HELP, I am a stepmum & the mother will not help me at al

[twinkle05]

I have an eleven year old stepdaughter living with me, her mother asked me if i would be kind enough to look after her daughter for 6 month's whilst the mother sorted out her finances, that was 3 years ago. My partner (her dad) works away all week & I see him friday, saturday & sunday. her mother lives 10 minutes walk away with her boyfriend and teenage son & has agreed to have my stepdaughetr every other friday until sunday morning, the problem is the mother will not have her for the full weekend and will only have her for either the friday night or the saturday night, my stepdaughter then has to stay over a friend's house or her nan's house, the mother doesnt ring my stepdaughter not to mention ever seeing her over the two weeks in between the weekend she's supposed to have her. I have really come to the end of my teather with this situation. my partner just say's to me 'it's like telling a junkie to stop taking drugs ~ she doesnt want to know and there's no point asking her'. This is not good for me any more & something needs to be done about it. I have asked the mother over the last three years to help me out & all she say's is 'yes, I will make more of an effort'. In the last 10 weeks my step daughter has stayed in her mother's house for 4 nights. I attend all parent's evenings & school concerts alone, I take her to the dentist, hairdressers & doctors, I buy her clothes, take her to the pictures, take her on holiday's & have her friends to sleep over, I want the best for her, her mother doesnt care at all and is more interested in her toyboy, sunbeds, and nail extensions & she's 6 years older than me, she has never taken my stepdaughter swimming or has never taken her on holiday yet she has a holiday every year with either her friends or boyfriend. All I want is time to myself as I also have a small baby to take care of, I need the responsibility of my stepdaughter lifted off my shoulders. I have now told the mother that we will now take inturns taking care of my stepdaughter and that one week she stays with me & the next she stay's with her mother as she can walk to school with her brother from her mother's house. I am concerned & am wondering if this is fair on my stepdaughter but I honestly can not live like this any more, I need to find piece of mind & need my sanity back.

[DI93]

I am sorry you feel this way, but it sound to me as if you should stop calling her your stepdaughter and start calling her your daughter because you treat her the way a mother does.

 

An 11 year old child needs love. She is not an infant that requires your constant care and attention: all you need is to feed, shelter, clothes, and love her, which you are doing.

 

 

Your stepdaughter can tell that her mother doesn't want her and she problemly can sense that you want to get rid of her. But in your post, I can tell you love and care for her deeply. Forget the mother, she can't see what a gift that God has given her.

 

Take care of your daughter.

[melrich]

Well it is definitely not fair on your stepdaughter, in fact I think the whole situation would be quite damaging for her.

 

Neither though is it your responsibility. It is the responsibility of her biological father and biological mother to work out suitable arrangements.

 

Are there no access orders in place?

 

Really what you need to do is talk to your partner. Don't try and negotiate with the mother, it is not your responsibility and you have no authority in the issue. The father and mother need to sit down and resolve this and quickly.