Is it wrong that I think of someone from my past still.. even 15 years later

[D33n]

When I was 17 years old, I started a very short but very intense relationship with a boy from my class. I’d had boyfriends before and after and no one ever made me feel what I felt when I was with him. It was a strange bond and we talked for hours on end about everything and I swear we could read each other’s minds. We were together for 3 months but we had to end the relationship because I discovered he was doing drugs. I was angry at him for basically choosing drugs over me and I entered into a long relationship with someone else. For the entirety of that relationship I thought about him all the time. I’d go a few months without thinking of him and then it would happen, I’d think about him all day long and miss him. When I was 23 he was celebrating 2 years sober so, I reached out to congratulate him and no surprise, we began talking all the time again. Even through fb messages I felt that strong connection we’d had before and he revealed to me that he also constantly thought of me. He’d even said he looked for me in his following relationships and always wanted to find someone who reminded him of me. He’d tell me how badly he wanted to see me but I always told him that it was a bad idea being we were both in relationships. (Even though I wanted to see him too) Talking to him went on for another year but, we didn’t reconcile because everytime he was single I was with someone or vice versa. We are both married to other people and I love my life and my husband so so so very much. But to this day, even in my 30s I have these phases where I think about him and it puts a pit in my stomach and tears in my eyes and I can’t explain why. It drives me nuts and I want to know if 1) I am morally wrong for this 2) if anyone out there experienced anything similar. 3) how I can make it stop. 4) if it’s normal to feel this way about someone who was in my life for such a short time. My urge to talk to him can never be something I act on because I think it is entirely inappropriate given our past feelings for each other and that we are both married

[yogacat]

I truly think that in life there is someone that we always wish we would have been with. 

It's so easy to think about the what ifs or the possibilities. The more you romanticize and fantasize the more you will end up feeling guilty and questioning everything.

It's kind of like when we want something we can't have or when we desire to have something that we didn't get. I do believe this is something that we all go through. So I don't think it's a matter of moral ethics here.

You were also 17 years old and at that age we tend to be more impulsive and making decisions based on emotions. So when it all ended you didn't get proper closure and as life went on and you became an adult you kept thinking about this closure and never quite got it. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Thinking is part of human nature.

Don't let the past consume you or your future.