What’s wrong with me?

[Justagirl1996]

 

I am female, 28, single. I work full time, study and keep myself busy with friends, trips etc.

Please can someone help me understand why as of recently, I have been thinking about and essentially, missing my ex partner. To the point it is weighing on me rather heavy and I feel pretty sad about it. 

For context, we were together 7 years, 3 YEARS AGO. Do I sound crazy? For further context, the relationship wasn’t great. It could get pretty bad to the point he could be verbally, mentally and at times physically abusive. But then there was the “good” and it was very good. I ended it with him pretty abruptly, because quite frankly I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt broken and didn’t love myself anymore so I needed to leave. When I say I left, I cut complete contact with him and disappeared. I heard through the great vine that he would ask for me, but I was done. 

I think I heard a year into our break up that he was in a relationship with someone new and they were expecting a child together. (We had experienced a miscarriage) But even still, at the time of finding out, it didn’t bother me and if anything I felt sorry for whoever was now in a relationship with him. 

I have not dated since we broke up, not seriously. Of course I have been on dates but none that really “did it” for me. So I decided to just continue working on fixing myself, remain alone and see where life takes me. I have never been someone that is afraid of being alone, I do things alone regularly until recently where I am finding the alone time, rather lonely! 

Is my mind taking me back to the time where, as sad as it is, I last felt love? Or wasn’t “lonely”? Am I possibly experiencing a delayed mourning stage? 

To clarify, I would never and have no intention of reaching out to said ex. I just don’t understand why I am feeling this way and what my best foot forward would be in this situation.

[yogacat]

It's probably not that you want your ex back but it is exactly as you said, you're missing that feeling of love and being in a relationship.

So, there is nothing wrong with you.

You built a life with him and created memories together. Even though the relationship may have had its problems, there were still good moments and happy times.

I would say though that there 100% was an emotional and mental toll on you during that relationship and it may still be something that you have yet to fully process or heal from. Unfortunately, that can impact your ability to connect with someone new and feel that excitement and passion in your life.

Do you think that you may have unresolved issues from that relationship that may be causing you to still gravitate towards that connection with your ex? 

[Justagirl1996]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

It's probably not that you want your ex back but it is exactly as you said, you're missing that feeling of love and being in a relationship.

So, there is nothing wrong with you.

You built a life with him and created memories together. Even though the relationship may have had its problems, there were still good moments and happy times.

I would say though that there 100% was an emotional and mental toll on you during that relationship and it may still be something that you have yet to fully process or heal from. Unfortunately, that can impact your ability to connect with someone new and feel that excitement and passion in your life.

Do you think that you may have unresolved issues from that relationship that may be causing you to still gravitate towards that connection with your ex? 

Hi Yogacat, thank you for your response. I agree, I don’t feel as though I want him back, there absolutely was an impact on my mental well being, confidence etc from that relationship. 
In regards to unresolved issues, perhaps I’m resentful? I don’t really know why else it would be him I’m thinking about. 

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, Justagirl1996 said:

Hi Yogacat, thank you for your response. I agree, I don’t feel as though I want him back, there absolutely was an impact on my mental well being, confidence etc from that relationship. 
In regards to unresolved issues, perhaps I’m resentful? I don’t really know why else it would be him I’m thinking about. 

Resentful maybe that he wasted a significant amount of my time and energy? Or that he caused you pain and trauma? You left that relationship for a reason and it's important to remind yourself of that when these thoughts and feelings come up. My long term ex, someone I was engaged to, sounds like your 7 year experience. Love was powerful but only in good doses. Resentment builds later.

[TeeDee]

You may not actually be thinking of him.  Rather view him as a symbol.  He's a symbol of companionship & relationship.   Your subconscious is telling you that you are ready to move forward.  It's not him you want but a relationship.  

[Justagirl1996]

36 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Resentful maybe that he wasted a significant amount of my time and energy? Or that he caused you pain and trauma? You left that relationship for a reason and it's important to remind yourself of that when these thoughts and feelings come up. My long term ex, someone I was engaged to, sounds like your 7 year experience. Love was powerful but only in good doses. Resentment builds later.

Possibly both! Resentful that I really wanted it to work and almost killed myself trying. Or that I have changed so much as a person from before I met him, to who I was dating him, to who I am now. 
I agree, I absolutely left for good reason, I still remember that day to every fine detail. I’m sorry that you experienced something similar. 
I just don’t understand how he has been able to move on and be happy and I haven’t?

[Justagirl1996]

6 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

You may not actually be thinking of him.  Rather view him as a symbol.  He's a symbol of companionship & relationship.   Your subconscious is telling you that you are ready to move forward.  It's not him you want but a relationship.  

Thank you for this. I think you’re right, I just didn’t realise it could make me feel sad 

[woodsrose10]

2 hours ago, Justagirl1996 said:

 

I am female, 28, single. I work full time, study and keep myself busy with friends, trips etc.

Please can someone help me understand why as of recently, I have been thinking about and essentially, missing my ex partner. To the point it is weighing on me rather heavy and I feel pretty sad about it. 

For context, we were together 7 years, 3 YEARS AGO. Do I sound crazy? For further context, the relationship wasn’t great. It could get pretty bad to the point he could be verbally, mentally and at times physically abusive. But then there was the “good” and it was very good. I ended it with him pretty abruptly, because quite frankly I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt broken and didn’t love myself anymore so I needed to leave. When I say I left, I cut complete contact with him and disappeared. I heard through the great vine that he would ask for me, but I was done. 

I think I heard a year into our break up that he was in a relationship with someone new and they were expecting a child together. (We had experienced a miscarriage) But even still, at the time of finding out, it didn’t bother me and if anything I felt sorry for whoever was now in a relationship with him. 

I have not dated since we broke up, not seriously. Of course I have been on dates but none that really “did it” for me. So I decided to just continue working on fixing myself, remain alone and see where life takes me. I have never been someone that is afraid of being alone, I do things alone regularly until recently where I am finding the alone time, rather lonely! 

Is my mind taking me back to the time where, as sad as it is, I last felt love? Or wasn’t “lonely”? Am I possibly experiencing a delayed mourning stage? 

To clarify, I would never and have no intention of reaching out to said ex. I just don’t understand why I am feeling this way and what my best foot forward would be in this situation.

You’re sure that there isn’t a part of you that wants him back? Here’s an article that will help (at least make you feel better):

https://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Ex-Back-Fast-by-Text-Message