

 

~Mark

[arwen]

I really wonder how reliable a free source of information like this would be. Is there any way you could contact the ex? Do you know anything specific about their relationship? She might have accused him falsely as well, of course.

 

Ilse.

[spanisheyes]

I got the information through a county website.... link removed

 

 

And his name isn't like "John Smith" But I saw a lot of different cases that were under the same name that I KNOW do not belong to him....

[arwen]

Since this seems to be an official site, maybe you can contact them for information? I think the best (but most scary way though) is to be open about your findings to the person they concern: your bf.

 

Ilse.

[chai714]

Anyhow, he has never laid a hand on me. He has grabbed my wrist once when I was trying to walk away and grabbed my face because I refused to look at him but I've never been afraid of him being violent with me.

 

Although you don't see this as violent, it IS violent and shows no self-control. I've been in 2 long term relationships - one lasting 2 years and the other 5 years. Not one time did I display any violence toward either of them. He grabbed your face because you refused to look at him? I may be playing this up too much, but be aware with him - usually males who have a history of domestic violence don't stop it without some kind of intervention. And this intervention is usually the police, followed by enrollment of some type of program. So, just be aware.

[Tigris]

Keep away from him!

 

Find yourself someone better.

 

By the sound of it you've had a lucky escape!

 

Good luck and take care.