Is my co worker still hoping for more after rejection?

[MrsWise]

He confessed 5 months ago that he likes me and wanted to date me but I turned him since I'm not interested. There was tension between us for few months and we only communicated for work. But we recently started talking more and I felt more relaxed thinking he won't expect anything anymore it won't be an issue. Things were okay between us  but lately we seem keep bumping heads

Last time when I was sitting in the staff break room, he came and playfully move my bag twice every time he walked by on his way to his smoke break. He was just playing around but I was bit annoyed..but just let it slide However, next time when I was on my break again he came to my table again on his way outside, so I told him not to bother me while I'm on my break because it's my alone time and I want to listen to my music. Break for me means, break from work and everyone.

He walked away then went to another co worker who was sitting on the next table and playfully said, she ran me off, I'm gonna go and cry.. When he came back, he passed by with smirk on his face. Then he was passive aggressive the rest of the day shift and trying to get my attention which annoyed me further. The next day when I came in, I said good morning then he said it back then called me ugly. I just brushed it off as I know he was just pissy about the day before Then the next day, on my break he came over to my table again, but didn't say anything directly and pretended like he was looking at the scratch on the table. I completely ignored him and kept looking on the screen my phone..Then he said something but I had my headphones. I didn't even look at him He didn't say anything but looked pissy then later on he will start doing things to get my attention Similarly, one time he just came near me and stood and stare at me.

I asked if he had anything to say, he said no then I said good bye..he got offended and reacted the same way. So I want to tell him that we just communicate for work only going forward..If he doesn't stop trying to talk to me would it petty to report him?

[shouldhavelearned]

Stay away and report him 

[ShySoul]

Sigh. You would think grown adults would be better then to play silly games like this.

I would check with your companies HR rules and department, but if he is constantly interfering with your ability to work and is becoming an annoyance, then it isn't petty to report him. There is a point where it become harrassment and that shouldn't be tolerated. If you feel it gets to that point, then you should say something.

First I would try just ignoring it. Don't react, don't give him anything. Someone who acts this way wants attention and the more you give it, the more they will continue to seek it because they know they can get under your skin. If you give them nothing, they will usually back away because there is no thrill in it for them. 

Sorry you've had to endure this.

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, MrsWise said:

There was tension between us for few months and we only communicated for work. But we recently started talking more and I felt more relaxed thinking he won't expect anything anymore it won't be an issue

What does this mean? Have you two been communicating outside work? 

[Jaunty]

Why did you decide to "start talking more" with a guy who wanted to date you and who you rejected?  That was an odd move on your part.

[Batya33]

This is good advice and I too would be interested in what was this talking about and whether it was at work or otherwise.  I hate to suggest this as you should not have to be inconvenienced but for now can you go elsewhere at break time? Maybe he'll move on to someone else to annoy -and yes I'd suggest documenting and potentially reporting.

[MrsWise]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What does this mean? Have you two been communicating outside work? 

We don't talk outside work at all since the rejection. We were friendly again at work but he never attempted to contact me outside work so I thought he finally understood and was not hoping for more anymore. But now I see that he is starting to have some type of expectations and gets hurt when I don't meet them. Like when he comes to my table on my break he wants me to be receptive and talk to him but when I rebuffed him he gets offended. I just wanted us to be on good terms and only talk during working hours only

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, MrsWise said:

We don't talk outside work at all since the rejection. We were friendly again at work but he never attempted to contact me outside work so I thought he finally understood and was not hoping for more anymore. But now I see that he is starting to have some type of expectations and gets hurt when I don't meet them. Like when he comes to my table on my break he wants me to be receptive and talk to him but when I rebuffed him he gets offended. I just wanted us to be on good terms and only talk during working hours only

How often do you need to talk during working hours -can any of that be decreased or mostly in writing like email or zoom/teams/virtual?

[yogacat]

10 hours ago, MrsWise said:

The next day when I came in, I said good morning then he said it back then called me ugly.

Bruised ego on his part, doesn't justify his behavior. Sounds like you're trying to remain pleasant but to avoid inappropriate behavior, you need to be direct and tell him that his behavior is making you feel uncomfortable and it needs to stop. If he continues, then it would be appropriate to report him. Just be sure to document all interactions if it reaches that point. Good luck.

[MrsWise]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

This is good advice and I too would be interested in what was this talking about and whether it was at work or otherwise.  I hate to suggest this as you should not have to be inconvenienced but for now can you go elsewhere at break time? Maybe he'll move on to someone else to annoy -and yes I'd suggest documenting and potentially reporting.

We only have one staff room unfortunately. Last time he went to another co worker's table she told him to go away but it didn't really faze him but seems offended with me and bothered me the whole shift. At some point he said he is not talking to me anymore then he would do things to  try get my attention. Like when I walked by he will clear his throat or make some type of noise or stare at me so I look his direction. I ignored it then he was like " hey" with a loud voice. Other co workers turned and he would be like not you, if I make eye contact he will also say " not you" that kind of thing 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, MrsWise said:

We only have one staff room unfortunately. Last time he went to another co worker's table she told him to go away but it didn't really faze him but seems offended with me and bothered me the whole shift. At some point he said he is not talking to me anymore then he would do things to  try get my attention. Like when I walked by he will clear his throat or make some type of noise or stare at me so I look his direction. I ignored it then he was like " hey" with a loud voice. Other co workers turned and he would be like not you, if I make eye contact he will also say " not you" that kind of thing 

Yes I understand about one staff room -i would find an empty office or space to take your break or leave the building and go for a walk. For now.  I'd ignore all silly throat clearing/noises.  When he doesn't get a reaction he'll stop at some point.  And meanwhile document and report.

[MrsWise]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

How often do you need to talk during working hours -can any of that be decreased or mostly in writing like email or zoom/teams/virtual?

Not often, sometimes I might need to ask questions about work but I will try to minimize it by asking another co worker instead. Our positions doesn't need too much  direct interactions at all

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, MrsWise said:

Not often, sometimes I might need to ask questions about work but I will try to minimize it by asking another co worker instead. Our positions doesn't need too much  direct interactions at all

Good then ask yourself why you continued to seek him out after you declined to date him? Maybe not such a great idea -something to consider for the future.

Keep your distance. I've had to do that not because of dating because in a past job I was very uncomfortable with the way the coworker was treating me and it seemed like some sort of agenda not just having to do with me.  I wanted no part of it so I found work arounds to work with other people.  Now - often it is not a solution to 'just do it yourself" because very often employers don't want you doing extra work or being less productive because you did not delegate or work with the team - but if there is a work around do it.  Every. Single. Time.  This colleague is bad news IMO and don't fuel the fire by interacting more than absolutely necessary.  

[ShySoul]

You've handled everything well and maturely. He's the one who is not getting the message.

1. Make clear to him this is not okay with you and politely indicate he needs to stop. 2. Ignore it until he loses interest. 3. Report if it becomes a larger issue.

Any chance you could skip the break room and go somewhere else? My breaks I talk a walk outside or get away from the office entirely. I know plenty of co-workers who do the same and have seen lots of people walking during lunch time. If you really do need that break from everything and everyone, it might be something to consider. Plus it's just good to get a little exercise during the day.