My gf(f24) told me(m22) that she must break up and have some time alone

[Jones777]

So a week ago she told me that for the first time in 7 years she felt something about another man (only by instagram photos and texts), and she felt terrible so she didnt want to hurt me or cheat on me so she is breaking up. 

We didnt hear from each other for about 3 days and had time to think about everything and when we met each other again, she said that that guy was only a trigger, that he has nothing to do about this and that she stopped talking to him and wants some time alone to see who she is when we are not together.

When she said that she is breaking up the first time I got a MASSIVE reality check, beacause we were planning future together like 4 months ago, trips toghether like a month ago and I was certain that we will be together for a long long time. I realised that I got too deep in a comfort zone and didnt focus on being romantic anymore. She started working 4 months ago, and I wanted to start SMM bussines and since she was a fitness trainer I started managing her account (and got rly good results), but the problem was I wasnt making money, I was just practicing SMM and the only time that we spent together was in my room in a flat with my parents. I was too blind to realise that it is not a realationship that anyone wants to be in. One more crucial information is that I live with a disabled mother and my gf could never tell me to move out because of that, even though my father told that he will manage to do everything. 

I told her all of this, I got a job and found a flat where I will be moving in 2 weeks, and we got to the agreement that we wont cut each other from our lives completely and we will let the time pass to choose what to do next. She told her friends that after that talk she is more insecure about her desicion and that she might make a big mistake, but she cant continue the realationship at the moment.

I know that she loves me, its just passion that lacks and I think its a normal and fixable thing in a long realationship. My only question is what to do now? Do I let her be completely alone (and risk that she will cling onto the last few months of our realationship) or ask her to go out from time to time without being forcefull and annoying?

[Batya33]

What is SMM? Is it possible that the strain of the financial situation is wearing on her and she chose to distance herself from you/felt disconnected? Reigniting a spark can be relatively easy -if both people want to - but she does not, it seems, I'm sorry.  

What kind of future were you planning? Maybe she felt safer before you got a job and a place to live because there was little risk of a long term commitment and now that there is she is getting cold feet.  

I'm sorry.

[TeeDee]

You two are young.  Alas the relationship may have run its course for her.  She just started working.  Whole new worlds are opening up for her & the childhood BF may have lost his luster.  It happens.  Most people do not end up with their childhood sweethearts.  

Give her a little bit of time & space.  In a month or so shoot her a hello thinking about you message.  See how she responds.  Maybe send her a Merry Christmas message but if you are not back together by New Years you have to assume it's fully over. 

[lostandhurt]

Here is what I think actually happened.

5 hours ago, Jones777 said:

she said that that guy was only a trigger, that he has nothing to do about this and that she stopped talking to him

She dumped you and tried getting with him but that didn't work out. 

5 hours ago, Jones777 said:

wants some time alone to see who she is when we are not together.

She probably has only dated you and wants to see if there are better options out there.

5 hours ago, Jones777 said:

She started working 4 months ago, and I wanted to start SMM bussines and since she was a fitness trainer

There are a bunch of guys chatting her up and she started entertaining the idea and liked the attention.

5 hours ago, Jones777 said:

My only question is what to do now?

You are on the right track but don't go out of your way to prove anything for her or do it for her, you should be doing it for yourself and if she notices and finds her way back to you it will be on her terms and genuine.  Get your new place fixed up nice, work hard, dress nice, workout and plan for your future without her in it. 

If she was only 15 when you started dating then you both need to see who you are and what you each want for your lives before you can come back together.

 Prepare yourself to hear that she is dating some guy soon.  It will hurt but stay on your course of building up your life because whether or not she is in it with you it is still something that you need to do for yourself.

Lost

[smackie9]

You started dating when you were teenagers...none of you had any life experiences dating others as adults. She's got that 7 year itch. She wants to see what else is out there. This insta-g thing was a real reality check. Your relationship is not what she wants anymore....this is so normal. Change is difficult, so this soft breakup is pretty much letting her ease out of those feelings of attachment. 

[ShySoul]

So, how old are you? I see nothing in the post right now indicating age or when you started dating. Unless this was edited, there is no basis for using age to determine anything.

17 hours ago, Jones777 said:

and we got to the agreement that we wont cut each other from our lives completely and we will let the time pass to choose what to do next. She told her friends that after that talk she is more insecure about her desicion and that she might make a big mistake, but she cant continue the realationship at the moment.

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with her, as I am sure she is being with you. You have both handled this maturely. She doesn't want to cut you off. You don't want to cut her off. You agreed to be friends and stay in each other's life, which is exactly what you should do. Whatever is happening in her life, she isn't ready for a relationship. Respect that. But she does want you there. Your friendship matters to her. So give that to her.

This isn't about anyone else. Another guy is irrelevant. She isn't playing games or wanting anything else. This is about her. She needs to focus on her and be happy with herself. You admit that you weren't keeping the romance going. So she begin to question things. And she still needs time to be okay with herself and figure out what is right for her.

She is already questioning herself. Part of her doesn't want to do this. Be her friend and show her in your actions that you care about her and are there for her, that you want what is best for her and respect her enough to give her what she needs. Showing that you are that gentleman can help calm her fears. And it just may lead her back.

17 hours ago, Jones777 said:

I know that she loves me, its just passion that lacks and I think its a normal and fixable thing in a long realationship. My only question is what to do now? Do I let her be completely alone (and risk that she will cling onto the last few months of our realationship) or ask her to go out from time to time without being forcefull and annoying?

Be a friend. Letting her be completely alone isn't going to make her cling to the relationship. It's going to show that you don't want to be with her. Out of sight, out of mind. It will push her away. It will show that you aren't interested in friendship as you said you were. 

Spend time together when you can. Talk when you can. Carry on as friends do, as you were before without the extra pressures and expectations of a relationship. Go out, but as friends. Don't push or make her feel like you are pressuring on wanting more. Just be there for her. 

Don't stress or worry about it. Just go with how you feel and take it day by day. Things will sort themselves out for the best.