Friends?

[ComputerGuy]

I met a girl who I ended up becoming really good friends with...however lately I'm not so sure and it's driving me insane. Initially we talked evey night for a few hours or on MSN and organised to go do things when I finally finished my move to the city she was in (not the reason I moved BTW). However lately I don't hear from her at all, she's never online, always busy if I DO manage to get hold of her, she lost her mobile so I cant call that, and I have no way of contacting her outside email which she only sparodically replies to.

 

I ended up getting really frustrated and hurt and posted how I felt on my online journal to get it out, she read it and posted that she was busy and that I should give her a call and we can go do something....well I have triued everyday for a week to phone her/message her/email her and nothing. 3 times I called and she was just leaving the house, havent heard back from either email I sent her, no returned calls from any of the messages I left with her parents/on her answering machine....nothing.

 

I feel like Im being completely cut off and I dont even know why...the last time we were out we had the best time, but that was over a month ago...only time I heard from her since then was one email saying there is a LAN party coming up, and even that was just a forward to two other people.

 

We initially became friedns after she had a messy breakup with her ex who raped her, put her down all the time, cheated on her, and all around used her for sex. However after a long period of not wanting anything to do with him, she decided to give him a chance to be her friend...however he kept trying to take advantage of her and left her upset all the time...yet she keeps persisting he isnt that bad and shes just as bad cause she gets angry and yells at him all the time. Ive made it known that it isnt how friends should be treated but no matter what I say or do it doesnt seem to sink in.

 

Im at my wits end, Im hurt, Im frustrated beyond belief, I'm angry.... I really feel like I just want to break something out of pure frustration and hurt.

[Burning_Down]

I feel your pain my friend. Similar thing happened to me with a girl I initially met online. We chatted every night, met up sometimes and quite honestly I fell in love with her. Couple of months ago she just started backing off completely - never online, never texted, never met up.

 

Eventually, last night, I reached the end of my tether and e-mailed her to ask, once and for all, what happened to us. She fed me a line about how she just runs out of stuff to stay, how it's normal behaviour for her and how she's done it before.

 

I sent one back today saying that I don't believe what she said and I think hurting people like that is wrong - I didn't do it brutally or in a vindictive way, just said how I felt.

 

So, so far I can't really advise but we'll see if she replies 'cos the response may well have a bearing on whether "laying it on the line" is the best way forward.

 

I think it's fairly clear that both of our friends have "issues" - not sure of the best way to deal with that though.

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Computer Guy!

 

I feel so sorry for you being messed around like this, you sound like such a sweet genuine guy. Your obviously very into this girl and care about her.

 

As much as her relationship with this other guy sounds truly distructive, theres not a lot you can do apart from be there to support her when she gets hurt again.

 

I really hope it works out for you

 

Keep me posted

 

Suga XXX

[Alabama]

I'd break it off. If she's treating this way, even though supposely it's because she's been busy, than it's not worth it. Friends shouldn't treat other friends like this and she is. I'd move on. That's my advice. Good luck!

[darkblue]

Leave it and wait for her to contact you.

 

You don't want to seem like you're the only one trying.

[ComputerGuy]

Thanx guys, this is really starting to drive me insane. As much as I love everything about her, I know we we'll never be more than friends, but I feel like I'm being denied even that. And it hurts because whenever we have done stuff together its always seemed like great fun and the best time ever.

 

When it ends up in the position I'm in now, for no apparent reason, it makes me question everything else beforehand, and that REALLY hurts. I can handle people not liking me, its nothing new, but I can't handle not knowing what the hell I'm supposed to do or where I stand.

[ComputerGuy]

OK, I FINALLY heard from her via email, she apologised profusely for being so hard to get a hold of and being unresponsive, and promised me as soon as she gets her phone issue sorted she'd love to go back to talking of a night time cause she misses it.

 

I can honestly say I love the girl so naturally I'm giving her a chance to prove it, but she does know that it hurt me, and she did apologise and acknowledge it, so I guess its up to her to make an effort as well.