hurtandconfused Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 After an abusive relationship an old friend helped me out sorted me out got me a job etc this old friend happened to be my first crush. After about a year he started complaining about his girlfriend (same old thing I can hear you all sigh) but anyway one thing led to another. I loved him unconditionally, he ended up leaving and moving in with me which to be honest I didnt feel great about they have a child. I found ot he had lied to me about his girlfriend knowing etc. It was heartbreaking, the worst, I asked him to leave which he did stright back home, I did the whole begging thing but then left him alone for 8 mnths still I just know I dont want anyone else, I cant do it. Do you believe in meant to be? Thats what he asked me 3 weeks ago when I bumped into him. I never did before this, we were both shaking uncontrollably. We did end up sleeping together guess for acceptance. That wont happen again while hes in a relationship, Ive just sent him an e-mail cos he was askin hoe I felt see below 'Ok babe you asked for it. How many people go thru life thinking I wish I would have, could have, should have. Its stupid you do what you feel is right at the time, and accept it or get stuck in it. I always think I shouldn't have asked you to go that time and that burnt for ages but Its one of them Things, there never is going to be a right time or if there was then its been and gone. I do agree that it maybe was meant to be at that time, but not anymore. Something wasn't right, wether it be in your heart or head. You know you here about people in there 60s hooking up with people from there past. I don't intend to do that who Im with is gonna be the one hopefully till I die. I'm glad your in my life now though. And you can talk to me if things get rough which hopefully they won't, but I wont be there for you jus in case your things go tits up. I still love you but its kinda changing to a different kinda love. Like ***** or ***** and that's good for me otherwise Id stay single or celibate forever…… Soppy enough for you ha' I obviously still really love him, but I cant cause anymore hurt to myself or her Please tell me what you think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Hello, It's an akward position to be in, and I think he probably has some feelings for you, and I can see that you have feelings for him, but "meant to be" is a cliche if you ask me, one he used on you because he is confused and wants you both. I think you know in your heart and mind that what you did was wrong (or you wouldn't be asking us not to judge you) and that the only thing to do showing any real integrity and self respect is for you to back down and not give him the option to hurt you and his gf and child any longer. You had a right to be hurt and throw him out when you found out he lied to you, and I have no doubt he would do it again. In this case he is treating both of you in a substandard way and getting what he wants while not really knowing or caring about the consequences his gf, child and you are suffering. You know if you let him he will keep messing with both of you and I think you also know that you deserve someone who will be able to give you 100% attention. For your own sake, I would cut off all communication with him and try your best to move on with your life. Even if he did leave his gf and child again... (doesn't sound like a savory character if you ask me...) I would never be able to trust him personally, and I think you may feel that way too, or you wouldn't have thrown him out in the first place. You set the wheels in motion by tossing his cheating, lying butt out, and I would keep them moving. I can assure you there are many guys out there who wouldn't dream of hurting women for their own pleasure as he has. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurtandconfused Posted June 22, 2005 Author Share Posted June 22, 2005 Thanks hope I guess I know all this really deep down, his daughter is adorable I dont want anything to hurt her or his girlfriend I guess if they split of there own accord then maybe I could but I really dont wantto be a deciding factor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cleverme123 Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 He has some feelings for you but none the less they aren't strong enough for him to break up his other relationship. I would have to say if he can't pick between one or the other to stay faithful too, he isn't worth pursuing, no matter what the connection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 I think you need to look beyond your own feelings in this situation that is where the anwers are that you are looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurtandconfused Posted June 22, 2005 Author Share Posted June 22, 2005 I know thats the worst thing is I know sometimes my feelings are so strong and Ive been so unhapy without him I cant see past them, but im going to try initiate nc again, thanks guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 How is NC going? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
animatrix Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Hi, Sorry you are hurting. I didn't really understand parts of the post. Did he move in with you without telling his ex-girlfriend that he was leaving her? Or was it that he did indeed break it off with her but didnt tell her he was seeing someone else? I could understand that you may have been upset that she didnt know about you and that you may have felt he was decieving you and her, but it might have been very difficult for him to tell her. Some may disagree, but I think if they had truly broken up he doesnt really have to tell her what he doing in his romantic life anymore. However, him leaving to go back straight to his girlfriend is a bad sign. If he was truly unhappy with her he wouldnt be back there and he would be doing everything, eg. being on his own, to show you how much he loves and wants to be with you. My situation is similar to yours. I asked my bf to leave me after I began feeling that he had started a relationship with me too soon (one week) after he broke up with his ex-girlfriend, who also has his child. He didnt get back with her. He stayed on his own to work things out for himself. He wanted to show me that he really cared for me and that he was willing to take the time out to show me that I wasnt just his rebound relationship. It worked. So I think NC is a good idea, but I also think your guy should move out and be on his own a while before you consider anything with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurtandconfused Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Hi thanks for all your replys, nc hasnt really got off the ground yet, he has been round and said he would prefer we talk once a week rather than not at all, but when we are together its not like friends there is something more there and the inevitable happened....... which is really abad sign as after that I always get so attatched, just need the strengh to block his e-mail address and not answer my phone!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurtandconfused Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Right have blocked e-mail address and my phone from recieving private numbers, need to go have a good cry I think, although I know he is using me, calling from private numbers and leaving after sex makes me feel horrible and the fact he has a family. Im not going to explain to him just do it. Think I may be a regular on here for a while!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Right have blocked e-mail address and my phone from recieving private numbers, need to go have a good cry I think, although I know he is using me, calling from private numbers and leaving after sex makes me feel horrible and the fact he has a family. Im not going to explain to him just do it. Think I may be a regular on here for a while!!!! Hey, That's OK. You can come here and vent and get support as much as you need to. You know that you deserve someone who is there for you 100%.... not someone who has to leave after he sleeps with you to go home to his gf and child. Put yourself in the gf's position, she's trying to raise his baby and he left and and is back but now cheating on her, lousy huh? What about his baby? S/He deserves better than a lousy dad who cheats on his/her mother. Don't be the one who contibutes to break up of that family....(he will inevitable do it on his own but don't help him do it, have some integrity...) Plus, this guy sounds like he has no morals or integrity, and does not care about you or his gf and kid....only NUMERO UNO... that's right , getting his rocks off for himself anyway he can. You are absolutely right, he is using you, and you deserve a heck of alot more devotion and respect than that... and you are the only one who can stop it by cutting him from your life. It will be hard, lean on us and your other friends and family, but you know in the long run you are going to be so much better off and have alot more respect for yourself if you stop letting him use you. He's a jerk, keep telling yourself that, and hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurtandconfused Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 But do you think I should explain what Im going to do and why or just let him work it out for himself??? I know initially when he just tookit upon himself and never let me know it really hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I don't think you need to explain what you are doing, you do not owe him that, but if you feel that you want to maybe send him an email and let him know that it's over and enough is enough, do what you feel you must. I would just be cautious, if you do send an email, he is likely to double his efforts to get his booty call back, including possibly BSing you by telling you he loves you etc. I would not see him in person to tell him, nor would I call him and give him a chance to try and defend himself (though there is nothing he can say that could defend his deplorable actions...) I would only send a brief email and then cut off all contact and do not respond to any subsequent attempts by him to contact you. You have to stick to it and be strong. If he loved you he wouldn't be using you and going home to her. Remember, words are empty vessels. They are easy to say, it's the actions that show true feeling and intention, and as long as he is cheating and destroying his family and using you in the process, you have all the information you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurtandconfused Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Thanks Hope, Its so hard to bring up the subject of being with someone who is with someone without being judged. I have ignored 2 calls so far and dont know how many e-mails as have them blocked, but is quite liberating not checking every 2 mins!!!! But thanks again x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hurtandconfused Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Oh and love the pic by the way!!!! Funny once upon a time I thought he was my Mr Big! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Hurt, Anytime, you can always come here when you need support or to be reminded why you are ignoring him and shutting him out of your life. Keep us posted and let us know what happens. Know that you deserve so much more than this two timer could ever give you. I am a Sex and the City addict, I own all 6 seasons on DVD.... it's my therapy I swear! H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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