Are some people just meant to be single?

[CartoonPenguin]

I'm a 28 year old, turning 29 in November. I've had a couple of girlfriends in the past, but I haven't had much luck in recent memory, specifically the past couple of months. I apologize if this post comes off as long, but I feel the need to go into details about certain events that have happened in order to paint a picture of where I'm coming from and why I'm feeling the way that I feel right now.

Event 1: I had a crush on a coworker, but never made a move because I didn't want to date in the work place. She ends up putting in her notice and I was planning on asking her out on her last day, but there was a very last second schedule change and I ended up having the day off on my crush's last day. I practically begged my boss to let me come in to work that day, but he couldn't be moved and not only did I end up missing her last day, but another guy asked her out and now they're a couple.

Event 2: Another coworker after the girl from event 1. Again, she put in her notice and I planned on asking her out on her last day. I thankfully got scheduled to work on her last day, but I woke up that morning sick as a dog. I really tried to convince myself to just suck it up and work, but I was too ill and I had to call out. And of course, not only did I miss her last day, but another coworker beat me to it and he ended up asking her out. Basically the same as event 1.

Event 3: I start to get a little flirty with a barista at a nearby Starbucks. She flirted back and I felt good about asking her out. But on the day that I went in to ask her out, I found out from another barista that she had called out sick that day and it was apparently serious that she had to go to urgent care. I later find out that while she was in the waiting room at urgent care, another guy there had asked her out while they were waiting together and now they're a couple.

Event 4: I go to my ten year high school reunion last week and I was approached by one of the more popular girls who I never had the confidence to approach back in school. That was because I spent most of high school overweight, with a face full of hideous acne, and a terrible stutter. No girl on campus wanted anything to do with me. But I've since lost weight, got my acne cleared up, and have done away with my stutter with speech therapy. I was getting quite a few stares from a lot of girls at the reunion and a lot of comments about how much I've changed since school, but this one girl in particular was very eager to approach me, flirt, and ask to see me again for lunch some time later. I agreed to it, but then a couple days later, she calls me and explains to me that her ex-boyfriend from a recent break-up has come back into her life and she said that she still has feelings for him. She apologized and said that it wouldn't be fair to me to date me while she still had feelings for another guy and we ended up not dating because of that.

Those 4 events have happened all in the span of just a couple of months and you can probably see why I'm so frustrated right now. Four events in which I'm on the verge of asking someone out, only for some last minute obstacle to completely block my path and ruin things for me out of nowhere. I don't even believe in fate or karma or anything like that, but it really feels like there's something in the world that just doesn't want me to be in a relationship. I know it's probably just an unfortunate string of bad luck that, but it's still undeniably very disheartening for me. I've recently started to read about other people who have just settled on being single there whole lives and I'm wondering if I have to start thinking about that soon. I'm at the age where the dating pool is starting to shrink and I'm running out of time. What should I do?

[Batya33]

I mean sounds really typical to me.  Also it's less likely a starbucks barrista who flirts is interested in a date - often they figure they'll get better tips and/or it's fun -breaks up the monotony.  Part of dating is luck and timing.  And so the barrista was unlikely as a dating prospect and then the other woman said she was hung up on her ex.  That leaves two coworkers  - I originally met my husband at work and we dated while we were coworkers but we didn't work together. 

I do think some people who are single are single by choice -one of my best friends in her 60s stopped dating close to 10 years ago -she was married for 20 years or so then had a 7 year relationship with a man she met through a dating site and after that she dated a bit here and there but decided -nope -I'm happy with my life as it is - not interested in dating.  I know of a few people who are single because their lifestyle is not conducive to being married/committed/having a family.

I started dating my future husband when I was 39 and he was 38.   I think you are absolutely on the younger side, you've had relationships and you're going through a bit of a -very typical!! - dry spell.  

I wouldn't "settle" on being single that's sad! No the dating pool isn't shrinking as you say, no you are not running out of time -running out of time -for what? Certainly if you are positively fulfilled choosing not to be in or seek a long term romantic relationship that's totaly fine but from a place of "settling" - nope.  JMHO.

(I've been married for over 15 years by the way and we were in our early 40s when we got married and became parents).

I'd branch out more to meet people - it's good that you are willing to ask women out of course!

[shouldhavelearned]

Is there a reason you didn't have the numbers of the two coworkers ahead of time ? If you know they're moving on, no need to wait until the last day.

 

Starbucks, taking a chance. Like poster said, most of them flirt to get more tips. Never know.

Dodged a bullet on the last tho you should have hit up the others looking at you. You're single and available. Don't get pinned down. Be friends and socialize. Don't think of it as dating right away.

[Tinydance]

1 hour ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Is there a reason you didn't have the numbers of the two coworkers ahead of time ? If you know they're moving on, no need to wait until the last day.

 

Starbucks, taking a chance. Like poster said, most of them flirt to get more tips. Never know.

Dodged a bullet on the last tho you should have hit up the others looking at you. You're single and available. Don't get pinned down. Be friends and socialize. Don't think of it as dating right away.

To be honest, I don't necessarily think that it's some kind of bad karma or fate. And even if it was fate, that would tell you that you were not meant to be with those women. Hypothetically if you did believe in fate, the universe, God, etc. Then this would tell you that God/the universe/higher power had other plans for you.

To me it seems that you had interest in these women, but they didn't necessarily have much, or any interest in you. I agree that if the two female colleagues actually had interest in you, you would have at least been friends or acquaintances with them. It doesn't seem that you had literally any way to contact them outside of work. You didn't have their phone number or social media or anything like that. So doesn't seem to me like you were friends or talked to them that much. Nothing wrong with trying to ask them out but it sounds like you were going to just "cold approach" them. So basically go from not much interaction to just asking them out. Keeping that in mind, the chance of them saying yes was probably not that high. 

The barista, same thing. Yes the guy at the hospital asked her out but they weren't already a couple just instantly in the hospital waiting room. He probably got her contact details but she was still single at the time. If she liked you, then when she came back to work she would have thought about you again. But obviously she didn't think about you and she took a lot more interest in the other guy than in you.

Old classmate, also same thing. She sort of liked you but she liked her ex more than you. The ex was an ex - she didn't have to go back to him. But she chose to go back to him rather than try dating you because she "preferred" him to you.

I don't think that it's some kind of higher being controlling these women and your fate. This is these women making their own decisions and unfortunately their decision was not to date you. It's disappointing that it happened so close together but that may have just been a coincidence.

I really don't think that failed attempts to date mean you will always stay single. I mean, you said you look good now. You've lost weight and cleared up your acne. And the "popular" girl from school took interest in you. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you and you will find someone else. You just didn't have luck with these women, but there will be others.

[Cherylyn]

You're not running out of time.  You're still young.  If you don't want to be single,  you don't have to settle for being single. 

Broaden your horizons.  Where there is a will,  there is a way. 

[Kwothe28]

You are just having "average male dating experience". That means you are experiencing exactly what average male will experience in the dating world. That means women will probably not fight over you and that in many cases, you will be no2 option and not no1. Hence why the big number of your options, will simply go to somebody else. 

I am not saying this to discourage you. Just saying so you would know that is the reality of it. And those things rarely change. You would have to make big strides(like probably on top of losing weight maybe going to gym, maybe changing your looks with better clothes, or just simply changing your status to rich) so you would be top no1 option. Where you would just pull all those women and that stuff will never happen. But again, that is OK. Because most men, are average. How do they get women then, you ask? Well, by simply trying. You wont maybe be able to "pull" some high school cheerleader or some barista. But by trying to high number of women, to some you maybe will be no1 option. For example, even though I am against dating coworkers, I think you should have at least tried to call those women to coffee and talk to them. And see if there may be something there. And you didnt even try. Same with others. If you talk to them, take the number and call them for coffee or drinks. Maybe not everybody will say "Yes", but some will. Rinse and repeat that lots of times, and bam, you have a girlfriend.