How I can divert myself?

[Sutopa]

Yesterday, I and my bf mutually broke up due to familical and financial issues. We talked a lot to solve or to find a way to tackle, but ultimately nothing was left to try. The relation was almost 3.5 years. How I should move on? How I can now divert myself? His memories are everywhere around me.

[yogacat]

When my ex that I was engaged to be married to kissed another woman I made myself feel better by collecting all my belongings and moving out ASAP.

Oh, and I also returned his engagement ring.

Thinking about it, I should have kept it! I chose to focus on myself --> went out with friends and believe me, I had a blast.

After the split-up I focused on what made me happy and what I wanted to do with my life. I got into dance classes and new hobbies that I never had time for before.

Loved ones are key during this period!

I made a conscious effort to surround myself with friends, family, people and activities.

Now let me tell you, it's been over a decade and he still tries to communicate with me...but, I want no part of that! I thought we could talk as friends but he kept bringing up things for me in the past, so, best to shut that door 100%.

I think I slept with his t-shirt for a few weeks at first while weeping but it eventually subsided. It takes time, so be easy on yourself!

[Andrina]

Priceless info from yogacat. I will also add: Do not attempt to date until you are no longer thinking daily of your ex. Be realistic and know that that will likely take 3 to 6 months, on average.

Pamper yourself. Do not spy on his social media. Delete old texts, etc. Delete his contact info and block him so that out of the blue, he doesn't contact you and set you back to square one in closure.

Good luck on the next chapter of your life.

[Batya33]

In the old days meaning pre-internet and social media and online journals there was a great tip of making a stack of index cards - so it's tactile -on each write a reason that it's good you two are no longer together -whatever it is -whether about him/you/the two of you together or how now you can eat Single Girl Dinners (meaning like bowl of cold cereal -sweetened of course and some type of ice cream for dessert lol) - whatever it is -then flip through each card when you're feeling weak/your resolve weakening.  I never did do that but always thought it was a great way of moving on -yes you are thinking of your ex but as an ex.

I am sorry you're hurting.  I've been through breakups -it's hard and for me it was pre-social media so it was less in my face I guess to see the person online? Although if we'd met through a dating site..

I hope you feel much better each day and I hope you are finding this forum helpful to you.

[AV0]

2 hours ago, Sutopa said:

Yesterday, I and my bf mutually broke up due to familical and financial issues. We talked a lot to solve or to find a way to tackle, but ultimately nothing was left to try. The relation was almost 3.5 years. How I should move on? How I can now divert myself? His memories are everywhere around me.

Ask him if he wants any of that stuff back. If he dances around the topic or turns it into him saying he will eventually get them don't allow it if you need to move on and heal. That's just like keeping a door open to come back in and that won't be good for either of you. If he doesn't want the items back  and you can stand to get rid of some things,  get rid of it or donate it. You will be doing something good for others while freeing yourself up to move forward 

[Cherylyn]

Take baby steps.  Concentrate on your mental and physical health.  Surround yourself with very moral people while savoring solitude.  Do something meaningful.  Work hard,  have other interests such as hobbies,  intellectual pursuits,  outings or whatnot.  Visit your local library and borrow books.  Have quiet time and read.  Avoid excessive screen time.  Be industrious in any way,  keep an organized and decluttered home life which helps psychologically and take good care of yourself overall.   Create healthy distractions while maintaining safety.  

Before you know it,  certain people become a mere distant memory and blur.  Days,  weeks,  months and years will whiz by with nary a thought about them. 

Get busy enjoying life.  🙂

[TeeDee]

17 hours ago, Sutopa said:

 How I should move on? How I can now divert myself? His memories are everywhere around me.

Healing takes time.  You are not going to get over a 3.5 year relationship in a day. 

Step 1:  give yourself some time to grieve.  You had a loss.  Even if logically breaking up was for the best that doesn't make it hurt less or erase his absence

Step 2:  redecorate  Move some things around in your place.  Get new curtains or some throw pillows or art work.  Do something inexpensive to make it look different.  

Step 3:  stay busy.   Work overtime.  Take on a new side hustle.  Dive back into an old hobby or take up a new one.  

Step 4:  self soothe.  If you are hurting acknowledge your feelings.  Surround yourself with supportive friends & family 

Step 5:  reinvent yourself.  Take a new route to work.  Avoid places you always went with him.  Get your hair cut.  Buy a new outfit.