N/C im crumbling - miss her

[scorchio]

hope she realises what she had tho

 

 

hope that is going through her mind, or if not at mo......... maybe down the road

 

i will try and stay strong, but i wonder if she realises what i am up to

as i have been N/C for over 1 1/2 months, it is making me stronger, just hope its not making her stronger

[dstanzler]

First off: 5 Months N/C with the ex and I still love her to pieces. Arg! Babe, I miss you!

 

Scorchio-- I know the feeling. But consider this... if your relashionship was so moving that after 90 days you're still thinking about her... then you know that she is probably thinking about you.

 

Does she still have some of your things?

 

Consider this: Whenever she does something or sees something that resembles an activity you did together... whenever she shares a joke you both enjoyed... whenever she hears that one song on the radio station you both listened to... you're probably passing through her mind. If she shuts you out of her thoughts intentionally she will miss you subconsciously.

 

If I were you I would just wait with the NC. Wait for her to contact you. I don't know the circumstances of your break up but it sounds like you and she split because she was having some issues and it seems like she still intends to get back together with you--- correct me if I'm wrong but that is what it sounds like.

 

I would wait with the NC. Be strong. Post here. See what happens.

Check these two posts for some more ideas... I strongly encourage you to do so.

 

Love,

Dave

 

link removed

 

link removed

[scorchio]

Thankyou dstanzler for your kind and sensible words,

 

I have been weak today, but have been strong in not contacting.

 

The biggest thing that is round and round in my mind is;

while I am being strong, N/C to help myself heal, yes.

But also like so many have described for the making her miss you, making her think about you, to which like you have said im sure deep down she is, bit of mystery.

 

just while im doing all this I worry she might meet someone else.......

the silence from her since we split worries me bout this

 

even though nothing at all to suggest its the case

.... but .... well just on my mind

[Echo]

Hey Scorch!!! Hang in there....you are experiencing a speed bump right now, you'll get through this, I promise.

I am sure your ex thinks about you....as for her meeting someone else...think logically here. She has a daughter right? Does she seems like the type to go right from one guy to the next...and putting her daughter through that?? You have to remember, she has more than herself to think about..so I HOPE she would never do that. So to answer your question...I doubt she has met someone else this soon. Perhaps she is just the type who is able to leave a relationship, and not look back. It's not neccesarily a reflection on you. Maybe she IS going through the same pain....that's something you may never know. HOwever...I agree with other posters about not contacting her. It was her decision to end things, no? If it was then it really has to be her decision to want you back. I know I know I know....it is SO painful, but I will get better.

Keep posting

ps....One thing that's working for me is I just started an intense workout regimine....I am REALLY sore today...lol..but hey, it detracts from the pain in my heart!! lol

[urbangentleman]

Hey scorch,

I can confirm what echo writes here, remember my ex has twins! So is it going to be easy for another gut to be willing to take this on or form him to get involved, i doubt it, i used to think about all these things too...and still she is single, i know this for a fact. I really do believe my ex didnt heal from her emotional abussive past, and she's too independent to have me help her with these issues. She left because she isnt/wasnt ready, but i'm showing her that i'm starting to move on her now.And hitting the nail on the head here, is that she has her daughter to consider in all this, and believe me it took me a while to really think deeply about the ramifications of that for her, no matter how much of a nice guy she thinks i am, or how much fun the girls and i had.Sad but true.

 

Stay strong mate, were all right here along side of you.

 

Urban.

[scorchio]

urban, echo, thankyou for your support,

it helps more than you can imagine, and wow how well it helps venting all that frustration and worries on here.

 

something that brings me down to the ground when i get those thoughts is something she always said to me when we met and when we was together, was, I am the only guy who she has been with including the little girls dad who has treated them both nicely and always put the kiddy 1st.

 

I just hope one day that may hit home to her,

split up 3months ago, N/C nearly 2months now

seems so long ago,

 

once again you are all a great help

[scorchio]

sorry guys & girls

 

im feeling really weak today/tonight

 

just want a text to come through on that mobile

 

hope she will see sense

[scorchio]

can anyone slap me around the face,

i so want to send her a picture message on mobile

i know i know wont do any good

just weak tonight

 

 

sorry

[Echo]

Scorchio...we all know how you feel. I wish I could tell you if you text her, it would be well received...or even acknowledged. I can't tell you that...but I can support you in whatever decision you make. I don't like to judge people who act on impulse during emotional distress. We have all done it...so while I'm not encouraging you to do it....I say do whatever is going to make YOU feel better. If it's causing you this much pain and agony,then perhaps you need to do it...for closure. My only word of caution though is to NOT expect anything back...if you do, you could be worse off than before. Just remember...actions have consequences.

Hang in there....

[scorchio]

thankyou echoe,

 

just feel taht while there is silence, she is blanking me,

just feels like she is not thinking about me she is not missing me, she is not upset.

 

sorry if i sound silly

 

 

and thanks for your support

[Echo]

Scorchio... you don't sound silly at all. You are going through the perfectly NORMAL stages of a breakup...which you had no control over.

I truly think the hardest part for people being dumped, is the feeling that

they are not in control of the outcome...and truthfully, you aren't. You can try to manipulate the situation..by begging, crying, pleading, calling texting...etc..and you might get your way temporarily...out of guilt or whatever. No one wants to be strong armed into coming back..this is why they say its best if the dumper initiates contact. Then it is of their OWN violation and because THEY wanted it.

I understand the urges you're having..and you have the choice to either

text her...or not.

As for your ex not thinking about you...well I won't give you false hope, because who knows? Maybe she doesn't...but thinking about what SHE'S thinking is destructive. She might have a million things on her mind..or maybe she tends to block things. Maybe that's her defense mechanism. Either way..it's NOT a reflection on you, and I think you are taking that very personal. Just assume she thinks about you...that is the only way you will maintain your sanity right now.

[scorchio]

all very true, thankyou.

 

just, i dunno.

 

picture message no words might trigger the old heart strings even if theres no response,

or do you think N/C better way of triggering heart strings

[Echo]

It's only been two months since you broke up right? Honestly, that's not very long...and you haven't really given yourself time to heal. It sounds like you are frozen in time when in reality you need to keep moving forward. The more you do, the busier you are...the better for you. You cannot pin your hopes on this girl coming back..I know that hurts like hell

to hear..but it is the truth. Even if you text her, call her etc...it may make her think fondly of you, but that's NOT enough to make her want you back.

Unless she had some crazy industrial accident, and got a bout of amnesia...you can rest assured, you are in her memory.

[scorchio]

been split up 3months

N/C about well nearly 2 months

 

i hear what you saying,

I am realistic,

but ............ she didnt fall out of love with me

that surely must hold some emotions

[scorchio]

bit down tonight

[RichC]

Scorchio

 

Don't contact her whatever you do

 

Going through same as you mate - girlfriend broke up with me four months ago after just over a year and I think about her all the time. Loved her with all my heart. She had a little girl who was four.

I've had nothing but indifference from her since she left - phoned her a few times but I stopped two months ago. Then see her out two weeks ago and before I know her friends are coming over saying how unhappy she is and how she talks about me.

I'd started dating but suddenly I've finished with this new girl and i'm texting the ex four days later to say it was nice to see her and guess what ? - i get back indifference ( " We're fine - hope you're fine - take care " )

Last time I act on crumbs thrown from her friends

 

Echo's right - actions do have consequences - I thought it would make me feel better but it set me back weeks. It brings on the whole " Can't believe she feels absolutely nothing when I feel everything " thing again.

You must try to let her go in your heart - let her eventually date other people and see what type of guys are out there.

HOWEVER - like me you must try to dismiss the "wait until she realises what she had - I loved her and was fantastic with her little girl - then she'll love me and come back" - this only fuels the internal hope of getting back together and leads eventually to texts, acting on crumbs etc.

 

You must move on - dating can be fun - it makes you HAVE to behave how you did when you were single even if you don't want to in your heart.

 

I'm 36 but refuse to give up on the idea that there is somebody out there for me who will love me as much as I love them - this is the thought that keeps us going

 

Chin up

[scorchio]

thanks Richc

 

read your reply with much ineterest,

 

very very similar to my sittuation,

 

difference i am not in a position where i would bump into her, she lives a bit too far away for that.

 

I get what you saying tho, cheers.

 

Whatever effect it has, heres hoping she is missing me, but yes, I really do strongly believe she will meet other guys who treat her like crap -then THUD!!!!!!!!

[Vert]

Rich, excellent advice my friend. I feel you on it too... Every time we have resolve and say "it's over with her, I can move on" then she throws us a crumb and we come crawling back only to find nothing's there. It's the great mirage of getting back together... She says she misses you and you think that means the hook-up. Hell, I miss my old ex-gfs because I had good times with them, but that doesn't mean I want to get back with them. Same goes for my most recent ex-gf... She'll be totally nice one day then totally mean another and for what? Crumbs, as you said. Just need to learn to let her go and know that there are plenty of other women out there (and men too for the the ladies). Believe me, I'm preaching to myself as well....