"This Isn't Poetry"

[From_Now_On]

This isn't poetry

This is no story

Nothing beautiful

Nothing flattering

 

This is me

Stripped raw and bare

So many feelings blind me

I want to be jaded

I don't want to care

 

I hurt, it hurts to feel

I'm tired of feeling

Tired of dealing

Tired of being, me

I just want to bleed

 

I close my eyes and pretend I'm okay

Pray I fall asleep and just fade away

Living is dying painfully slow

There's gotta be an easier way to go

 

My thoughts are running

Do they make any sense?

Flowing out from my fingertips

I try to shed the pretense, of my being

I'm trying

I'm dying

I'm bleeding

Out loud

But it's still so quiet

I'm stuck inside myself

And can't get out

 

I'm SCREAMING

Can you hear it?

Screaming TAKE ME AWAY

I'm sick of whispered phony-fake confessions

And promises to stay

JUST LEAVE

I'm sick of my tendencies of hoping for the best

When I know life will slap me in the face with some horrible mess

 

Faking smiles is getting too easy

And too hard

All at once

It's always just different enough to hurt

But it's always the same

Never fun

But always a game

 

Everyone else looks so much stronger

And I'm trying to be just like they all are

They seem to hold out so much longer

And I feel I have no excuse to fall apart

 

But I can't help it

I feel too much

It doesn't have to reach at all

For me to feel it's touch

Pain

Just a whisper can tear through my body and rip me down to a shred

Til' I close my eyes and dream of laying on the cold floor

With a blank stare

Dead

 

Oh, not to FEEL

I just want it all to stop

When your own skin makes your skin crawl

You're in an awful spot

 

Glancing over my shoulder

Nervous to be caught as I commit suicide on paper

Dreaming to scream out loud "I HATE HER"

Referring to myself

 

I'm done now

And I'm sorry

Find your eyes a prettier place to rest

This wasn't poetry

And I didn't try my best

It was nothing more than another pathetic, overly-dramatic, cry for help

When really I should just shut up and kill myself

[brahman]

deep

[GettingOverIt]

I know I have said this before, but you truly do have a gift, a way with words and expressing your deepest feelings and emotions through your poetry and lyrics...

 

Particular to this poem (anti-poem?), these lines hit me the hardest:

 

I want to be jaded

I don't want to care

(We don't WANT to care, but we do care nonetheless... Sometimes wishing we could hate the ones we love so /blankety-blank/ much!)

 

I'm tired of feeling

Tired of dealing

Tired of being, me

~sigh~ Tired of being.....me..... I know EXACTLY how ya feel... Especially when you're not even sure who 'ME' is sometimes... blah!

 

Living is dying painfully slow

(YES!)

 

I'm stuck inside myself

And can't get out

(Stuck... Just as far in as you are out, not making any progress no matter which way you run... Yeap, I know that one, too... Well, I know you know that....)

 

When your own skin makes your skin crawl

You're in an awful spot

(This has got to be one of the most profound lines I have read in a long, long time... Excellent!)

 

Find your eyes a prettier place to rest

('Pretty' is in the eyes which look upon the words written on the page, and the emotions evoked by those words... When something moves someone so deeply, it is pretty, no matter what it looks like!!!!!!!)

 

TCOY, Kiddo... (I PM'd ya)

[From_Now_On]

Gettingoverit:

 

Thanks. And I know you hear me loud and clear on much of this. I always appreciate your responses. Very much so. So, as always, thanks for taking the time to read, and respond.

 

t/c of u & urs as well

 

(I PM'd ya back

 

-FNO

[shorty20]

from now on.... have you ever tried to get any of the published??? I always love reading your stuff.... it's so great, and you have so much talent... as always, I absoutly loved this one.... it was deep, and a little darker than the others, but in a way I liked it..... great job.. i always look forward to reading your stuff....

[From_Now_On]

from now on.... have you ever tried to get any of the published??? I always love reading your stuff.... it's so great, and you have so much talent... as always, I absoutly loved this one.... it was deep, and a little darker than the others, but in a way I liked it..... great job.. i always look forward to reading your stuff....

 

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate your comment/compliment. And no, I have never tried to get any of my work published. I'm really glad you liked it though, and yes, it did lean on the darker side this time around. Some of my stuff can be really dark at times. Anyway, thanks again.

 

-FNO

[ForAnother]

Know what? I didn't like it... utnill the last two stanzas.

 

They blew me away.

 

Wow... is all I have to say. I love the last like 4 lines... just fantastic.

 

I love the idea, and I love how it seems like "depressed poetic babble"... but then you take it at the end and you say that it was that, and you push it to a new limit... which I just love.

 

Keep it up.

 

ForAnother

[From_Now_On]

ForAnother,

 

Thanks for your honest opinion. You tend to be more of a critic, which I know I need every now and then....and I know it means that your praises are not just fluff because you'll tell me when you think something's crap. I mean, don't get me wrong, obviously I'd love for you (and everyone) to have liked all of it...but this is reality and I'd rather someone gave me their honest opinion than a whole bunch of fluff they didn't mean. But also I know people read and take in poetry different so it can end up being like the whole, "One man's trash is another man's treasure" depending on the various experiences in life or whatever else. Anyway, that was a lot of perhaps pointless ramble to just say: Thanks for voicing your honest views on this, (and all other), poems/pieces.

 

-FNO