N/C im crumbling - miss her

[scorchio]

ive done over 1 1/2 months n/c as described in a previous post, been split up 3months.

 

I miss her,

get the impression she isnt thinking about me,

my mind is making different scenarios up about what she doing when probably not true I know...............

 

its driving me crazy

[flysurfer]

know how you feel, keep thinging about getting in touch with my ex or hoping she will call me, but it is distructive and i will never move on, i'm looking for a new job at the moment which helps me to focus on other things that are important, which is kind of working, sound a bit strange but i had a look at some profiles of single women on those online dating sites which reminded me that there are other women out there that share the same interests that i do, i'm not ready to go into another relationship yet but its good to know that when i am back firing on all cilinders there are others that i would like to meet.

Good luck

[scorchio]

thankyou for advice,

i wish u luck too

 

just miss ex an awful lot at mo, not ready for others, difficult to fill that gap at mo,

[gradle]

hi scorchio...

how are you doing?

i just want you to keep your chin up...i know you might not be ready for another relationship just yet, but dating can be fun...and get your mind off of things...it doesn't have to turn into anything more...it might even just help you makemore friends...a lot of my friends that have done online dating have actually made really good friends with their dates....so, that's a plus..

i'm sorry you miss her..but keep your chin up, you're doing great...

[scorchio]

Thanks for your kind words Gradle

[beatless]

ive done over 1 1/2 months n/c as described in a previous post, been split up 3months.

 

I miss her,

get the impression she isnt thinking about me,

my mind is making different scenarios up about what she doing when probably not true I know...............

 

its driving me crazy

 

Hey scorchio, I'm about the same time of 1 1/2 month n/c with my ex and

yes it is a killer. Everyday life is unbearable. I also tried looking for

a new gf and did attracted someone, she gave her phone number

but you know I'm not emotionally ready. So yep going into a new

relationship is not a good idea. What I've been doing besides talking

to friends is everytime I feel the pain, I talk a long long walk outside.

At my job, instead of eating in the office I take a long walk to get my

lunch and walk back and eat back at the office.

 

Are you ready to contact your ex or still planning? At 1-1/2 I am planning

to contact my ex sometime this coming week or next. Hopefully she's

willing to go for coffee. If this fails and she refuse to see me then I

might have to be ready to move on with my life. Not very easy!!

[scorchio]

Thanks Beatless,

 

I want to contact her just sending her just a text no writing, just a picture message or something.

 

She probably wont reply but at least it might tug at some heart strings somewhere and make her think

 

what tou think ?

[urbangentleman]

Hey scorchio,

 

Sounds like your not doing so well right now my friend.This being the case, dont contact her, it will only mess with you more because you will have an expectation of a response that you are likely not to receive.Think about this here, is this a real need to do this or just a preferance? I'd say the later.Trust me, i have thought about it for 10weeks also, but havent done it....and look what happened in my latest post under ex's.I'm not saying that the same will happen to you, but what i am saying is follow all the advice from everybody on here, i guarantee you in 4 weeks from now, that will be 10 weeks for you as well, you will feel indifferent about all of this, even though you probably cant see that right now.It's very hard my friend, but the days do lesson, that much i can confirm.How do i know this, because i haven't even bothered to reply to her yet, 4 weeks ago i would have in a second, but now , i'm not sure that i really want too.I'm just going to give MYSELF more time, and then make a choice, one that I am happy with.

 

At this point in time, put your emotions in here, not on her phone, we'll all listen, and you can count on us to respond.

 

Chin Up Mate.

 

regards

 

Urban.

 

feel free to PM me anytime if u wish.

[scorchio]

Urban thank you very much,

 

your reply has certainly helped me clear my head well, today (thats a start),

Have been weak today wanted to send her a picture message on phone.

but not going to now.

 

i will read your post shortly about your story

 

can I just add something.

I was involved in the bombings in London (im in the ambulance service) so was there helping last thursday.

 

that day i got texts from friends, people i havent heard from for years all knowing that i would be involved in it and they were checking to see if i was ok.

 

not one single text from her, would have been just nice to get a text just to see if i am ok, seems a bit heartless of her to me.

[urbangentleman]

Well, maybe you need to ask yourself this, is she someone that you really want back then?...I mean if you have the kindess in you to help people especially in these tradgic times then, your selfless, either she is selfish, or doesnt deserve you.I dont know her , so far be it from me to judge her, but i cant help that feel i would atleast checking to see you are ok....1) because at somepoint you were my partner 2) because well. a txt to say hay tell me ur alive, doesnt give you any hope or a suggestion of anything, other than just simply making sure your ok.

 

If it helps, dont hate her for this, but forgive her, in doing so you start to think about her in a different light, which may help you to cope better or move on at a more rapid pace.

 

The only other thing i would add/ask is it possible she would know that you are ok from other sources, which may also explain why she hasnt contacted you.Either way, you can analyze this to death, or just focus on helping others in need, its a goosd way to shift your focus not completely off your self and your recovery, but to focus on someone elses for a while.

 

I dont know about you, but we all hurt at times for one reason or another, but when i step back and look at tradgedies like those bombings, well my problems seem almost trivial.I'm not saying you should dismiss your feelings, because you shouldn't and you cant heal them like that anyway, but just that there are others in this world that need you right now, and i think it's fantastic that you have not only the coompassion to help them but the skills as well.Good job my friend.

 

Be well, and reread this if you need to.

 

regards

 

Urban.

[scorchio]

Urban,

thankyou on all points.

 

I have to say it certainly made me angry with her for that.

 

Im trying to keep strong - N/C

 

 

But yes, events like that do put things in perspective and bring you to the ground sometimes. You are right there.

[beatless]

Thanks Beatless,

 

I want to contact her just sending her just a text no writing, just a picture message or something.

 

She probably wont reply but at least it might tug at some heart strings somewhere and make her think

 

what tou think ?

 

I see you were around during the awful London bombing. I hope things are

going back to normal a bit there. It will take time just like our GF breakups.

I know because I'm from New York during the Trade Center. I sometimes

get nervous going up into a tall building, still.

 

I am going to do the same, is send my ex an email. Although I see some

posters suggested waiting a bit more longer. How are you doing

emotionally as far as being able to talk to her with a happy face?

I am feeling a bit better compared to last month but on occasion I

would have sad moments. This is especially when I think that the

chances of her coming back and meeting me is slim.

[scorchio]

my problem is:

 

i notice alot of people suggest put on happy face, make her see that you are getting on and what she is missing etc

 

she lives in differrent area to me, not far, but would only be in that area if we was going out together.

 

so she wouldnt get to see me or know that im getting on.

 

just N/C - will that have the same effect, I wonder sometimes.

I do understand N/C is to help yourself heal too, which it is helping, but I do genuinely love her and her daughter and want them back.

 

Thanks for your comments about London, YES seems everyone (londoners) getting on with it, everyone walking the same streets, as if nothing happenned.....although obviously prayers with the victims and bereaved still.

still, what a poke in the eye for the terrorists EH!!! it will never effect us

[urbangentleman]

I've only one thing to offer you here scorchio, it's been 6 long weeks for you i know.but give her the real opportunity to miss you and asses how she feels, she knows how you feel.Give her space, and give you a break as well. If you push , she will be unreachable in the end.Give it 3 more weeks, and pm me everyday if you need too, but let some more time pass. I'm not suggesting you never contact her, just not now thats all. And no, n/c will not mean that she is gone for good, we all move at different paces, that's why some relationships never work in the first place.Trust me on this one, my ex has twin daughters 7 y.o , do i miss them, ofcourse, did it nearly break my heart when i ran into them 2 weeks ago, yes, the first thing they asked me was where had i been?

 

But think of this....If your partner doesnt want you back then there is nothing you can do, but at the same time you cant put her daughter through attachment if it's never going to be.Trust me, these are some of the things your ex will be thinking about i suspect.And this is not something that she will resolve in 6 weeks.

 

I'm not saying that all cases are the same, just some things i've learned from this, and am happy to share. As i said before , i'm not really sure that i'm even going to reply to my ex, but if i do it will be when i'm ready and because i want to.Let your ex have this time, GIVE yourself this time.

 

talk to me anytime

 

regards

 

urban

[scorchio]

urban thankyou very much

 

You do give good advice, as everyone does

 

it is very hard, but I will try hard and continue N/C, space etc.

 

spose the thing on my mind the most is worrying if she met someone else, although not long has passed since the split but its always an obvious thing on everyones mind.

[beatless]

As far as terrorism, that's all everyone should do, go on with the business

as if nothing happened. Those barbarians should not get the satisfaction.

 

Yep, most of people I talked to (outside this forum) also suggested to do

the healing and grieving and try to have a happy face. I thought about

it by going onto someone else shoes, if I look depressed - that is really

not attractive, I could just imagine how my ex would think if I come

up to her looking depressed. She would most likely lose respect for

me. Of course this is not easy because we both are still thinking of the

way it was with our ex (the happy days). At least me I have to make

myself think that it may not be the same even if me and her get back

together again. Yes it is learning how to forgive and trust her again.

[regret1]

You are not alone. I am crumbling ...I miss him too. I broke it yesturday calling him. I need more discipline. I would love to have discipline like you. I hear you...I feel you.

[scorchio]

thankyou regret,

 

be strong ! wish i could take my own advice.

 

I worry that by me staying N/C it will make her be with someone else,

it has only be 3months since we split, not long I know.

 

cant help but worry about that.

[scorchio]

tears me apart knowing she didnt fall out of love with me, even she admitted that hadnt changed.

[regret1]

I have to tell myself everyday: if it was genuine love...than we will be together. There is nothing you or I can do about it. They decideded to go. We have done what we could do. There is nothing else we could do now, but to move on and do not NC. I get stronger by telling people to follow through. You cannot make the heart stays, if it does not want to.

I hope to survive too. How old are you scorchip?

 

Tears stream from my eyes all the time. I miss him dearly. There is nothing I could do, though. But just let the pain beating me until I feel no more.

[regret1]

I got to admit the pain of love is the most unbareable kind of pain.

"Tis better to love and lost, than to never have love at all"

I really wonder if this is true. I wish I never love at all, don't know how it feels.

[scorchio]

thankyou regret,

 

kind words

we can be strong I hope.

 

do you have a previous post of your problems.........

 

 

im 35

[regret1]

My case was very different. The man that loved me so much, worshipped the ground I walked on, I never cared about him. I treated him really bad. I loved him when I lost him. You could see from my name. I regret. But there is nothing I could do...I lost him forever. I never ever treated him well, for the entire time we were together. I was his term a "love goddess."

 

In your case, you treated this woman good. You should walk away, and do not regret. She lost a person who truly loved her. One day she will finally come to realize who loved her soo much.

 

I never had the chance to care for him...he did the right thing and walk away from me.

link removed

[scorchio]

love is a strange thing

 

 

fantastic when its in your life

but when appears to have gone ................ ouch

 

I hope she realises how much i loved her and her daughter and would have taken care of them

[regret1]

thereforeeee, you have nothing to be sad. You have treated her right...now focus your time on a person that truly care for you. That is what he did...found a person who appreciated his love.