the person i hate most...

[nemo93]

Been to therapy for years and it helps but my therapist gives me stuff to read about self confidence.

Except it doesnt really help.

Im wondering what can i do to love myself? What can i do to bring my self confidence up ?

It seems like the person i hate most in the world is myself and i don't know how to change that.

[Cherylyn]

You start loving yourself by taking excellent care of yourself.   For example,  concentrate on being healthy or getting healthy with good food and exercise.  Pay attention to self care,  grooming,  pampering yourself and details about your appearance because when you look your best,  usually,  you'll feel your best which increases your self esteem and self confidence. 

Work hard whether it's school or work.  Develop interests whether it's intellect,  hobbies,  outings or whatever strikes your fancy.

Get involved with your community.  Volunteer for charitable good works.  Join clubs,  groups or organizations which is a good way to relate to others you have in common with,  make new friends and find balance between tending to yourself and having social outlets. 

Be a well rounded person in many facets because you'll make yourself interesting to yourself and attract others to you.  People are attracted to independent people. 

When you take good care of yourself,  you'll become a secure person.  Secure people have self confidence,  high self esteem and self worth. 

Take actions because you have to start somewhere.  It's not easy but no one else will maintain yourself except you. 

Respect yourself because this is self love.

[nemo93]

19 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

You start loving yourself by taking excellent care of yourself.   For example,  concentrate on being healthy or getting healthy with good food and exercise.  Pay attention to self care,  grooming,  pampering yourself and details about your appearance because when you look your best,  usually,  you'll feel your best which increases your self esteem and self confidence. 

Work hard whether it's school or work.  Develop interests whether it's intellect,  hobbies,  outings or whatever strikes your fancy.

Get involved with your community.  Volunteer for charitable good works.  Join clubs,  groups or organizations which is a good way to relate to others you have in common with,  make new friends and find balance between tending to yourself and having social outlets. 

Be a well rounded person in many facets because you'll make yourself interesting to yourself and attract others to you.  People are attracted to independent people. 

When you take good care of yourself,  you'll become a secure person.  Secure people have self confidence,  high self esteem and self worth. 

Take actions because you have to start somewhere.  It's not easy but no one else will maintain yourself except you. 

Respect yourself because this is self love.

I should probably mention that i have general depression and anxiety.

Most of these things are hard for me to do. Sometimes just brushing my teeth is difficult.

I don't have friends and since i sacrified my best years in adolescence where you learn how to socialize, i never knew how to make them.

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, nemo93 said:

I should probably mention that i have general depression and anxiety.

Most of these things are hard for me to do. Sometimes just brushing my teeth is difficult.

I don't have friends and since i sacrificed my best years in adolescence where you learn how to socialize, i never knew how to make them.

I can't speak for you but a lot in life is difficult for me to do yet I just do it.  If I think too much about attempting to do anything,  then I continue wallowing in my misery and it becomes another wasted,  unproductive day.  Hence,  the vicious cycle of self loathing and perpetual lack of industriousness is endless.  

Making friends is hard because generally people are attracted to independently strong people with interesting lives of their own.  This is why it's important to build your own life first before being with others.  Being secure within your own skin comes from self care and doing something with your life. 

Complaining gets you nowhere.  Practice the power of positive thinking and keep moving forward towards improvement.  You have to start somewhere.  Take baby steps. 

Practice gratitude and you'll learn to respect and love yourself.

[Seraphim]

Can you pick one thing every day you are thankful for ? 

[nemo93]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Can you pick one thing every day you are thankful for ? 

I started doing this when i was in university. It helped me be positive. I started to see the positive side of things. But it wasn't things about myself. Mainly things i had experienced in my day.

[yogacat]

You need to work on being compassionate with yourself...

One of the first things to understand is that self-compassion is not about self-pity or self-indulgence. It is about understanding and accepting oneself, flaws and all. It is recognizing that being human means being imperfect and making mistakes.

Let go of perfectionism: Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Perfectionism is a trap that leads to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.

I struggle with that myself.

[catfeeder]

What are your barriers to viewing yourself as likable?

Start with 'liking,' then work on 'loving' after that.

[ShySoul]

14 hours ago, nemo93 said:

I should probably mention that i have general depression and anxiety.

Most of these things are hard for me to do. Sometimes just brushing my teeth is difficult.

I don't have friends and since i sacrified my best years in adolescence where you learn how to socialize, i never knew how to make them.

I feel depressed most days. Just this night I got extremely anxious and couldn't pinpoint why. I force myself out of bed to carry on with life, but many days it feels like going through the motions. Sometimes it's difficult to do the little things. And there is only one person I would really consider a friend. I don't like to socialize and even when I do, I rarely find anyone I really connect with enough to even be friends.

So I understand how you feel.

Self confidence can't come from reading something. It can't come from a therapist or anyone on the outside. It has to come from yourself, from within you.

Despite my depression, I have always believed in myself because I took the time to explore myself. I looked inward and really got to know who I was. I accepted and embraced all parts of me, the good and bad. Forget what other people say, think, or do. The only person's opinion of you that matters, is you. Figure out what makes you happy, sparks joy in your life. Then do it. 

Confidence comes when we are not trying to be anything, not trying to have confidence. It comes in the freedom of simply being us - our real, true, authentic self. It is in being in the moment, of experiencing those small moments that give us joy, whatever they may be. The more we try to feel something, the more are aware of what is missing and feel like we are failing. We stress and worry ourselves over it, which has the opposite affect of what we want. In not fighting for it and learning to just be the people we are and have fun doing whatever we are doing, we can feel a little better. And that little better grows a little bit more each day. Eventually, we see we are pretty good just as we are.

14 hours ago, nemo93 said:

It seems like the person i hate most in the world is myself and i don't know how to change that.

I actually think that is true for most people. We tend to be hardest on ourselves, beating each other up over things that really aren't bad or aren't under our control. 

The key is to not let the negative thoughts overwhelm the positive ones. Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. When you do something, remind yourself of all the good qualities you displayed to do it.

Accomplished something at work? Feel good about all the skills you needed to do it (patience, technical skills, time management, etc.). Have some talent or happy that makes you happy (art, writing, sports, etc)? Do it and feel proud of being able to do it. Good even be as simply as applauding yourself for getting out of bed to brush your teeth. You could have just stayed in bed all day and not done it. 

Keep an internal conversation with yourself. Give yourself little pep talks through the day. I'll talk to myself through the day, remindng myself that I'm doing good and that I can make it. It may seem silly, but it helps.

[Kwothe28]

20 hours ago, nemo93 said:

Im wondering what can i do to love myself? What can i do to bring my self confidence up ?

 

What does brings confidence in you? Is it something like working out? New clothes? Doing volunteer work? What does it makes you feel good and feel like you are the best person out there? Try to do things through day that will work positively on you.

Also

19 hours ago, nemo93 said:

I should probably mention that i have general depression and anxiety.

Most of these things are hard for me to do. Sometimes just brushing my teeth is difficult.

I don't have friends and since i sacrified my best years in adolescence where you learn how to socialize, i never knew how to make them.

Do you go to therapy for those issues? Its very hard to feel positive about yourself when your mental health is at low state and you are depressed. So if you dont go to therapy, maybe you should implore that option so qualified therapist can can give you pointers how to navigate your life in a better way.