A Letter

[Darkshadow]

If I were to die this day, would I wipe the world of any upcoming sins?

 

Lately suicide has become a more comfortable looking shirt to wear. Sin in the youth of the world leads these thoughts unto me. Would my death spread enough seriousness to all of the youth around me, a message strong enough to send my true feelings into all who are deeply wounded; affected by the loss of me? Enough to sprout young seeds of wisdom and experience in all that do not see, all who do not understand what is going on in this world? I picture and play this over in my mind, this night especially. The expression on my every passer-by's face and those who fall victim to my eyes, their eyes that did not see that this was coming. The people who knew me now not knowing where I am or why I'm missing; the expressions they would make if they knew who I was or what I did. If they knew that their friend, their loved one decided to end. I am not asking for attention but for a death that will take who we pretend to be with me. Picture me out of your imagination; what do you see me as, am I that stupid? Am I selfish to steal the life of who people know as "me"? Can you feel the fear you choose to ignore? The "act" you put on because you fear yourself? Personally I love you all very much, enough to warn you ahead of time, and to receive my awaited and unknown consequences just to pick you up and dust you off. What happened to HONOR and RESPECT? Honor is for all and respect should be abundant in oneself to give to others. Is it something that has been forgotten, or just not realized? If all you are reading now is taken as nothing but "nonsense", think about it and forget your anger towards me, forget your disgust in me and realize that I care for you, for your relatives and for those around you. Swallow in that thickness into your throat and into your heart, feel the pressure of the air that is filled with my sadness; the sadness I feel from the actions of the so called "Innocent". Breathe… inhale… slowly… exhale… breathe in the aura of hurt that will soon be circulating through all of my friends and family. Every one of them will feel this. They will look at it as something terrible. Focus on what is important, for example, your loved ones. What are they doing right now? What would you do if they were in my shoes? Do you even look to see how they truly feel? Also, take to mind what our parents do not want to think about; the common things you all do each day. Think about what you do each day that would hurt them if they were to know, and why you do it. You don't know what you do? Think… You talk about things that aren't good. You use language that isn't good. You do things that aren't good. You lie; you lie to them and do not stop. You touch others in ways their parent's don't want to think about. Why is that? Why do you do this? Is it for attention, maybe for false pride? Or is it because you want to be something you will never be, and you fail to admit that you will never be perfect. Why does anyone fight? You both want your ways, and you both can not get it, no matter who "wins". Imagine that, that person could have been your very best of friends if you had crossed any different path earlier in life. What if instead of earlier when you looked to your right, you looked to your left? That could have led you into meeting several different people. Why are we all so protective over our actions and refuse to be "forced or told" what to do? For others, why are we afraid to do what we truly want? Think of how disgusting things are moving lower in age groups. Starting around 5th grade for example, people talk and gossip about sex; they want it. They want to experience it so bad, but for what reason? Why do we fill ourselves with the mindlessness of things such as sex and drugs? Is it because of the humor; the choice to ignore the morality and respect of life? Do you all not want to share something special with the other person you may end up loving? Do you love them enough to preserve your virginity and "first times" for them? Wouldn't it be wonderful to be the "first" everything with the person you love? To share the nervousness of the moment with them, knowing both of you are scared and feeling the same feelings? DEATH is something else that disgusts me. Once a virgin mind understands death, it is filled with fear and refuses to accept it. Think about this; you will someday watch your parents and other elders die. They will die and you will be there to feel it. Feel it now, feel how much you would miss them and miss them now, respect them now. Why save it for when they are gone? My death is for you all, it is for the release of your sins. I will take them with me if you just let them go; stop sinning and end the sinning now. Think about LIFE and DEATH, Feel the very meaning of those two powerful words. Feel the loneliness that sinks into your chest when you lose someone you love very dearly. No one knows who I am. No one knows my purpose. But you can all understand why I have decided to wear this new shirt. This shirt reads, "Redemption". For all but me that is, for I will be happy knowing at least one other than I will feel my meaning for this, and realize what is going on in this world. Realizing that evil is easier to do than good, and that they were born an innocent child; born as someone that is entirely good. GOOD, is WHO WE ARE, and EVIL is WHO WE ARE BECOMING. Breathe and feel my death, feel these words flow through you. I am dead as you read this now and somewhere near by, my body is silent and rotting. My body may never be found, for I chose the ultimate location for fitting on this shirt. I do not know where I am headed, or what I will be facing, but I ask you to give me your sins and bury them with me, and do GOOD unto all. Respect that we are given such a gift as life and cherish it.

 

If your life is stained with my blood, or the blood of others

Forgive yourself and trust yourself to do well

Be yourself and Love all that is good

Believe in what you exist for; believe in your meaning

And I will take all of that blood away with me

 

I am watching all of you

Sincerely,

 

The time wasted in your life because of sinning.

 

(Note: I wrote this as if "the time wasted in your life" was the author of the letter, not I. I also do not influence anything in this letter, for I also am against what I write and do not totally agree with it, especially religiously.)

[dpressedone89]

thats amazing, written excellently and to personify all the sins of past present of man being released.this is the best poem i have seen as long as i can remember it is wonderful and makes me think.

 

also, it is very courteous of you to take time to note that, this is not a reflection of what your feeling and that it was written in another point of view.

 

great poem.

[oberone]

while reading the daily newspaper and getting my daily dosage of bad news for the day, I came accross a story about two Japanese teenagers who went up a nine story building, wrote a note, placed it under their shoes which they took off and left on the ledge, and then they jumped to their death.

 

Authorities refuse to disclose the content of the note, but I think I can guess what they might have said. They were hopeless. They were depressed. Life was a pain that hurt too much and they didn't want to face another day. They might of broken up with their boyfriends. Their parents might of been getting a divorce. But being students from a prestigious high school, it's possible that they were rejected from the University of their choice.

 

So being young - foolish, self-absorbed and not thinking very far they ended their suffering and put the burden of suffering to those who loved them, cared for them and raised them.

 

Suicide is a hopeless and depressive action for the weak. The strong-the survivors, are the wise. There is truth in the saying, "...for this too shall pass." And if it doesn't pass, it will only make us stronger, add depth to our character, make us wiser, and teach us about endurance..."No pain, No gain," says the shoe ad. But this motto isn't just for our physical self, it should be our mental motto as well. Life is tough. But it's also worth living because life's pain is our greatest teacher. Everything else; happiness, pride, and all the good stuff is great and all, but they're recess. Life's greatest teacher begins in the classroom of pain. Don't just take it from me, take it from the Oyster...

 

 

There once was an oyster

Whose story I tell,

Who found that some sand

Had got into his shell.

It was only a grain,

But it gave him great pain.

For oysters have feelings

Although they're so plain.

 

Now, did he berate

The harsh workings of fate

That had brought him

To such a deplorable state?

Did he curse at the government,

Cry for election,

And claim that the sea should

Have given him protection?

 

No -- he said to himself

As he lay on a shell,

Since I cannot remove it,

I shall try to improve it.

Now the years have rolled around,

As the years always do,

And he came to his ultimate

Destiny too.

 

And the small grain of sand

That had bothered him so

Was a beautiful pearl

All richly aglow.

Now the tale has a moral;

For isn't it grand

What an oyster can do

With a morsel of sand?

 

What couldn't we do

If we'd only begin

With some of the things

That get under our skin. -Author Unknown-

 

 

Everyday is a new day. Another sunrise, a clean slate we are given as a great gift to understand ourselves and find the best in others: To love. To play. To seek. To find all the wonders and mysteries of life. And most important-to learn. And during our search, one lesson I've learned is this: Losing money in the stock market, losing your job, losing your business, losing youth, power, and prestige, getting a ticket, getting crow's feet, fighting with your spouse, your mother, your father, or finding out your children are not turning out the way you planned for them, or being hurt by the betrayal of false friends ... all of this and so much more are called INCONVENIENCES. They won't kill you. But knowing you have an incurable disease, living in war zones like Iraq Afghanistan, Pakistan, Central America, North Korea, land-mine infested Cambodia, or even the ghetto of your own neighborhood, getting mugged or maimed, and so much more are called PROBLEMS. people get on with stuff and don't take the cowardly way out. Okay, some people have severe Psychological problems, but there is help out there.

[Darkshadow]

This is just a piece of writing; a poem of a sort. It is not a suicide note, forgive me if I hadn't made that clear enough.

 

This piece of writing is absolutely not any form of a suicide note, it is just a poem with one of many morals (ex. Valuable time dies with every moment wasted on sin.)

[neva_black_n_white]

Your poetry is gripping. I agree with what youve writ. Sometimes those who are neive sin without realisation. Im not religious so maybe i dont hold the words as precious as you do, but i felt them.

 

Everyone always states "as soon as your born, your dying" its true but not many of us try to remember it.

 

Sometimes people forget the morals of what youve written. Others live life by their own - for example "live every minute as the last", this tends to leave out any worry of sin, its more a selfish fulfillment.

 

But then again is it selfish?

 

I lost a friend about a year ago to a car crash. I know he was the opposite of what you writ, and to be honest he wouldnt curse me for stating it. He sinned, several times over. If hed had believed like you do, then maybe it would be to a minimal or maybe hed have been cautious.

But still, wasnt it better for him to love the 16 years of his life as he did?

 

Or be entirely pure (a form which he didnt neccessarily want to be, or not even that - he just didnt see himself being or even think about).

 

You dont usually see yourself dying young, some desire to take their lifes (and yes, i understoud your metaphor), yet, some of us have them taken away anyhow.

 

Is it ok to be happy and sin so long as you dont hurt others?

 

Alot of people walk on past life not thinking (as they perform certain actions) that they are sinning anyway. I guess it takes a more religious outlook to notice such detail.

 

When a 16 year old has sex, maybe being neieve thinking she or he has found love, yet still, they dont think its wrong or anything of it, they dont think before hand of any sin, just instead, possibly, they might have found love. Instead they havent, and end up moving on. Are they doing wrong?

 

I rememeber hearing the line "I searched my whole life to find the person i loved, and found them just in time, only i didnt anticipate the pain of realising they didnt love me back".

 

So in respect to that, cant we get things wrong some time, or more so when is the "right time" or "correct" time? I mean take it outside of the box, i dont mean just with love etc i mean everything - what happens if we miss out. Or do you not believe that we can?

 

I like to understand, im not being critical, more analytical. Thanks.

 

Kell

[Darkshadow]

I understand what you mean, trust me. There is unlimited sides to belief, for what is wrong is only wrong to one's own morality. To someone who likes to kill, saving someone's life could be a sin. To someone who likes to hate, sharing with someone could be a sin. By sin I mean against self-morality. I originally written this piece as a test to see who can think beyond the borders of influenced good or evil and who will take it typically in a religious manner. It is very possible that the bible was the first book of law, and religion was the first form of regulation and control. I do not believe in what I have written. But I do in fact influence what I find disgusting. Lack of honor is my disgust. But as is, I lack honor against those who lack upon me, so I am in fact my own disgust. I believe that opinion is just an alternative to taking action, thereforeeee I learn from opinion to take action. But that is only one of many ways to learn.

 

This may come as a better understanding; an excerpt from my thoughts-

 

'To Symphonize The Psychedelic; The Distorted And Distraught Beauty Of Life Everloathing'

 

"The painful bliss of the remembrance of your kiss, sculpts a paradise; a paradox of thoughtful sedatives in which I choose to lay.

 

To stare and gaze the haze present before your many faces and expressions, my many many passions for every second of your existence. Trance of existence, found within your energy O so powerful that I can feel you for miles afar.

 

To place my heart, within your lovely grasp is what I will do, to give it to you freely, with all my choice and so very willingly. EVOL (Reflect) LOVE, to speak of me; to speak of I, is EVIL (Reflect) LIVE in misplacing the O. O as in Ode; the song of your uncanny control over me. Control, not by you but because of you and because of my choice, for you hold my heart; I hold out to you freely, 'myself in action'.

 

To speak of it as gratuitous is to reflect the truth of lies. Lies... A Surprise, surprise me not for I am the meaning of Seclusion, of Illusion and Delusion; but yet I halt for and with you. Alone, but together and forever with you. HTURT" is close to HURT; only without the T. (Reflect)..."TRUTH.

 

It is possible that a shadow is a reflection. Watch closely; it defies truth. It faces both ways, similar to every occurrence and state 'mental as well as physical'. thereforeeee, 'there is not'... But then, is, and anything does exist that does not."

 

-----------

As to say, most of my work is written directed to myself, Life, Truth, Lies, etc. And contain secret messages linking between all of my work unto my beliefs and actions, as well as my past. Typically, it is thought of as written to a girl or to parents. But it reaches further than that, but only those who see using more than just their eyes and common reaction to senses can seldom reach something similar to one of my most vital meanings.

 

-Tony

[darkblue]

As with all poetry; it shouldn't be taken too personally/literally.

 

Most poems are taken differently by different readers.

 

Good work.

[neva_black_n_white]

Your very literate.

I mean for your age (stereotyping) its not typical, not to a majority anyway. Your so aware. Its almost like you crucify yourself metaphorically. If that makes any sense to you.

 

I guess you can be taken in different ways. You understand both sides of the coin, you know whats your right and wrong BUT in some form your not actually acting against that wrong.

 

I mean like your poem - its trying to justify actions and make awareness but at the same time your not eating those words. Its odd..

 

I have a Question: is your advice good enough for you?

 

And thanks. I understoud what you writ.

I writ what i thought, maybe its not the responce you looked for, but expectations dont often get met.

 

Kell.

[Darkshadow]

Please take no offense, I may seem a bit hostile but really I mean no tone.

I enjoy your opinions, and thank you very much for sharing them with me

 

-To your answer; The only thing good enough for me is revenge, but not to say that as I'm out to destroy but to just to seek rest.

 

-Tony

[neva_black_n_white]

wow. Thats so much better, im liking the emotions, gives me a little direction!

And dont worry. It takes a lot for me to be offended, just, at the same time, I felt the need to be more formal around you, i dont usually feel that with my age group so i was curious.

 

I dont know if you amuse me (not in the sense to laugh at you, more so with how aware you are and just how much you think) or im just intrigued.

 

How can you take revenge and on who?

 

so I am in fact my own disgust

 

Are you who you want to take revenge on?

 

Sorry if theres too many Questions. I analyse too much and well, im far too curious for my own good.

 

kell.

[Darkshadow]

Yes, but of course not just me. For what I allow to happen, to me and to others around. I can state back to personal incidents if you would like. I do have a very good memory of my years. Jealousy at the 'toddler' age had led me to who I am, for that I am dishonored, but for that I am enlightened. It had lead me into thinking more while I was younger, which built my curiosity in things. Which led me to one incident I will never forget in 2nd grade. Which then led to my start of a series of attempts on suicide in the 2nd grade and up until freshman year. I have written on the incident in 4th grade and stored it away. Recently I started to reveal the truth to all around me. It is a very long story, but if it is a must for you, I do have some time.

[neva_black_n_white]

I dont think anythings ever a must (maybe a small percent). I dont mind reading if thats what you mean. But at the same time, id prefer you write it because you want to, not for the sake of my own curiosity - possibly going too far.

 

Where abouts do you live? I dont understand certain words, or atleast i do but i cant put them into context, for example, i dont understand what age you were when you were in 2nd grade, or how old you were when you were a freshman etc. (Im not used to the terms).

 

Why the jealousy?

 

............................................................................................

By the way, i havent actually been on here for a while, so i wont know anything youve previously posted.

[Darkshadow]

I live in the US

 

In second grade I was 8 or 9

In Freshman year (grade 9) I was 14

 

The jealousy is a long story to explain. You see, when I was little I thought it was only me and my Mother. Then I realised there was more in the world.

 

I don't really mind giving you details, but maybe it's best left unknown. For conscious' sake.

[neva_black_n_white]

Were you ever a child? I mean you seem to have missed out on so much childhood.

 

If your keeping hush for my sake then theres no need to.

 

But im seriously going to close my mouth now, i have too many questions, which defeats the whole

but maybe it's best left unknown

 

Still, i appreciate your responce, you could have shunned me anytime.

 

Kell.

 

p.s. take the first question as rhetorical *smiles*

[Darkshadow]

I do get my childhood kicks ever-so often (Rebellious acts against society and getting away with it with dark humor and sociopathy)

Nice talking to you.

[neva_black_n_white]

Like wise. Holla if you ever need a random english girl to indirectly laugh at you for your wisdom!

 

Toodles. x

[melrich]

That is very good. Keep it. Try and write it again in 10 years time. I think you'll be amazed at the differences.

 

Well done.