Found Out My Girlfriend Is An Escort

[Jon22]

Hi All.  After a bit of Advise on a sensitive topic. Will explain the history and how i found out. 

So i started dating a girl 2 years ago. I love her and she told me she loves me. Now when we started dating she lived with parents at home and things were perfect, we would meet up whenever i wanted and she did, she used to dress up nicely and spend a whole day overnight with me etc. 

1 year into the relationship, she moved out. Its also when we told each other we have feelings. But this is when the change appeared. I could never contact her when i want, our phone calls were scheduled. Intimacy stopped, used to be passionate kissing. Since she moved out, she would always be late to meeting, and would always have to Ruch off at a certain time. She could never be late to go back. Overnights were non existent, She made the basic effort in Makeup and clothing. Also she started acting in the bedroom with noises etc.

Now how i got suspicious, is before i was with her, i did use the services sometimes when lonely of escorts. So have an idea of how they act in the room. Everything she was doing was that of what i experienced in the past. So i decided to search the sites i know off. And to my shock i found what looked like her. There were certain body marks unique to her, Partial blurred pictures, i could make out her face shape. She is even wearing the sexy lingerie i brought her. 

To confirm this, once we met, i made a booking with the girl for a time she should be with me, to my surprise she was like i have to meet friends at this time, so cant have dinner etc with you. This confirmed to me she is that girl. I could also smell other men on her and she never smelt fresh. She also takes phone calls when with me and goes somewhere else. 

I know its her, because she had my Uber before. Once she booked it to the location i know she works from. 

Now im struggling to confront her, if i confront her, she will be like what am i doing looking on such websites. But not getting a final answer is playing with my mental health. My gut and eyes 100 percent say she is an escort. 

I even started paying her rent for a few months, hoping that if she gets rent paid for she will stop as she don't need extra money. She does a full time job too. But shes always available on the site. In fact on Valentines day, she chose to Escort instead of spending with me.  Also she used to ask for nails and hair money as gifts. Ive realised this is to look good for clients. 

I have since stopped paying rent as i cant afford to now, also it didn't have the desired results in making her stop. 

So my advise is, how should i confront her. I do love her, but she has not respected me. She is cheating. Mentally i cant cope either. Every night i lie in bed thinking who is my GF sucking off today and having fun with. She looks glamourous in her pics, yet all i get is simple joggers and a simple lingerie when we meet.  Someone suggested to book her and turn up there. But i am a bit wary to do this, possible backlash etc. 

[Batya33]

I would simply stop being in contact with this person and get checked for STDs.  I wouldn't confront because she might know people who might get angry with  you and try to harm you.  Also you are very focused on her putting in "effort" by showing up dressed a certain way and with makeup on and you are whining about how now she is not dressing up for you.  So what's the point - you focus so much on her as some sort of dressed up arm candy and not as a real person.  Also you checked up on her and do not trust her - again what's the point of dating someone  you don't trust.

I'd find a single woman who enjoys dressing up and putting on makeup and looking all pretty for you - and who also isn't doing that for other men for money.  That seems to make you happy in a romantic relationship.

[MissCanuck]

I wouldn't bother with confronting her. 

Just break up with her. If she asks why, tell her you know what she's doing in her free time and you cannot continue the relationship. 

[Jon22]

Thanks, thats what i plan to do. Ruined my trust though as well. 

[Coily]

Wanting to let her know is natural, it's human nature to want to call out someone who put your health at risk. I agree with MissCanuck, if she asks for a reason then you let her know you found out; otherwise just a "it's not working, bye."

Also, it's not whining when she gives you the rolled out of bed look as her effort for you; after the previous year she put in the time to impress you. It's like going to a restaurant and the first time they treat you well, and then later it turns into a buffet with a dirty sneeze guard.

[smackie9]

You choose however you want to end this relationship. This isn't about how she feels but how this has affected you. Either way you are still walking away.

[yogacat]

It's likely that she will deny it or try to defend herself if you confront her about it and who is to say she will stop escorting? I do think it's odd that you knew exactly where to find her and so it's pretty much a certainty that she is an escort.

Small world indeed. 

I'm also wondering if she switched over to escorting full time when she moved out of her parents house or if she was doing it all along but she was able to see you more often when she was living with her parents.

Your best bet is to break things off with her and move on. I know you want some form of closure, but it sounds like you already know the answers to your questions given that you've already looked into it.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Coily said:

Wanting to let her know is natural, it's human nature to want to call out someone who put your health at risk. I agree with MissCanuck, if she asks for a reason then you let her know you found out; otherwise just a "it's not working, bye."

Also, it's not whining when she gives you the rolled out of bed look as her effort for you; after the previous year she put in the time to impress you. It's like going to a restaurant and the first time they treat you well, and then later it turns into a buffet with a dirty sneeze guard.

I didn't read it that way  -no idea why she chose to get dolled up -might have been because she was coming from an escort gig.

[Coily]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I didn't read it that way  -no idea why she chose to get dolled up -might have been because she was coming from an escort gig.

OP- "we would meet up whenever i wanted and she did, she used to dress up nicely and spend a whole day overnight with me etc."

OP - "I could never contact her when i want, our phone calls were scheduled. Intimacy stopped, used to be passionate kissing. ... Overnights were non existent, She made the basic effort in Makeup and clothing."

OP - "So i decided to search the sites i know off. And to my shock i found what looked like her. ... She is even wearing the sexy lingerie i brought her." 

OP - "Also she used to ask for nails and hair money as gifts. Ive realised this is to look good for clients. "

OP - "She looks glamourous in her pics, yet all i get is simple joggers and a simple lingerie when we meet. "

This shows to me a clear degradation of how she presented herself to the OP. While people get more comfortable in a relationship they tend to get a but more casual; however, this clearly illustrates that she doesn't want to impress the OP at all, and considers any effort on her part too much for someone she's in a relationship with. It's extremely mercenary in how she dresses and acts when money is involved.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Coily said:

OP- "we would meet up whenever i wanted and she did, she used to dress up nicely and spend a whole day overnight with me etc."

OP - "I could never contact her when i want, our phone calls were scheduled. Intimacy stopped, used to be passionate kissing. ... Overnights were non existent, She made the basic effort in Makeup and clothing."

OP - "So i decided to search the sites i know off. And to my shock i found what looked like her. ... She is even wearing the sexy lingerie i brought her." 

OP - "Also she used to ask for nails and hair money as gifts. Ive realised this is to look good for clients. "

OP - "She looks glamourous in her pics, yet all i get is simple joggers and a simple lingerie when we meet. "

This shows to me a clear degradation of how she presented herself to the OP. While people get more comfortable in a relationship they tend to get a but more casual; however, this clearly illustrates that she doesn't want to impress the OP at all, and considers any effort on her part too much for someone she's in a relationship with. It's extremely mercenary in how she dresses and acts when money is involved.

Yes you are correct.  I found that the OP focused heavily on her effort in terms of makeup and clothing and I saw nothing about whether he put in effort except supporting her financially as he wrote or whether he valued anything else about her aside from her body and how she dressed up for him.

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Jon22 said:

Thanks, thats what i plan to do. Ruined my trust though as well. 

I would look at this way: you have learned you can trust yourself to sense when something is off. You knew things were not right, and you were correct. 

 

[Kwothe28]

9 hours ago, Jon22 said:

I even started paying her rent for a few months, hoping that if she gets rent paid for she will stop as she don't need extra money.

That is like giving drugs to a drugie hoping they wouldnt take more drugs from somebody else. It just doesnt work because, well, your girlfriend loves money. That is why she is an escort. She can sell her body and make more money. If you stopped paying her rent and buying her stuff, she would found somebody else to do that for her. Its that simple. That is what "Golddiggers" do. 

There is simply no need in confronting her. You would get some lies if she thinks she can shake up more money from you and nothing else. Just stop giving her money and leave. 

[Jon22]

Thanks for advise. 

I only paid her rent because i thought it would make her stop. I know the reasons girls escort. Main one is money and to cover living cost. I covered her living, she has a full time job too. To me i thought she would stop. 

I also treated her with respect, put her first. Didnt stress argue with her. 

Maybe she was always one. When i first met her, possible part time. At that time i didnt check websites as i didnt suspect. Moving out she became full time. 

I know the sites to check because i have used them when single. 

Small world and fate i found her. I could have gone on in life thinking she is genuine. 

I am going to break up with her. Will be in person. No point asking her. She is 100 petcent going to deny it. Only way is to catch her out. But that in her eyes puts me in wrong. She will say i booked a random girl. 

Std test should be fine. Things were always protected

[ShySoul]

So you have a suspicion based on circumstantial evidence, but not concrete proof. Even if the odds are in that direction, you still don't know for sure. And until you do, you won't really know what to think or how you feel. You won't have an explanation. All you will have is suspicion that will tear you up inside and cause you to poision the relationship yourself.

Honesty is the best policy. Communication is vital. If you believe she has lied, then hiding it from her and lying in return is just making you guilty of the thing you don't like. You need to just talk to her.

You don't have any real knowledge of the situation or what could have lead her to do it. Not all escorts engage in sexual acts. Sometimes an escort does just that, escort a person somewhere. They can be hired for all kinds of reasons, by all kinds of people. It doesn't make it a seedy thing. It doesn't mean she is a golddigger or just out for money. And it doesn't mean they are using anyone or necessarrily doing anything bad.

For that matter, if she was a gold digger, why didn't she ask you to pay her rent? You volunteered to do so. Don't think she can be held accountable for that if you offered it to her.

Also, there is a tiny double standard going if she is somehow wrong to be an escort, but it was okay for you to use escorts. Even if you used them before you got with her, you can still understand how that might hurt her. And it might help you understand why she would choose to do this.

Before you make up your mind on anything, talk with her. See if she has an explanation. See if there is a way to make it work. If you have been together two years, you owe it to both of you to at least have a conversation, calm and free of anger or judgements.

[ShySoul]

Just now, Jon22 said:

I only paid her rent because i thought it would make her stop. I know the reasons girls escort. Main one is money and to cover living cost. I covered her living, she has a full time job too. To me i thought she would stop. 

I also treated her with respect, put her first. Didnt stress argue with her. 

Offering to pay rent was testing her. It was trying to force her into choosing you and dropping the other thing. While understandable, it wasn't exactly the most honest or respectful thing to do. 

I feel bad for you if this is all true. It's like a betrayal, feeling like the trust you placed in her was broken. But making a choice on something this serious, without consulting her or at least giving her a chance to say her piece, isn't fair to either of you. It may not make any difference in the final outcome, but it's the right call to make. At least in talking you can clear the air and get to the truth. And whatever happens after, having that truth will make it easier to get past it. Don't talk and you will always have the doubts and questions hanging over you.

[Jon22]

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:

Offering to pay rent was testing her. It was trying to force her into choosing you and dropping the other thing. While understandable, it wasn't exactly the most honest or respectful thing to do. 

I feel bad for you if this is all true. It's like a betrayal, feeling like the trust you placed in her was broken. But making a choice on something this serious, without consulting her or at least giving her a chance to say her piece, isn't fair to either of you. It may not make any difference in the final outcome, but it's the right call to make. At least in talking you can clear the air and get to the truth. And whatever happens after, having that truth will make it easier to get past it. Don't talk and you will always have the doubts and questions hanging over you.

Yes i plan to talk. I did something which i thought would stop it. Some1 said about double standards. Yes i visited girls like this before. But it was when single. With her i was loyal. Most men do see other ladies single. This is what helped me find out. 

I do need to talk to her. I could be wrong. But what my eyes and head is seeing, i know im not. But for closure then yes i plan to talk. Im not just one for text dumping. 

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, Jon22 said:

Yes i plan to talk. I did something which i thought would stop it. Some1 said about double standards. Yes i visited girls like this before. But it was when single. With her i was loyal. Most men do see other ladies single. This is what helped me find out. 

I do need to talk to her. I could be wrong. But what my eyes and head is seeing, i know im not. But for closure then yes i plan to talk. Im not just one for text dumping. 

You don't have to text dump her. That's not what people are advocating. You can tell her you found x, y, and z and that your trust is 1000% irrevocably damaged so you're ending the relationship. You've gone so far as to make booking with her quite recently, so it doesn't sound like you need more confirmation and honestly that might just push things into an unnecessarily traumatic and drawn out confrontation.

When my ex fiance' was unfaithful, I asked him, he told me the truth thankfully, but it didn't matter because I had already moved on mentally/emotionally and my own words to himself at that moment were that he wasn't worth continuing with and rebuilding that trust with. 

It doesn't sound like you trust her anymore. The moment that trust is gone, whether it eventually turns out to be founded or unfounded, the relationship is on a very dangerous path.