Younger Housemate

[SophiaG]

I'm not sure if she's actually an "old head on young shoulders" or you're seeing it that way because you want something to happen between the two of you. She might just be a good conversationalist and easily communicate better with her younger friends. Is the guy she's seeing much older than her as well? Does she have many other older friends? If not I see no reason in playing this idea into your head.

5 hours ago, jimdandy said:

She didn't didn't come home last night. Nothing unusual given she has a boyfriend but I always bump into her on a Saturday morning. I guess things have changed and I must accept this. But, damn, it kinda hurts right now...💔

I'm sorry but with the mindset you're describing in this thread I just don't see how this housemate situation is sustainable.

[jimdandy]

2 hours ago, SophiaG said:

I'm not sure if she's actually an "old head on young shoulders" or you're seeing it that way because you want something to happen between the two of you. She might just be a good conversationalist and easily communicate better with her younger friends. Is the guy she's seeing much older than her as well? Does she have many other older friends? If not I see no reason in playing this idea into your head.

I'm sorry but with the mindset you're describing in this thread I just don't see how this housemate situation is sustainable.

The guy she's going out with is 6 years older, 28, though still a whole decade younger than me.

 

I'll survive, it doesn't feel great at all that she's spending the weekend in another man's place, but I'll just have to mourn in silence...

[ShySoul]

16 minutes ago, jimdandy said:

I'll survive, it doesn't feel great at all that she's spending the weekend in another man's place, but I'll just have to mourn in silence...

Sorry you're feeling down about it. It'll take a bit to get used to. But you'll make it.

Any plans for the day? Distract yourself from the heartache with something fun. Don't let the pain get you down or spend your time mourning. Find something to be happy about and enjoy yourself. 

[jimdandy]

33 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Sorry you're feeling down about it. It'll take a bit to get used to. But you'll make it.

Any plans for the day? Distract yourself from the heartache with something fun. Don't let the pain get you down or spend your time mourning. Find something to be happy about and enjoy yourself. 

Thanks.

Went out last night so just a hangover on the agenda for today!

[ShySoul]

5 minutes ago, jimdandy said:

Thanks.

Went out last night so just a hangover on the agenda for today!

Ah, you already had too much fun. Hope you enjoyed yourself.😉

 

[Andrina]

On 10/24/2024 at 6:49 PM, jimdandy said:

I'm in no real rush on the family front.

I'm not surprised at this, because of how you've set yourself up in your living conditions. If you ever want a longterm exclusive relationship with a woman, think about setting up living conditions that will be more conducive to that goal. If I were dating a guy your age, by that stage in life, I would only be happy if he were living alone, even if it were in a small studio apartment. Roommates put a damper on privacy, and I certainly wouldn't be comfortable if his roommate was a young woman like whom you're living with now. And you yourself said your gf had concerns about it. 

In just speaking of 22 year old women in general, their brains haven't even fully formed in the prefrontal cortex, the decision making area. This won't happen for her for another 3 years. Though I don't believe she shares your interest, if in fact she did, she might not have the foresight to know all the cons that would entail being with someone so much older--that is if it actually lasted. On average, you'd be retiring a whole 16 years before her. So you might expect her to be your companion in your elderly years while she's still full on in a career. And your old age ailments will happen a decade and a half before she starts having issues. She might grow to resent having to deal with all that when she's younger and her active life has to be shoved to the back burner while attending to someone almost old enough to be her Dad.

Can I ask what your longest relationship has been during your adult dating life? You're approaching mid-life. Time to really think about what your life goals are and how to achieve them. Sounds like you're skating along and being really casual about things right now. That's okay if that's what you want, but  one day you might find that of lot of short term relationships end up feeling like a shallow life.

[jimdandy]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

I'm not surprised at this, because of how you've set yourself up in your living conditions. If you ever want a longterm exclusive relationship with a woman, think about setting up living conditions that will be more conducive to that goal. If I were dating a guy your age, by that stage in life, I would only be happy if he were living alone, even if it were in a small studio apartment. Roommates put a damper on privacy, and I certainly wouldn't be comfortable if his roommate was a young woman like whom you're living with now. And you yourself said your gf had concerns about it. 

In just speaking of 22 year old women in general, their brains haven't even fully formed in the prefrontal cortex, the decision making area. This won't happen for her for another 3 years. Though I don't believe she shares your interest, if in fact she did, she might not have the foresight to know all the cons that would entail being with someone so much older--that is if it actually lasted. On average, you'd be retiring a whole 16 years before her. So you might expect her to be your companion in your elderly years while she's still full on in a career. And your old age ailments will happen a decade and a half before she starts having issues. She might grow to resent having to deal with all that when she's younger and her active life has to be shoved to the back burner while attending to someone almost old enough to be her Dad.

Can I ask what your longest relationship has been during your adult dating life? You're approaching mid-life. Time to really think about what your life goals are and how to achieve them. Sounds like you're skating along and being really casual about things right now. That's okay if that's what you want, but  one day you might find that of lot of short term relationships end up feeling like a shallow life.

Yeah I'm fully aware of the age gap and how it can play out down the road. Thing is, when you're really into someone, it kinda overrides everything else.

I'm fairly comfortable in my set-up and life right now. Most of my friends are settled down with families and kids and I can't say that I'm really envious of them tbh and I've been doing well dating these past few years.

Longest relationships were for over four years (twice) and I've been seeing the current gf for two years. I know it's not right on several fronts but I would give anything to have a chance with my housemate, however unlikely it is.

[SophiaG]

43 minutes ago, jimdandy said:

Longest relationships were for over four years (twice) and I've been seeing the current gf for two years. I know it's not right on several fronts but I would give anything to have a chance with my housemate, however unlikely it is.

"Would give anything" yet moving out before asking her is too extreme and you won't even end things with your gf of two years?

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, jimdandy said:

I've been seeing the current gf for two years

What is the deal with her? We've established not pursuing the roommate, but how are things with your girlfriend? You said she warned you about the roommate. Did she pick up on anything? Are there trust issues or some other problem and maybe you're attracted to the other girl because of what is lacking in the relationship you have?

Not saying anything for sure, just curious. Think your time would be best spent figuring out the current relationship and if it is really what you want. Maybe work out your feelings there and if the two of you are right for each other. 

And if you need any ideas on that, we're here for you.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, SophiaG said:

"Would give anything" yet moving out before asking her is too extreme and you won't even end things with your gf of two years?

Maybe she tolerates his atypical lifestyle choices given his age - the roommate/young female roommate/going out drinking - he's not craving marriage/family life and maybe she isn't either but I bet she'd be unhappy with how intensely he is lusting after his roommate.

[SophiaG]

21 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Maybe she tolerates his atypical lifestyle choices given his age - the roommate/young female roommate/going out drinking - he's not craving marriage/family life and maybe she isn't either but I bet she'd be unhappy with how intensely he is lusting after his roommate.

Yeah. I just find OP full of inconsistencies - saying he cares for the housemate but assumes her moving out is "no big deal" and jokes about getting her drunk; brushing his gf off about the housemate; saying he'd "give anything" for a chance with the housemate but not willing to either move out or untangle himself from the off-and-on gf first. I'm not convinced they can stay platonic housemates/friends for much longer as is.