Was I too hard on her?

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

He didn't say he thinks she is trash. The comment she made was "trashy" --  to him.  There's a difference.

Yes you are  correct.  And my comment is the same -he continued to enjoy having sex with someone he thinks made a trashy, rude, and disrespectful comment to him that continued to bother him to the extent he kept rehashing and discussing. In my opinion his opinion of her deteriorated greatly, and early on in a relationship and yet he was happy to have her stay over and have sex with her. 

[rainbowsandroses]

56 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Also on top of making the comment he knows that she's done this before -even though the other sex partners didn't like it either and she was fine telling him she'd discussed with her friends what his semen tastes like and what she said about it -maybe that was ok with him but sounds like a lot of the same - lacking sort of basic common sense in continuing to discuss very personal information

Bat, I don't mean to come off adversarial but from my read he was not okay with this^ (bolded).  

At first she lied and told him her comment bothered all the other guys but something sounded off so he brought it up again. 

It was then she admitted to the lie and told him it was only one guy and HE took it as a compliment!

Anyway I agree he should have probably ended it sooner based on his instincts that something sounded off but for many people, more clarity is needed so they bring it up again in order get that clarity. 

Versus a straight dump without having that clarity. 

Again, just my read on it, I know it differs from yours and most posters here which it okay.

We can agree to disagree. 

OP, if you're still reading I hope you have found peace with your decision.  Fwiw you did the right thing imo, what was best for YOU.

All the best. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

Adult relationships are about communicating. And to continue to grill that person when you should just move on if it's resolved is very poor communication.

I agree with you about the OP's attitude after he posted and receiving a few comments however...

I didn't view it as him "grilling" her per se but rather something still sounded off (which it was) so he brought it up again to seek clarity. 

It was not resolved, not for him. 

And if he hadn't, he would never have discovered she LIED so imo it was a good thing he followed his instincts and brought it up again. 

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

Adult relationships are about communicating. 

^^Precisely! 

Which is what he did.  And in doing so, he gained the clarity he needed, discovered she lied, and combined with still feeling uncomfortable about the bone-headed comment (imo), which given she made the same comment to other men she's had sex with, was most likely complete BS and said simply to flatter him, he made a decision to end it.

But yeah agree his attitude here definitely needs improvement but that's a separate issue imo. 

 

[Tinydance]

16 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I agree with you about the OP's attitude after he posted and receiving a few comments however...

I didn't view it as him "grilling" her per se but rather something still sounded off (which it was) so he brought it up again to seek clarity. 

It was not resolved, not for him. 

And if he hadn't, he would never have discovered she LIED so imo it was a good thing he followed his instincts and brought it up again. 

^^Precisely! 

Which is what he did.  And in doing so, he gained the clarity he needed, discovered she lied, and combined with still feeling uncomfortable about the bone-headed comment (imo), which given she made the same comment to other men she's had sex with, was most likely complete BS and said simply to flatter him, he made a decision to end it.

But yeah agree his attitude here definitely needs improvement but that's a separate issue imo. 

 

In my personal opinion the comment was simply tactless and maybe crude. I wouldn't personally find it that offensive myself. I have actually been told the same thing by a couple of guys that my vagina tasted better than other women lol I actually felt flattered.

If I didn't like a particular comment then sure I would mention that I don't really like it. I don't see the need to continue bringing it up if the person never made that comment again.

I mean the nature of this comment is actually complimentary except that she mentioned other guys. It wasn't like: "Other guys I've been with had bigger penises but yours is still nice". That's a bit of a backhanded compliment. But saying his cum tastes better than all other guys she'd been with is just a straight up compliment. I agree most people don't want to hear about other guys or other women. So from that perspective it's just unnecessary and doesn't need to be said. I mean if he didn't like this comment then why did he keep bringing it up? And if he actually really liked her and she's "pretty and sweet", now he's lost this girl because of one dumb comment she made? Which she apologised for and didn't make again.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

now he's lost this girl because of one dumb comment she made? Which she apologised for and didn't make again.

Agree the comment was a factor but HE ended it not her.  So he didn't "lose" her.  

He broke up with her because she lied.

From his original post. 

On 10/9/2024 at 7:54 AM, Sil3nt J said:

She said something un-expected and said, "I only told that to one other guy, and he took it as a compliment." I told her that I didn't appreciate being lied to (about guys being mad at her for saying that) and then just said I didn't want to see her any more. I also told her that I just think we aren't compatible

Anyway nuff said from me.  No point in debating it.  We all have our own opinions and it's clear that isn't going to change which is OK.

Peace. 

[Tinydance]

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Agree the comment was a factor but HE ended it not her.  So he didn't "lose" her.  

He broke up with her because she lied.

From his original post. 

Anyway nuff said from me.  No point in debating it.  We all have our own opinions and it's clear that isn't going to change which is OK.

Peace. 

My last comment is I think the situation overall was just immature. Maybe from her as well. I mean who actually cares what some other random guys she slept with said or thought? It was all in the past. Anyway yeah I don't think OP is coming back. He actually said he won't lol

[Batya33]

Just now, Tinydance said:

My last comment is I think the situation overall was just immature. Maybe from her as well. I mean who actually cares what some other random guys she slept with said or thought? It was all in the past. Anyway yeah I don't think OP is coming back. He actually said he won't lol

Hopefully he's at the mall trying to meet girls by participating in some taste test for sweet and savory pumpkin treats..... 

[Tinydance]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Hopefully he's at the mall trying to meet girls by participating in some taste test for sweet and savory pumpkin treats..... 

🤣😂😅😆😁

[rainbowsandroses]

26 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I mean who actually cares what some other random guys she slept with said or thought? 

I think the point was she LIED Tiny.

As a comparison, there are posters here who have dumped a guy for initially lying about their age on a dating app, even if only by a couple of years.  There are many posts about this!

But they came clean when they met or during early dates. 

But nope, he lied, dealbreaker, the end. 

Now for me personally this would not bother me.  He came clean when we met or during early dates; like you said who cares?    It's just a couple of years and he came clean.

Well to some people, any lie is a big deal and they DO care. 

I don't negatively judge them for it, why should I?

It's how they feel, their feelings. To which they are entitled, without being negatively judged and/or told they shouldn't care. 

Why should they be?  Because the person judging wouldn't care?  

I don't agree with that.

[Batya33]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

I think the point was she LIED.  

As a comparison, there are posters here who have dumped a guy for initially lying about his age, even if only by a couple of years.  There are many posts about this!

And he came clean when they met or during early dates. 

But nope, he lied, dealbreaker, the end. 

Now for me personally this would not bother me.  He came clean when we met or during early dates; like you said who cares?    It's just a couple of years and he came clean.

Well to some people, any lie is a big deal and they DO care. 

I don't negatively judge them for it, why should I?

It's how they feel, their feelings. To which they are entitled, without being negatively judged and/or told they shouldn't care.  Because the person judging wouldn't care. 

We are all entitled to that imo.

My personal sense is that it was the lie plus what came before.  Cumulative.  I also -as an aside -find her lie -really odd.  Just how it came up, etc.

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

My personal sense is that it was the lie plus what came before.  Cumulative.  I also -as an aside -find her lie -really odd.  Just how it came up, etc.

Agree!!  It was everything combined. 

And at the end of the day, he did what was best for him.