Libido and sexual frustrations

[Hello90]

Well, my girlfriend and I have encountered a problem.

 

It started out a while back when she would get 'tired' while just making out. She didn't want to continue. It's fine, I said, and went to sleep. This would happen occasionally, but usually only at night.

 

Well, now she hasn't been in the mood for a few days, and I don't understand why. She never really had a high libido, but she just finished her period (probably a reason for a sudden slump). I have talked to her and she just says she "doesn't know" why she doesn't want to do anything sexual. I asked her if it was as simple as not being in "the mood" and she said it wasn't. She mentioned something about it not being 'special' because we had been doing it so much the past few days. I re-assured her that i thought it was special, and wasn't actually so much about the feeling as it was the connection.

 

Well, the conclusion we reached was "it's up to her." I want her to initiate if she wants to have sex or anything similiar. I told her that she needs to tell me beforehand if she is in a mood to do more than small pecks if I initiate anything. (She didn't like that idea because she didn't want to "plan everything out", but I told her she needs to at least communicate with me so I don't feel rejected)

 

I don't think it's my ability to please her, I can make her come without problems and she seems to enjoy it.

 

Has anyone been in a similiar situation? Any conclusions?

 

We're supposed to do something later tonight, so we'll see if she's 'in the mood.' But I might just end up taking care of myself... again

[SlipperySammy]

Good luck...search 'low libido' or posts I have made on this forum, you will find lots of guys in your same situation. It isn't an easy situation, because the more you bug her about it, or talk to her it might put 'pressure' on her and then she will feel even more unsexual.

 

overall it can be a very frustrating situation for you. I would recomend searching this board for answers and be carefull before you 'pressure' her or get mad at her for the way she is acting.

[Hello90]

Thanks,

 

I've read many posts and many stories. I'm not going to pressure her. I'm going to let her come on to me and I won't even mention it. I'm gonna try to make her feel comfortable.

 

It's really hard though, because I feel so... frustrated, inadequate, confused....

[smallworld]

Assuming it's not a hormonal imbalance, "Not being special" is code for "I need to be romanced (and a lot of heartfelt conversation wouldn't hurt either), Mister." Foreplay doesn't begin when you two hop into bed. It begins first thing in the morning when you wake up and kiss her "good morning." And it's in all the small things you do throughout the day to woo her and let her know you're thinking about her and she's the only woman for you.

 

Rather than list those things, I suggest going down to your local library and checking out the book Light Her Fire by Dr. Ellen Kreidman. Follow the instructions in there faithfully, and I'm sure you'll soon be rewarded with some excellent results.

[Tigris]

Maybe she needs romantic gestures?

 

I don't know how old you are so I'll just give you a general idea.

 

A bunch or a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates, a meal for two somewhere, a walk in a park, a walk on the beach, a weekend away,etc.

 

It sounds to me like she wants this sort of thing. A night in shining armour to whisk her away on a white horse,. Not a quick grope and getting it on!

 

Let us know how you're getting on.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Hello90]

I do all of that... I massage her voulentarily, I kiss her (small kisses) plenty, I hug her, I even bought her something yesterday... I guess I can try to do more though...

 

Thanks for the book reccomendation, I will definitely look into that!

[Iceman26]

I wouldnt talk to her anymore about it. I would just lay low for a while, let her come to you. It sounds like you guys have a fairly decent sex life, and maybe she just wants to take it easy for a while, I dont know. See if that helps.

 

I wouldnt buy her anything right away, just be yourself. Maybe take her to a nice dinner this week or do something she likes to do. Just hang out with her, hug her and kiss her.Be yourself, just be less.........horny I guess.

 

I know it sucks and its frustrating, but if you want to be with this girl, you may be doing the five knuckle shuffle for a while.

 

If she loves you, she will see to your needs, and if she doesnt, well, there are plenty of women out there that will. Good luck.

[heloladies21]

Well friend, this is a tough situation indeed. The thing is, girls are very sensitive about this kind of subject, so it's best not to talk serious about it and relax and let her come around. Give it some time, but not too long cause you deserve to be happy too, and if your partner isn't making you happy, it might be time to find someone who can.

[Puddin]

As a woman who went through this over a 20 year marriage, all I can say is talk again but be prepared to move on. My husband was the one with the low libido and towards the past 10 years, it really bothered me.

 

These are things to talk about even before becoming intimate with someone who you think has relationship potential.

[Hello90]

well, today has come and gone, I spent some time with her, tried to do tons of small things (nothing really abnormal for me though). Things that used to get her going didn't and times when she would get herself going didn't work out the same way.

 

She said "see it feels better when we don't do it for a while." I said "yeah, it always feels good though." Maybe, I'm not reading into this correctly...

 

Still frustrated... still venting... still trying my best not to show it!