Slow/dry reply = uninterested or just busy?

[Lostsheep123]

Hello, just wanted to get some views to know whether the guy is interested or not. Matched on dating app and moved to tele to chat. It’s been 1+ mth and our convos are generally exchange of greetings on daily basis. He doesnt really ask qns about me, it’s usually me asking bout him. He’s a night owl and i’m an early bird, so i’m good with our late responses or the large time gap between our replies. Just wondering though, if someone is really keen, wouldnt they take the initiative to msg despite their busy schedule? I’ve been patient coz we’re working adults and we both can be busy with things, but does it mean i should be ok with this for however long? There was once he didnt message at all, and messaged a greeting the next day as though nothing happened. Is this normal? I don’t wanna seem desperate, but am i being too patient here if i continue talking to him?

[Coily]

Over a month and there have been no plans to meet in person? That's far more telling than the response time to texts.

Unless he works on the road a lot, he should have broached the idea of a meet up. IF he did work on the road, an interested man would have still suggested a meet up.  I have a busy schedule, manic at time; however when I was in this stage of getting to know someone I usually put forward a few dates when we could meet within 1-2 weeks.

If that hasn't happened.... he just wants a chat buddy,

[yogacat]

34 minutes ago, Lostsheep123 said:

Hello, just wanted to get some views to know whether the guy is interested or not. Matched on dating app and moved to tele to chat. It’s been 1+ mth and our convos are generally exchange of greetings on daily basis. He doesnt really ask qns about me, it’s usually me asking bout him. He’s a night owl and i’m an early bird, so i’m good with our late responses or the large time gap between our replies. Just wondering though, if someone is really keen, wouldnt they take the initiative to msg despite their busy schedule? I’ve been patient coz we’re working adults and we both can be busy with things, but does it mean i should be ok with this for however long? There was once he didnt message at all, and messaged a greeting the next day as though nothing happened. Is this normal? I don’t wanna seem desperate, but am i being too patient here if i continue talking to him?

It depends. I talked to someone for a month before suggesting we meet because my schedule was pretty busy. He didn't ask me out during that month and said he was waiting for me given my busy schedule.

I also know someone that messaged with his now wife for months before meeting. So, sometimes things aren't always so black and white. People also text at different frequencies. Has he hinted at anything? Have you suggested meeting up? If he's not trying to meet up, maybe he just needs a pen pal.

That said, if you feel like you're not getting enough attention, move on. Let him reach out and pick up the pace if he's really interested; in the meantime, don't put your eggs in one basket. Sounds like that may take time or it may never develop for multiple reasons, so pursue other options that interest you. At least you won't be in a emotionally and mental stalemate by waiting.

[Lostsheep123]

@Coily @yogacat thanks for your views guys! Really helpful. 
 

just to share a bit more, i’m good not to meet up so soon coz even though we’ve been texting over a mth, there’s not much “meat” in it. This is what makes me second guess i suppose. And he did say he’s busy for some event thats happening end of the mth, so i thought i should give it more time, until that is over and see how he’s like. He did share that he “wanted to fall in love”… it’s uncommon for ppl to reject love, but do you think that’s a signal that he’s not interested? And like what @Coily said, i’m just a chat buddy?  
 

i’m trying to be less involvled emotionally, not ready to risk too much yet but im also pondering when is the right time to cut off (if i should be doing that) coz i keep giving him more time/chance for the benefit of the doubt

[lostandhurt]

I think you know the  answer to your own question.  If he was super excited to date you he would put in more of an effort to get to know you by asking questions but he isn't.

 I tried to look at it this way.  When I started to get to know someone either through text, on the app or even a phone call if they didn't show interest in who I was somehow then they weren't interested in anything more. 

I suggest a bold move for you to make to either get this thing going or put a pin in it and move on.  Call him on the phone.  You know when he is usually available so hit that green button and call him and see what happens.  You have zero risk because after all it is just a phone call with  no chance of harm to you.  I know it really isn't done but that is why you should do it.

Be brave and call him.  Maybe he is a terrible at texting or super shy or something but once you hear his voice and have a conversation with him you will know right away if you should give up or hang around a bit longer.

Lost

[SophiaG]

My rule of thumb is that if a guy doesn't suggest or at least mention meeting up in a few days he's either not that interested or not available (e.g., have other relationships going on). Worst case he might be a catfish or scammer who'd never want to meet up. I'd stop talking to him by then.

It doesn't matter that you were ok with not meeting for a month. Most guys who want to actually date you, if not long distance, will want to meet soon. If they are busy or want to respect that you might not be comfortable to meet immediately they'd at least bring it up and try to make future plans. No plans = no interest IMO. Next!

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, Lostsheep123 said:

just to share a bit more, i’m good not to meet up so soon coz even though we’ve been texting over a mth, there’s not much “meat” in it.

If you're not wanting to meet up then he could see it as being just a chat buddy. Not wanting to meet up can send that message or, to put it another way, shows him it's not exactly a priority either.

Sure, we can say that when a man is interested he would put effort in, but when you don't show up (i.e. he can see you are not interested by not wanting to meet) you will give off that vibe that perhaps he does not need to either. So perhaps that time is coming as you are not yet interested, you are happy just for the chats for now.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, SophiaG said:

My rule of thumb is that if a guy doesn't suggest or at least mention meeting up in a few days he's either not that interested or not available (e.g., have other relationships going on). Worst case he might be a catfish or scammer who'd never want to meet up. I'd stop talking to him by then.

It doesn't matter that you were ok with not meeting for a month. Most guys who want to actually date you, if not long distance, will want to meet soon. If they are busy or want to respect that you might not be comfortable to meet immediately they'd at least bring it up and try to make future plans. No plans = no interest IMO. Next!

Agreed and he's also comfortable taking the risk that you are meeting many other men in person so he may be off your radar completely if he doesn't act to try to meet.

I didn't ask men out on dates with rare exception -not first dates or early on dates. I regularly suggestedf first meets because my only purpose in communicating on a dating site was to meet in person ASAP after one or two messages and a safety screening phone call and to see if we could have a pleasant conversation in person.  Most of the time the man suggested meeting after the phone call which happened after exchanging a few messages online.

If he's too busy to meet for over a month why does he have a dating profile which means he wants to date -right - dating is an in person interaction.  Or why didn't he tell you off the bat he's happy to chat but can't meet until _____ because of _____.  

I think he's interested in chatting online and flirting and likes the ego boost of knowing you are interested at least virtually.  If you want a chat buddy to flirt with he's your man.

[SophiaG]

2 hours ago, yogacat said:

Sure, we can say that when a man is interested he would put effort in, but when you don't show up (i.e. he can see you are not interested by not wanting to meet) you will give off that vibe that perhaps he does not need to either.

My impression is that OP is okay with not meeting especially since there hasn't been much substance in their online chat, not that she didn't want to meet.

OP if you can't even have a proper conversation with him online and he doesn't talk about meeting in person why do you continue with this dry/boring daily greeting routine with him? Time to go chat with someone who's actually excited about matching with you and meeting you.

[yogacat]

3 hours ago, SophiaG said:

My impression is that OP is okay with not meeting especially since there hasn't been much substance in their online chat, not that she didn't want to meet.

Of course.

She didn't initially mention in her opening post about wanting to meet him, just that his texts have become parse.

Overall, there's not much interest on either side atm.

So like @lostandhurtsuggested, either get this thing going or put a pin in it and move on.