how can i help my troubled friend?

[cure_me]

Hi.

I've been friends with this girl (she's now eighteen) since we were 10 years old. She's always had difficulty getting close to others, which resulted in me being the only friend who's really stuck by her all this time. I just want to mention a few things about her which may or may not be relevant to the problem- she's adopted, and her parents are reasonably protective of her, but she rebels, gets herself into bad situations, and wants to hide it from them- she seems to think they will only be angry, so she doesn't confide in them. She's rarely been very connected to people/life at school (although she has made efforts at times and been involved in activities). About seven years ago she started lying to me and my other friend, about anything at all, little things, big things. We were still kids and we confronted her about it but thought she'd grow out of it. We went to different schools for a few years until 11th grade, when she was expelled for falsely accusing a teacher of sexually assaulting her. She had in fact made up the story (a cry for attention??) and so she transferred to my school. She seems to have issues with sex because throughout high school she would date and sleep with different guys, some of which she met through the internet and were years older than her and seemed to have stability issues of their own. She would also make up extravagant stories about the sexual things she'd done and sometimes be caught lying. Finally, things seemed to settle down a bit and for about a year I didn't hear of her doing these things. But I was away at college so I can't be sure, I guess. Now, though, she has a new boyfriend who is ten years older and lives a couple hours away, but she refuses to tell her parents because "they would disown me". She's gone to see him while her parents were away, and wants to again, but I told her I was worried and asked her to please stay. I told her I was concerned, and asked how well she knew him, and she said that she knows him pretty well, she said she knows his favorite color and stuff like that. And she was serious; that is her idea of actually knowing a person. I'm hoping she won't go to see him this time- I explained that I worry when she's off in another city with some guy and no one knows she's there. (She isn't a very good judge of character, and she makes some very stupid decisions. I'm not trying to make her look like an idiot, I've just seen it happen time and time again.) But I asked her if she could pay back some money she owes me, and she said that she owes other people money and did sexual favors to pay it. I told her, ok, forget it for now, DON'T do that to get my money for me. The reason she owes me is she was supposed to come to an event with me and couldn't make it because of her impromptu hitchhike to see her boyfriend. And this is the other problem: her excuse for ditching me and going to see her bf was that she was in a confused state of mind because her uncle had just raped her. She told me the circumstances of it but she said she couldn't remember the details, she just didn't know exactly how. Now, despite her previous lies, I said I believed her, because I can't be sure if it's true or not. Obviously it's a very serious accusation and if it isn't true she shouldn't be using it as an excuse for something. I told her to please talk to her parents about it and anything else she needs help with, but I don't know how else I can help. I'll be going back to college and I'm just praying she meets some true friends when she starts college too. And yeah, not that it matters in comparison, but I don't know how I'll get that money back from her when she's that embroiled in lies and/or problems. I know this was very long but any advice would be great... thanks.

[Beec]

Advice. Wow, I don't know where to start. She seems to have some major issues going on in her head, and I cannot tell you the source of them. But unless she wakes up and sees them, I don't see her changing her ways. Also, I would not be coddling her. She needs to be responsible for her actions and herself. Wow. She seems to need someone to slap her back into reality.