Married Autistic & Confused

[Adrian11]

45M 40F 

Married for 15 years 

My wife just told me after 15 years of marriage that she has had multiple opportunities to have sex with other men but she chose not to. She also told me that she flirts with othe men and that everyone flirts.

My problem is that for our whole marriage she told me that this never happens and I have nothing to worry about and that she doesnt flirt with people.

Now after 15 years of saying this to me she is now telling me the complete opposite which means she has been lying to me the whole time.

I over think and am very insecure and scared as I work away from home and I don't drink alcohol or go out to her friends parties with her as I don't drink and I feel uncomfortable around drunk people now I feel like an idiot and I could have caused this behaviour to occur.

I don't flirt with other women as I don't see the point as I know I'm not going to do anything with them so what's the point of letting other people know I'm sexually attracted to then if I have no desire to actually do anything about it as I'm happily married. 2 years back she was encouraging me to flirt with strangers and when I told her I don't want to as I don't see the point I asked her, do want me to do it coz you do it or you want yo do it and she said no no no not at all but now she is saying the opposite maybe forgetting this past conversation.

My biggest problem is being lied to this whole time about things that have to do with our marriage and other people and now I feel like I don't know what reality is and I don't know what's true and what's a lie.

I know I overthink things and always go to worse case scenario. I think I do this as I was cheated on in my last relationship and also as I am away from home for 6 months of the year.

Please. Anyone. I have no one to talk to and need help. Thank you. 

I should also add that I'm Autistic and find normal relationship things hard and confusing.

[Seraphim]

I am sorry. It seems your wife is lying to you. A good and faithful wife does not flirt with others nor talk about sex with others. 
 

I would rethink this marriage . 

[Adrian11]

Yeah this is what I think also. Thanks for your comment.

 

[Adrian11]

Is there anybody else out there? This is my first time on here so I'm not sure how much interaction happens on here. I really need to hear some different perspectives on this even if you think I sound crazy I don't care. I need help. 

[Batya33]

It sounds like she wants an arrangement where she can flirt with other men and will feel less guilty if you flirt with other women.  Do you get services for your autism diagnosis? Are you in therapy? Does she have a problem with alcohol?

[Adrian11]

Yeah that sounds like it may have been the case but she didn't know what to say when I said I didn't want to do it 😞

I don't get any services. I'm not in therapy. My wife is as she has adhd, autism and other problems.

[smackie9]

What changed in your relationship in order for her to bring this all out? Have you ever thought that she just might be lying to you now to get back at you, or she's looking for attention or is jealous about something like you getting too close to a female coworker? What changed? 

[Adrian11]

One fo her friends just cheated on her husband and left him for someone else and he knows nothing about it. 

Nah nothing like that at all. She's not angry at me about anything that's what makes this confusing as well. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Without honesty, there is no relationship 

[Adrian11]

Yeah I know this 😞 she says these lies were just to protect my feelings as I'm highly emotional. In her mind this makes the lies justifiable.