Struggling with being on my own

[Catlady15]

I got divorced earlier this year (my choice) 

my ex husband has already moved on with someone he’s known for years.  
just lately I’m missing affection and cuddles etc. I haven’t had that in so long as that was one of the things that went from the marriage. I feel so up and down and just when I think I’m ok the emotions change again. 
im just after advice on how to move forward and be happy. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Keep working you and the things you can enjoy.

Don't rush into the things you mentioned as it will only cause problems.

Find support groups, friends, read, listen to podcasts, try things you always wanted to do. Go walking, exercise.

[CaroBliss]

It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions after a significant life change like a divorce. You have to Acknowledge Your Feelings . It's okay to feel sad, lonely, or even a bit lost. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment. 

And one way that also help Connect with Others. Reach out to friends and family. Sharing your feelings can help alleviate some of the loneliness. Consider joining groups or activities where you can meet new people.

[Cherylyn]

Concentrate on health both mental and physical.  Be kind to yourself.  Live a fulfilling life meaning work hard,  associate with very moral people,  do something interesting such as hobbies or intellectual pursuits or both.  Get involved with the community such as charitable good works,  your local church if you're faith based,  join groups according to your interest and expand your horizons.  Love yourself and if you make yourself interesting,  you'll attract like minded people.  Nothing is more attractive than your financially strong independence and being secure within yourself.  A good man wants to be part of that to be sure.   

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you're struggling.  I think it sounds normal however upsetting the whirling emotions are.  It makes me think maybe you can volunteer like with kids or at an animal shelter?Do you have friends who aren't "couple friends?"  I hope you feel better soon.

[ShySoul]

Just because a person is in another relationship doesn't mean they have moved on. Sometimes people get in relationships sooner then they should to mask how they really feel. And even if they do truly want to be with this new person, doesn't mean they don't still think about you or wish things could have been different. Feelings don't just disappear, even when you find someone new.

Likewise, your feelings aren't going to just disappear. And that's okay. It's fine to miss affection and cuddles. God knows I miss those and it's been longer then a year since I've had them. It's okay to be up and down. Healing isn't a straight line. Some days you go backwards, other days you make giant leaps forward. It's a long process that takes time, however long you need. But brighter days do come.

The way to be happy is to just be you. It's loving and treating yourself. It's finding all the unique little things that give joy and make you laugh and smile. It can be a concert or a trip. It can be volunteering. It can be a day thrifting. It can be sitting at home with a book or jigsaw puzzle. Whatever you love, throw yourself into it. Have fun just being the person you are. Whatever the go to thing that puts you in a good mood is, do it.

And if it helps, I'm sending you a friendly ehug. Don't feel too down. You'll make it through and something better will come along when it is right.

[Catlady15]

12 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Just because a person is in another relationship doesn't mean they have moved on. Sometimes people get in relationships sooner then they should to mask how they really feel. And even if they do truly want to be with this new person, doesn't mean they don't still think about you or wish things could have been different. Feelings don't just disappear, even when you find someone new.

Likewise, your feelings aren't going to just disappear. And that's okay. It's fine to miss affection and cuddles. God knows I miss those and it's been longer then a year since I've had them. It's okay to be up and down. Healing isn't a straight line. Some days you go backwards, other days you make giant leaps forward. It's a long process that takes time, however long you need. But brighter days do come.

The way to be happy is to just be you. It's loving and treating yourself. It's finding all the unique little things that give joy and make you laugh and smile. It can be a concert or a trip. It can be volunteering. It can be a day thrifting. It can be sitting at home with a book or jigsaw puzzle. Whatever you love, throw yourself into it. Have fun just being the person you are. Whatever the go to thing that puts you in a good mood is, do it.

And if it helps, I'm sending you a friendly ehug. Don't feel too down. You'll make it through and something better will come along when it is right.

Thank you for your kind words 

[yogacat]

Yeah that's hard for you because seeing your ex-husband moving with someone else immediately after divorce and you kind of are intensively reminded that even though you made the decision to end the marriage, you're still alone in the house and he's gone -  and has someone else now! That adds extra pain and emptiness to the already rough road that you're walking on. 

It takes a very strong person to have put their foot down and made this huge decision so like with anything, time is your true ally and without making excuses for it, there’s going to have to be some space for whatever emotions you’re going to confront and that’s inevitable. I dislike that feeling too and try to avoid it but the reality is at some point we’ve got to give in to it. 

Being grateful is really important in life so with this situation try where you can to see the possible good aspects as by trying to view it through that lens can make a huge difference. 

At some point, you're going to (hopefully) find someone new and there will be plenty of time for mutual affection and hugs and cuddles.