Is 8 a high body count for a 23yo woman?

[Tommy_shelb]

I'm a man (29), i have a high income and i can provide good experiences for whoever is with me. I'm dating a 23yo woman; recently, she told me that her body count is 8, which concerned me a bit because i spent my whole life building my career and i can tell that my body count is the same as hers. Now that we are together, she is enjoying the good life with me, but i'm still not sure if she's the woman i want for my life. Logic says she's not, as she does not cook or clean, only if i ask and she still brags about it sometimes. She is a beautiful face and i enjoy time with her, but i think that she does not have what i want in a woman to be the mother of my future children.
So do you think 8 is a high body count for a 23yo woman? considering mine is also 8, she could be lying as I saw on her tiktok profile, 3 years ago, a post by one of her friends in which she explicitly said in a video that she is "suffering for two men at the same time". That got me thinking about her past. I don't think she's too experienced in terms of sex; she gets satisfied pretty easily, and she doesn't do anything crazy in bed, just normal stuff, which i also like. What do you think?

[smackie9]

This doesn't have to do with body count...body count is a judgmental thing about something that at most times doesn't mean anything. Here it's your about expectations and what you are looking for in a life partner...she doesn't fulfill them simple as that, so why are you wasting your time? Plenty of nice ladies out there that are good cooks and want to be a mother. 

[Kwothe28]

At 23? From what I saw on TikTok, be happy its not triple digits lol

I dunno, it doesnt seem much. Lets say that she started dating at 16. That is, what? 1 “body” a year in round up over years of dating? Maybe she had few boyfriends and maybe some ONS in that time. That is really nothing sensational.

I was always the opinion that “body count” doesnt mean much and that it usually reflects through other stuff. For example, I know one that is probably in double, maybe even triple digits. Do you believe that one doesnt have the reputaion? She was literally in a reality show. And was going through country singing and doing God knows what. Has 2 kids from 2 different dads. My point is, everybody knows how she is. If she has double or tripple digits, you would probably know. Because that would be whole village population of men. Heck, as Ive said, todays GenZ brags with that on TikTok. 

I would more be focused on other stuff. You dont want to marry her and you dont think she would be a good mother of your kids who you would have with her? Then just dont date her and find somebody who will be those stuff. 

[yogacat]

Her body count aside, what is it about your relationship with this woman that brings up doubts for you? Is it solely based on her sexual history or are there other red flags or things that don't align with what you want in a partner? 8 may seem like a high number to some people and an average number to others - ultimately, it's up to you to decide if it's a deal breaker or not. 

It's not necessarily about the number itself, but more so about the context and reasons behind the number. If she's been in serious relationships and the number is a result of that, it may not be as concerning. However, if the 8 people she's been with in the past year were just casual hookups, that could be a red flag for some people.

I mean, you've already deemed her not good enough because she doesn't cook nor clean. Better to find someone more compatible on a fundamental level. If you're already unhappy, it's likely you'll eventually grow to resent her even more.

[stelalala]

Don't take this the wrong way, but you bringing up that you can provide for other people and you want a partner to cook and clean comes off a little weird. She is supposed to be your life partner after all, not a pet or an employee. 

Regarding her body count, I do believe that to be normal. Early 20s are very interesting, there are both virgins and people with a much higher body count out there and neither is better or worse than the other. So I would say that doesn't make her a bad partner, but since you don't seem to fond of here and approach this with much more logic than I would expect, you two do not seem to be a match.

[Seraphim]

Why are people discussing body counts ? A clean STD record should be the valuable thing . 

[tattoobunnie]

8 is totally fine; she's a mighty fine cow that will be a great addition to your farm.  She's not a prize you win - you do realize.  She's a person.

Being considered a "loose woman" for having the same number of partners as you is not a "good experience."  If that's your hang up, let her be with someone who will love her, warts and all.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, stelalala said:

Don't take this the wrong way, but you bringing up that you can provide for other people and you want a partner to cook and clean comes off a little weird. She is supposed to be your life partner after all, not a pet or an employee. 

Regarding her body count, I do believe that to be normal. Early 20s are very interesting, there are both virgins and people with a much higher body count out there and neither is better or worse than the other. So I would say that doesn't make her a bad partner, but since you don't seem to fond of here and approach this with much more logic than I would expect, you two do not seem to be a match.

Yes.  My body count at 23 was zero.  I was looking for marriage and family with the right person and without settling. My body count for men who would think for even a second that living the good life from a woman's perspective was being with a man who was a high earner and could provide 100% financially so that I could do what I loved -cook and clean for him - was also - zero.  And I wanted to be a SAHM for far longer than maternity leave and I wanted a man who was financially stable -because I would provide the same (not quite yet at 23 as I was  still developing my career- but yes by 28 - post grad school when I was a high earner).  So I've had both -I was home full time for 7 years, I contributed to the household income -my choice -as I'd saved $$$ to be able to do that - my husband could provide and I don't see  that as living the good life because the good life to me is two people on the same page -we both are ambitious and work hard at our careers and have strong work ethics.  I think it provides really good role models for our son, too.

I don't think she is for you -you want a woman who wants to be primarily a housewife and mother - and who doesn't have career related ambitions that would interfere with that.  Nothing wrong with that.  At all (even though it wouldn't be for me -that's just me!!                      0This woman is not that  woman in the least IMO and her beautiful face won't be enough IMO.

[The Shark101]

13 hours ago, Tommy_shelb said:

I'm a man (29), i have a high income and i can provide good experiences for whoever is with me. I'm dating a 23yo woman; recently, she told me that her body count is 8, which concerned me a bit because i spent my whole life building my career and i can tell that my body count is the same as hers. Now that we are together, she is enjoying the good life with me, but i'm still not sure if she's the woman i want for my life. Logic says she's not, as she does not cook or clean, only if i ask and she still brags about it sometimes. She is a beautiful face and i enjoy time with her, but i think that she does not have what i want in a woman to be the mother of my future children.
So do you think 8 is a high body count for a 23yo woman? considering mine is also 8, she could be lying as I saw on her tiktok profile, 3 years ago, a post by one of her friends in which she explicitly said in a video that she is "suffering for two men at the same time". That got me thinking about her past. I don't think she's too experienced in terms of sex; she gets satisfied pretty easily, and she doesn't do anything crazy in bed, just normal stuff, which i also like. What do you think?

When someone telling you thier body count, the rule of thumb is: Multiply women number by at least two, divide man number by at least two. Lol,,,

[BeaTlesFan77]

When I read the title for this, I thought you were talking about body count as in kills. 😆

[poorlittlefish]

Why are the two of you even talking about such nonsense? All that should matter is the present. Neither of you can change your pasts. 

Most young women these days aspire to more than cooking and cleaning. As you appear to be looking for someone out of the 1950s as your ideal woman, it might be best to let this one go. 

[shouldhavelearned]

It's the same as yours.

She's enjoying the life you provide.

If you see these flags that bother you, move on now. 

 

[Tinydance]

22 hours ago, The Shark101 said:

When someone telling you thier body count, the rule of thumb is: Multiply women number by at least two, divide man number by at least two. Lol,,,

This reminds me of that movie American Pie. I'm pretty sure it was the character Jessica who said to Kevin or something...That if his girlfriend Vicky said she'd slept with three guys it would be at least double that. I loved that movie as a teenager but now it seems outdated and kinda sexist. But towards guys as well because basically the male main characters are portrayed as just these horn dogs whose only goal in life is to get laid.

[Tinydance]

22 hours ago, BeaTlesFan77 said:

When I read the title for this, I thought you were talking about body count as in kills. 😆

Yes in that case it's medium 🤣

[Tinydance]

May I ask what country or cultural background you are from? I'm guessing you aren't from a Western or European country? I think the answer you get would depend on what country or culture someone is from. I'm nearly 40 and I've lived most of my life in Australia. One of my close friends is 26 so she's a lot younger. From what I understand, with social media, dating apps, etc. there is a big casual and hookup culture here in Australia. This friend is actually originally from India but she came to Australia when she was 18. She sleeps with random guys from Tinder a lot. Or at least has in the past. In Australia it seems acceptable to have slept with quite a few people in your 20's. But maybe to people from another culture eight would seem like a lot.

I'm guessing you're from a more traditional culture because your post just comes across as kind of sexist. You seem to be very focused on typical gender roles such as that the woman should be pure and cook and clean and the man provide financially. I don't find that here in Australia with Western people or at least people who grew up here (but from another background) that people care about this stuff. I don't think a man here would care if his girlfriend in her 20's had been with eight guys or she doesn't act like a housewife and cook and clean. But again I'm talking about here. I know in many countries things are like this and it's considered normal.

I also think it's hypocritical if you've been with eight people that you have a problem if she's been with the same number. Like, if your number was low then I understand but it's exactly the same number.

I think also some people have a higher number of people they slept with because they didn't have very long term relationships. Like, my Mum was with my Dad for 43 years since she was a teenager. So I'm pretty sure she had only been with my Dad and maybe one boyfriend before him. But some people will date someone for like 6 months, a year, two years. So they end up sleeping with more people but that doesn't always mean they just had one night stands. Maybe they were in actual relationships with those people.

[Batya33]

I don’t think it ever has to do with hook up “culture “. I grew up with that in the 80s in NYC and I participated in partying and socializing my way according to my values and for practical reasons given the AIDS crisis. So I was right in the thick of the best dance clubs from age 15 and on and I chose not to get drunk take drugs or have casual sex. All of this was totally acceptable and I was immersed in it all around me. I had a total blast. Accepted that many of my friends did it. And chose not to. It’s always a choice. Doesn’t mean my choice was superior or inferior. Just worked for me. 
obviously there are very religious insular communities where people have their marriages arranged and no sex before marriage. 
I was judged at times for my choices so it all depends. If a person tells me they had lots of casual sex because of the “culture “ I wonder about whether they know their own mind or just follow the crowd. 

[rainbowsandroses]

17 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I think the answer you get would depend on what country or culture someone is from.

I agree with this^ Tiny.  From my observations and awareness of the world, men raised in the Middle East and even Mexico (for example) believe women should either be virgins or have a very low "notch count" (e.g less than 5) to be worthy of a relationship or marriage. 

No matter what her age!

I used to judge them for this until I realized this is how and what they were raised to believe.

Not sure where OP is from but there are men even in the U.S. who feel this way!

It's a complete double standard, and I wish there weren't but no sense criticizing a guy for it.  

He's not gonna change, he is who he is, he likes what he likes, he believes what he believes.

OP if her number doesn't match your particular standards, wish her well and walk. 

That's all you can do..

 

 

[Tinydance]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I agree with this^ Tiny.  From my observations and awareness of the world, men raised in they Middle East and even Mexico (for example) believe women should either be virgins or have a very low "notch count" (e.g less than 5) to be worthy of a relationship or marriage. 

I used to judge them for this until I realized this is how and what they were raised to believe.

Not sure where OP is from but there are men even in the U.S. who feel this way.

It's a complete double standard, and I wish there weren't but no sense criticizing a guy for it or berating him.

He's not gonna change, he is who he is, he likes what he likes, he believes what he believes.

OP if her number doesn't match your particular standards, wish her well and walk. 

 

 

Yes and I get that so my advice is also the same not to be with a woman if she's not what you want. The reason doesn't really matter I guess. I was just talking about my own personal opinion. I just can't stand those double standards. OP said he literally slept with eight people too but asking if for her it's too much? And that makes her not wife or mother material. But dude your number is literally the same! So if you're applying that to her, then the same applies to you. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Yes and I get that so my advice is also the same not to be with a woman if she's not what you want. The reason doesn't really matter I guess. I was just talking about my own personal opinion. I just can't stand those double standards. OP said he literally slept with eight people too but asking if for her it's too much? And that makes her not wife or mother material. But dude your number is literally the same! So if you're applying that to her, then the same applies to you. 

I agree. I think it's fine for a person to want to marry someone who is a virgin and I'm not a fan either of that being a dealbreaker if the man is not a virgin.  I get the "I want to be with someone who believes in that and wants their first time to be in marriage, like me"   OP if you have had sexual experience and you consented and all the rest and you are wanting to have sex with her then your values are consistent with sexual experience before marriage, etc.  then I'm not sure it makes sense to expect her not to have had experience - and it turns out -similar to yours!

[BrainPolice]

If she is attractive, then 8 is practically nothing. If you are not living in Saudi Arabia then this is a non-issue. Forget the Andrew Tate nonsense - ok, if she has slept with a 1000 men then maybe that could be an issue in terms of her judgment I guess.

I would be concerned that this might be an ego thing. If she is attractive, the more options she is likely to have. You will have to deal with that!

[TeeDee]

On 10/7/2024 at 9:54 AM, Tommy_shelb said:

So do you think 8 is a high body count for a 23yo woman?

What do you think?

I think these specifics always get people in trouble.  It's why I advocate not asking or telling.   People need some medical info about diseases somebody may have which is why partners should get tested but sharing these numbers makes people crazy. 

My answer was always "enough that I know what I'm doing & what I like but not so high that I can't look myself in the mirror." 

You can't change her past.  If you can't put the number out of your head & never think about it again, break up.  All you will do is punish her & make yourself crazy.  That is not fair to either of you. 

Since you already think that she is not who you want to be the mother of your children, why are you even still with her?  If you see no future stop using her for sex & companionship. 

[ShySoul]

What is high for one person will be low for another person. It all depends on the individual and what their own views are. 

As a 23 year old male my number was zero. I knew women in their late 20s whose number was also zero. I also knew men and women younger whose number was much eight or above. 

None of that matters. Who we sleep with is a personal choice and no one should be judged for it.

What is important is that you want to be with the one you are with, and that any action is done in a safe and consenual manner with open, honest communication. Assuming there are no health issues, the past is the past. What counts is how the two of you feel in the present.