I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 This is a poem based on a romantic encounter I thought up around this time last week. Its not real, but I wish it was... My girl sleeps securely and unattached On a moon white sheet in a caravan by the beach I arouse her and open up the door latch There are some things that I have to teach We sit in the ocean together She is in my lap I hold her around her stomach forever I know my love is a trap Then I tell her how beautiful she is And how every guy who knew her would want her In the wind her hair begins to fizz And the moon and stars watch over what is about to occur We build a fire and eat some smores We have sex and she know how much I love her She asks for more and more Then I put a blanket on her to keep her warm and to cover her I take her back to our caravan at 3am She sleeps soundly, thinking that everything that has happened was just a dream She sleeps and dreams And dreams.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 Someone, Please respond to my poem!!! Was it good? Did it suck? How could it improved??? Please, any comments or critisms would be welcome. I just want to know that people have read my poem and have thought about it. Thanks!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petalbud Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Lol, yeh, ive read ur poem,.. sounds quite romantic, but there's an element of sadness in it because all your lovemaking is only dream to her,. but its real to you. Leads to me think of someone who is infatuated with another person.... The rhythm is a bit jerky i would say,.. but overall its a good read. keep at it! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 I understand that my poem is a bit jagged, but thats because I really wanted every line to rhyme. For me, I always write poems that rhyme, so sometimes my thoughts and sentense structure are less that what I could have made them. But rhyme is essential to me for my poems. I wrote this poem after going to dance class, which I find very romantic. I went to dance class last night and I once again had some ideas for a romantic poem, but I am too busy to write them down today. I am going to start the poem on Thursday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petalbud Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Look forward to reading ur new poem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
From_Now_On Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 i think you have a really, really beautiful mind. When I first ever saw your username...I fell in love with it. And then I read this and it just seems like you have a really very beautiful way of thinking. -fno Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted June 20, 2005 Author Share Posted June 20, 2005 LOL, do I have a beautiful mind? People who know me know I can be very romantic, but also very stubborn and arrogant at times, other times blaming people for their bad situations, other times helpful, other times nice and caring, other times angry and vengeful. I am all these things!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
From_Now_On Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 LOL, do I have a beautiful mind? People who know me know I can be very romantic, but also very stubborn and arrogant at times, other times blaming people for their bad situations, other times helpful, other times nice and caring, other times angry and vengeful. I am all these things!!! Lol. Well, there's so much out there to respond to. Even the kindest person has their moments of true anger or whatever other 'less beautiful' emotions. What I meant was, the person you want to be. Because, the person we want to be is a big part of what makes us who we are. You know? We're all going to react to things...have our 'ugly' moments or what have you. We all have our flaws (that's for darned sure). But, all of that stripped away. When it just comes to the level of you and your thoughts, it's really beautiful. Not everyone really ever gets down and into all of that. Takes the time to look at the person they want to be, the life they want to live, the love they truly want to have. Also, when you go through and read this, almost all of this that you have envisioned as your 'perfect' experience...well, it's almost entirely about how you're making the OTHER person happy. And that sort of selflessness I find particularly beautiful. Anyway. Short answer: Yes. You do have quite a beautiful mind as I see it. -FNO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I_love_rain_hugs_and_you Posted June 20, 2005 Author Share Posted June 20, 2005 Thank you!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
From_Now_On Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 You're very welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer_in_greece Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Rain, That really is an awesome poem!!! I wish I could write poetry like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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