how many of you feel that you don't self disclose enough

[sfboi415]

First of all, I make sure to never tell potential friends or co-workers about my private, private things about me. However, I noticed that I rarely say anything about myself. Feelings about something, something that I do or what a friend does, describing my methods to someone, a movie that I watched, what I like or don't like, sharing my observations about a person or thing, or situation. I'm not totally quiet, because when another person brings up something that they like to talk about, I make responses to that (slowly getting better at that).

 

So, because I am so "silent", I fear that it is the major obstacle (along with not showing a more active interest in people and their activities) for people who might want to get used to me or comfortable around my prescense. I can tell the difference between me and the other guy.

I don't open up, and have a history of not doing that. In highschool they thought I was weird..but that was because I didn't open my mouth enough to let people know the real me. Often times, people have to ask questions about me (such as, "oh you're not a fan of rock music") instead of taking the initiative to talk about myself upfront.

 

"Hey man, is that a new tool?"

vs.

"Guys, I just bought this new tool at Sears. Check it out!"

 

See the difference? I will be going to a small party next week, so self-disclosing will be a MUST. Help..

[LILI]

I say F that ...!! Im sorry but i would much rather have a friend that is quiet and talks when they have something intersting to say, than someone that talks about random crap nobody cares about .... but anyways ...if you dont like to be espeacial i guess you can start talking.

Myabe you should start talking about anything that crosses your mind ... it doesnt matter if its dumb. Or ask questions ... yep, thats it, cuz if u start asking questions then u relate to their answers and stuff. And if you ask questions dont ask closed ones ... as in yes or no questions u know. So you guys have something to talk about. But i think you should just be yourself. Its really intersting when a person is quiet .... i know few ppl like that, but i always wonder what goes on in their mind you know ... it makes them look intersting sorta. Have fun at the party ... drink a little ... its always fun to drink.

[Alabama]

If you want to better open up to people, take it slow. Start with anything that comes to mind and think of anything you recently saw. It's not really that hard. It may seem that people can be not interested, but they'll let you know if they are. So, just try it. Good luck.

[Jinx]

This can be both good and bad depending on the situation.

 

For myself, until I know someone well, I don't tell them any private details about my life. Some people just end up using it against you when you find out weeks or months down the road that they weren't worth your time and effort and they needed some sort of rumor dynamite.

 

When I talk to people, the first few times I am more of a listener unless I see fit otherwise. For me listening and just answering questions and making comments here and there is best as you get to know the other person or people better. I usually say random things to begin conversation and once it is fluid, the other person is in the spotlight of conversation. Then again, I can take months or years in some cases before I feel entirely comfortable with someone.

 

Being silent type isn't bad until you're comfortable with someone, thats when I see it might cause problems, because being quiet around someone you've known for a good deal of time acting aloof may set them off to think it is their problems causing your silence. It is something that must be taken in gradually. I learned that conversational skills don't boom overnight. I used to be a very quiet individual and not very open, eventually I realized it was harder to work with people in that case.

 

After I became entirely comfortable with speaking to closer friends and not waiting just for their questions it progressed. Finding unsuspecting victims at an event or such which aren't preoccupied and just talk about anything that will allow them to lead. In these sort of conversations and situations, you don't really have to give out excess personal information really so it works out fine. Depending on how you attempt to open up more it may come easily to be talkative or it may be a long time with select topics for conversation. Everyone is different, and you will be you. Don't talk about anything you're uncomfortable with.

 

Depending on the individual, I've had productive conversations begin by reviewing the days news, weather, cooking, hobbies, music, and dance even. Not all people take in random conversation though I've learned. Not matter where you are, there will be individuals you come accross trying to speak with and they flat out ignore you. Don't become discouraged if anything like that occurs. Just move right along, you'll hit the gold mine in short order.