a 28 year old attracted to a 19 year old, what to do?

[hot_to_trot]

Hello there,

 

I have not posted in this section before, and I am kind of embarrassed with what I am about to ask, but I don't think my friends would respect me very much if I told them about how I am feeling right now...

 

I am 28 years old, and I am attracted to a 19-something year old. I generally like younger men, but a 19 year old is kinda like "robbing-the-cradle", even for me. It gets better... he is living with me right now while he is going to school here to learn English. He comes from France and will be leaving in 2 weeks. The problem is that I am suppose to be like a parent for him while he lives with me, so I am very embarrassed of these feelings. The accent goes without saying, it is beautiful, but that is not why I find myself attracted to him. He is extremely passionate about life, has very good manners,(his mother taught him very well!!!), and is very kind and generous. He is also very cute!

 

The problem I am facing is that I do not know if it's just the idea of "being in love" that I suddenly want to feel since I have not had a relationship in over 3 years, or, if it is truly a feeling I have for him. Also, I am afraid that if I act on these feelings, it could cause much awkwardness for our living arrangement for the next couple of weeks. Finally, I am 90% sure that he is a virgin, not that I would want to "go all the way" with him, but he seems like a good catholic boy.

 

What do you guys think I should do?

[shes2smart]

he is living with me right now while he is going to school here to learn English. He comes from France and will be leaving in 2 weeks. The problem is that I am suppose to be like a parent for him while he lives with me, so I am very embarrassed of these feelings.

 

Just because you have feelings doesn't mean you have to act on them. Since you are in this role, I'd suggest you behave and control yourself for the duration of his visit.

 

Now, after his visit, you can keep in touch with him and see what develops. He is an adult, and if he is interested in you beyond being part of his host family, he would be free to express that.

 

I married a man 11 years younger than me, so it's not the age difference I'd be wary about if I were you -- it's the circumstances you're in right now. Once your role as "host mom" passes, there's no reason you couldn't express an interest in him....but while you're supposed to be in that role I think it would be inappropriate to overstep those boundaries.

[Beec]

Well, if I were a 19 year old in a similar situation, I would be hoping you were the woman I was staying with.

 

He's 19, an adult, he can make some decisions for himself. He is not fully matured, so a longterm thing is probably not going to happen. If someone from the otuside knows, they will probably see it as tawdry. So, do you want two weeks of this guy in your bed or not? He probably does, I can remember back to be 19 and I would have wanted it, as would just about very other guy I knew.

 

So, if you want something, first, check out his body language. Does he check you out. Wear something to show some leg or cleavage and see if he reacts? This should tell you if he is or is not interested in a physical way. Next, talk to him. But talk in a round about way.

 

When I first met my gf, we played golf with another couple, who were were randomly matched up with. The husband kept telling hsi wife what to do when playing: how to swing; putt; etc. The wife did nto want to hear it. The husband was like an overbearing father and it was obvious. When I talked to my gf about it, we might have been talking about them, but we were also talking about who we were. What we thought came out of the conversation. Once you know some interest is there, try to figure out what he thinks about the idea.

 

If you think he wants to, and thinks the idea sits well with him, then go on in and bust a move, but once again, you better not be looking for love. this cannot be about much more than sex and good memory. he may come back for love in the future, but don't look for it. Bust a small move, then have a serious chat before you ever get to the bed room.

[avman]

I think because you are acting as a host family for him that you should not pursue this relationship. If that were not the case then I would say sure, go ahead with things. But he's in a compromised position because he is counting on you for a place to live, food, etc. It would be very unfair to him because he may feel he is obligated to your advances otherwise he will be out on the street.

 

After he leaves, keep in touch. If you both want to pursue things then, well thats a different story because he will have full freedom to make whatever decision he wants.