Do men exist who genuinely DON'T desire other women when in a relationship?

[blue_night08]

Ok everyone, first of all I want to apologize because english is not my first language and I will probably make a lot of mistakes, so sorry for that.

Where do I begin?

I'm a 22 yo woman and I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I've never had anyone else before him so he is my first everything. 

We've had a good relationship so far, we take care of each other, have fun together, have good communication, and I believe he is a nice guy who treats me well.

But I want to go straight to the point of this post. 

About a year into the relationship I saw something that made me rethink everything I thought I knew. I accidentally caught a glimpse of his explore page, and as you may have guessed, it was full of women in skimpy clothes, provocative videos etc., and he liked most of that content.

Of course my first thought was "why am I not enough? Is it my boobs, my ass, or maybe face, or hair? Or maybe he just got tired of everything about my body"  I told him how hurt I was by that, that I did not understand why he even felt the need to look up these women if he truly was satisfied with me. His answer was that he likes everything he sees on instagram and it means nothing. Of course I know he just told that to made me feel better, but I'm not that stupid. 

He apologized and stopped doing that, which I was very grateful for, but something inside me changed, because now I couldn't stop comparing myself to what I had seen. Never in my life I have felt so insecure and undesirable. I started thinking of all the other times he talked about other women..that day he told me his type was still blonde women (which I am not), that day he told me he would like to have sex with two gorgeous pornstars.. when he first told me those things I thought nothing of it, I brushed it off very fast, but now all of it started making sense.

And because he is my first boyfriend and I am very inexperienced with men, I had no idea if all of this was normal or not. So I went on the internet and looked up multiple articles about this exact topic. And apparently yes, men do not stop desiring other women just because they have one already.

I had no idea about this. It was a sudden and horrible realization. It's not even about noticing that this or that woman is attractive, because that's nothing, I can also acknowledge if one man is attractive or not, but that doesn't mean I desire them sexually. I truly only want and fantasize about my boyfriend. 

I don't care that everyone says "this is how men are, get over it", how can I accept that the man that I love is always lusting for others? Are they really all like that? If yes then what's the point of loving a man if he's always thinking about "newer" "fresher" women. It drives me nuts. 

I can understand that in a long term relationship it can happen to have little crushes and attractions to others, I'm okay with this fact, but always being distracted by others even in the honeymoon stage of the relationship? I feel like if you are constantly attracted to others you aren't truly 100% satisfied with what you have..

I don't want a man to sit beside me like a good boy and then mentally undress every woman that walks by. If that's the reality of how men are then I'm OK by myself, or dating asexuals and giving up sex forever (tbh I don't even care about sex)

I feel like life's too short to compromise on things that give me this level of hurt

[MissCanuck]

21 minutes ago, blue_night08 said:

I'm okay with this fact, but always being distracted by others even in the honeymoon stage of the relationship?

Always? No, I would not say that is normal. Who told you that? 

Look, humans will find others attractive - men and women alike. And yes, we will sometimes fantasize about those people in a sexual way too. Not everyone does this, of course, but it's common (and not just for men) Lusting after others all the time, well, that is not my experience. 

It sounds like your boyfriend is still quite immature and needs a filter. Telling you his type is something you are not and also that he wanted to have sex with two porn stars? What a clown. He will learn (hopefully) that there are certain thoughts that should not be spoken aloud, especially to one's partner. 

21 minutes ago, blue_night08 said:

what's the point of loving a man if he's always thinking about "newer" "fresher" women. It drives me nuts. 

Because this is simply not true. I suggest you step back from whatever internet sources are telling you this. Understand that men (and women) are individuals. Not everyone always does the same things or thinks the same way. There are plenty out there who do not fit your description above.