Would getting your own condiment be a bad idea during a romantic dinner?

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, tattoobunnie said:

I could never ever date someone that high maintenance. 

Imagine that person going to someone's family for the holidays, and running out to buy salad dressing or to buy their own set of utensils.

It screams lack of adventure, OCD, inability to compromise or try something different, and stupidity as they didn't have to get a salad.  Who in the world orders salad at a Polish restaurant?  And, she couldn't just have it on the side so she could just taste it?

Either way, not a match.

I think part of the issue here is he picked the restaurant and ordered for her without much input from her and she was not adventurous enough to try the food without the ranch dressing. She probably could have spoken up and said no to polish food or, I'd like to order x, y, and z instead of going along with it.

[SophiaG]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

What if the meal was....cow eyeballs. Would you feel different? Would you eat it or ask for something different? If you wanted to try the cow eyeballs for the sake of being polite, would you want to add seasoning to make it go down better?

Playing devil's advocate. ☺️

I probably won't touch that with any kind of dressing anyways 🤐

If there are things on the menu I know I can't or don't want to eat I'd point it out when my date tries to order for me. If I tried something he recommended and ended up not liking the food... well, depending on if I want to see him again, I might order something else or suggest we go get ice cream/cheesecake/hot chocolate after dinner. The man should also have the maturity to know she doesn't have to like every single thing he likes and that's fine!

[SophiaG]

18 minutes ago, yogacat said:

she was not adventurous enough to try the food without the ranch dressing. She probably could have spoken up and said no to polish food or, I'd like to order x, y, and z instead of going along with it.

So a weird combination of timidity (not speaking up about the restaurant or the dish) and boldness (running out in the middle of a date to by her own dressing). Almost sounds like she's doing it deliberately to make a point - but then she shouldn't be surprised that he took notice and decided they were not a good match.

[itsallgrand]

24 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I think part of the issue here is he picked the restaurant and ordered for her without much input from her and she was not adventurous enough to try the food without the ranch dressing. She probably could have spoken up and said no to polish food or, I'd like to order x, y, and z instead of going along with it.

It's crazy to me that Polish food would be too wild for someone lol. It's good ol' comfort food meat taters and bread deliciousness. 

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, itsallgrand said:

It's crazy to me that Polish food would be too wild for someone lol. It's good ol' comfort food meat taters and bread deliciousness. 

Exactly . My brother’s ex-in-laws are Polish. Didn’t see any wild bugs or eyeballs when eating there …. lol. A lot of meat and potatoes etc . 

[ShySoul]

It's dressing. Come on people, it's dressing.

If she wants the dressing and it will make her happy, then I want her to have the dressing. I want her to be happy. I want her to have the best time possible on the date, and if this will add to her pleasure, then why wouldn't I be okay with?

If anything, I will tell her she should have told me what she wanted and I would have ran out to get it myself. I would have offered to pay for it.

Of course, I'll be the only one who thinks this. 

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Exactly . My brother’s ex-in-laws are Polish. Didn’t see any wild bugs or eyeballs when eating there …. lol. A lot of meat and potatoes etc . 

Yes. There is also a specialty "Kaszanka" which is a traditional blood sausage. I think though the standard fare would be less risque'.

[yogacat]

24 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Of course, I'll be the only one who thinks this. 

That's why you're unique. 

Honestly, I don't think I'd care if my date went out to get his favorite condiment. As long as it wasn't more than five minutes, lol. 😉

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, yogacat said:

What if the meal was....cow eyeballs. Would you feel different? Would you eat it or ask for something different? If you wanted to try the cow eyeballs for the sake of being polite, would you want to add seasoning to make it go down better?

Playing devil's advocate. ☺️

Right so if if it was something that was going to make me ill -or for example I won't eat raw fish, meat or eggs -I would politely decline and explain that I have a sensitive stomach etc.  This is different -this was a preference not a dietary restriction or fear of being ill.  I won't eat pie crust or doughnuts anymore -I used to be able to eat some pie and maybe a taste of a dougnut but no longer.  I won't eat deep fried food with the breading on.  I cannot eat very hot/spicy food - medium is ok.  So no I wouldn't even taste if that was the only choice.  

I'm totally fine telling someone who's invited me out for a meal if there's something I cannot eat.  And the person who invited me -- if offering only one choice that is unusual - should understand that.  So many people have restrictions these days and I am not gluten free/keto/vegetarian so in most places I can find something to eat.

Here's a contrasting example.  I took my son with me to his grandpa's funeral and after we gathered in their home to receive guests.  A woman brought homemade food in a casserole dish. My son is 7. He wanted to try it but not badly -there was plenty of food all around.

I did NOT want him to try it because I didn't know her and because I wasn't sure how long it had been out and we were flying home the next day -just the two of us so I didn't want him to get sick from bad food.  I told the woman no thank you- didn't  tell her why - simply "no thank you it looks delicious but we're not going to try it."  She kept needling me about her casserole - "is he allergic??" "what about just a taste?"  I simply had to keep saying no. -maybe I said something about sensitive stomach  It was very awkward and I know how people can be about their homemade food.  And I am the mama and he is 7.  In that sense she was the rude one.  

When I invite someone for a meal I check on dietary restrictions and preferences. I never pressure someone to try anything.  And oh yes I love pierogi and honey mustard which I add to salmon -delicious -and lots of other things.

[Batya33]

46 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

It's dressing. Come on people, it's dressing.

If she wants the dressing and it will make her happy, then I want her to have the dressing. I want her to be happy. I want her to have the best time possible on the date, and if this will add to her pleasure, then why wouldn't I be okay with?

If anything, I will tell her she should have told me what she wanted and I would have ran out to get it myself. I would have offered to pay for it.

Of course, I'll be the only one who thinks this. 

But then it wouldn't happen because very likely you would have included her in the decision making for the restaurant.  You are a thoughtful person who might LOVE a certain ethnic restaurant but I bet you'd check before hand  "hey there's a great new Indian place -do you like Indian?" Therefore if she'd had input then perhaps if they didn't have ranch she'd have sent back the undressed salad and ordered something else.  I actually think it's fine to say "I'm not a salad person --- unless it's ranch -- so I'll just order the kids meal with an extra meatball to make it into a smiley face with 3 eyes ;-)"

[ShySoul]

8 minutes ago, yogacat said:

That's why you're unique. 

Honestly, I don't think I'd care if my date went out to get his favorite condiment. As long as it wasn't more than five minutes, lol. 😉

You're pretty unique yourself. Great minds think alike, right? You're right though, if it was more then five minutes I'd either be worried I was being stood up (my conversation can't be that bad 🤪) or that she must be really ill.

I once took plastic utensils to use at Medieval Times because the idea of only using my hands made me feel dirty.

Autistic or OCD people can have particular rules about eating meals.

Who am I to judge a person for what they feel they need to get through a meal? If she needs the sauce, she needs the sauce. Why does that suddenly have to become a projection of other things placed upon her?

I'd rather focus on the rest of the date. Did we get along? Do we have things in common? Do we have similar values, beliefs, and interests? Did we make each other laugh and smile? If she is hitting all the right notes there, then that outweighs a little eccentricity.

And eccentricity can be fun and, dare I say, sexy. Might actually make me curious what other interesting things she might want or do.

[Batya33]

Just now, ShySoul said:

Autistic or OCD people can have particular rules about eating meals.

For sure.  We have a cousin who is so when we all met for a meal his mom chose a restaurant where they had a specific type of food he would eat and enjoy (I mean it was a pasta dish likely with butter maybe?? but not every restaurant will have that).  That's totally fine and if his date was on the spectrum or had OCD that's similar to "I am very sensitive to strawberries so I always ask the waiter if apple and cheese appetizer was prepared with the same knife slicing strawberries".  (I am somewhat sensitive to strawberries but do love them). Often the person planning the date would know of this sort of condition or situation so if it's like "I have to have ranch dressing on salad" then the date leaving to purchase it wouldn't be a big deal -it would be triggered by the person's mental health condition.

[Seraphim]

I don’t know , maybe I think differently because I was starved for 6 months in my life so not eat food or throwing food out that was ordered for me feels wrong . I know what it feels like to actually be hungry on a daily basis and be able to do ZERO about it because you are a child . 

[ShySoul]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

But then it wouldn't happen because very likely you would have included her in the decision making for the restaurant.  You are a thoughtful person who might LOVE a certain ethnic restaurant but I bet you'd check before hand  "hey there's a great new Indian place -do you like Indian?" Therefore if she'd had input then perhaps if they didn't have ranch she'd have sent back the undressed salad and ordered something else.  I actually think it's fine to say "I'm not a salad person --- unless it's ranch -- so I'll just order the kids meal with an extra meatball to make it into a smiley face with 3 eyes ;-)"

Not actually a fan of ranch. Or much on dressing period. I'll take 1000 Island on the side, please. 😉

Agreed, giving her some input could have probably avoided this in the first place. Also just polite. Can never tell if someone may have an allergy or specific food needs. Likewise, she could have spoken up more. Given the circumstances though, I actually think I'd find her amusing and charming.

And now I'm thinking of getting an extra meatball with the pasta I'll probably be ordering this weekend. I want to make a smiley face too. 😄

 

[Seraphim]

9 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Autistic or OCD people can have particular rules about eating meals.

 

Absolutely, my son has massive issues around food being Autistic. That I can make allowance for and I do every single day for the last 27 years. However , I am less likely to be forgiving of somebody who just wants to be a Diddams or high maintenance. 

[rainbowsandroses]

I'm pretty particular about food (being Lithuanian I love polish food though)...

but I don't think I'd ever actually leave a date with a man I really liked to go by salad dressing or anything else.  

I would be too afraid he'd misinterpret and think it's an excuse to ditch him and leave himself.

It's what I would think or at least wonder if roles were reversed.

I mean it IS quite odd. 

What would really impress me assuming I was that particular about salad dressing (which I'm not) is if he suggested we go somewhere else.  

Perhaps an American restaurant where they are sure to have assorted salads, ranch dressing, thousand island or whatever. 

I can be old fashioned like that and appreciate when a man can be a bit gallant and take the lead.

Versus me traipsing across the street, standing on line to purchase the dressing and walking back. 

I'm not entitled but it's kind of a buzz kill when on a date imo.

 

 

[yogacat]

3 hours ago, ShySoul said:

You're pretty unique yourself. Great minds think alike, right? You're right though, if it was more then five minutes I'd either be worried I was being stood up (my conversation can't be that bad 🤪) or that she must be really ill.

I think my first thought would be....is he sneaking out and texting another woman on OUR date? 😂 But, if he really wanted that ranch dressing, I might be inclined to let it slide. As long as I am not sitting there for like 20-30 minutes waiting for him to come back and he's just standing outside on the phone or something! 

It reminds me of a first date I had once. I was really ill and ended up in the bathroom for most of the night.

My date left me. ☹️

I learned my lesson though, never have a white russian on an empty stomach! But, to answer your question, I would probably have a similar reaction, and use it as an opportunity to see their character.

If they leave me behind for ranch dressing, it might be a red flag. If they come back quickly and apologize for the interruption, then it shows they care about my time and our date.