How would one go about handling this?

[Enya77]

I have a sister who copies my style choices and it's kind of making me mad. I don't know, maybe that's what she wants to do. I've said it a lot before, I hate when people copy nearly everything I do. (Other older sister has copied every one of my interests. I have history with this kind of stuff from other people as well.) I don't understand this at all! I mean, my mom copies my style choices too, but the thing about this is, my sister is constantly bullying me and going off about how "ugly" I am to my family members and together, my sisters have completely bullied me all throughout my childhood because of it. I agree with this, but I don't understand why every style choice I make, she does it less than a week later. Recently, she saw the way my hair was parted and decided to part in the exact same place. Last year, I dyed my hair light golden brown, she does it less than a week later. Drew my liner on my top lid, she does it in the same fashion. I like light pink, she starts liking it too. She used to HATE light pink. I don't know if this is some form of upstaging. "Look at me. I can do all of the things you do, but I can pull them off better!" It always irritates me when people do this to me! Maybe that's what she wants. I don't know. I know it is a form of admiration, but I still get mad at it! It makes me feel like I'm not an individual at all. Which I think alone. I mean, nobody does, but I don't blatantly copy the crap out of my sisters. I don't care what they do with their lives. I do what I choose to with my own. I was in the house and she ran to the mirror. My mother also goes off about how ugly she finds me and makes fun of things. She'll judge me for wearing clothing i like because she finds it unflattering and turn around in wear it too. It makes me so mad! It's like being a huge hypocrate.

I'm the youngest out of 3. I have not  copied my sisters as they do myself. Except for when I was really young and in things I couldn't help picking up like manners of speech. I hate it, so I wouldn't do it, at least blatantly.

Another thing i hate is that when I'm standing next to a mirror or reflective surface, I'll see my mom start comparing herself to me. It annoys the crap out of me. I never have my mom, I have something else! We can't have a normal relationship, so I just decided not to engage with her at all!

 

Just to add, I am a genuinely ugly woman. I don't get it!

[yogacat]

I'm sure that's annoying. I would just take it as a compliment. What else can you do, tell her what she can and can't wear?

When she bullies you with those hurtful comments, it's about her and her own feelings of inferiority. 

[Batya33]

What is particularly unique about your choices? I mean I'm sure you copied someone else right? "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"  You can be an individual even if others wear what you wear.  No impact at all.  Why can't they copy what you wear?  It's a free country, right? You can feel what you feel and when you calm down have a more logical talk with yourself IMO.

I'm sorry you are so upset and angry about how you are treated. 

[Enya77]

18 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I'm sure that's annoying. I would just take it as a compliment. What else can you do, tell her what she can and can't wear?

When she bullies you with those hurtful comments, it's about her and her own feelings of inferiority. 

I agree. I guess I just needed to know how to think of it.

 

[yogacat]

14 minutes ago, Enya77 said:

I agree. I guess I just needed to know how to think of it.

 

My mom would often ask me how I did my makeup/skincare/hair and she would end up purchasing the same products as me. She would want to watch me when I would put makeup on sometimes.

It was a bit annoying...

But, after a while, I realized that she just wanted to connect with me and share a similar interest. Not saying that's the case here but that's a different way to look at it I guess.

Sometimes friends and I would say "oh, I really like x, y, and z on you," and we'd each want to replicate it for ourselves (more, or less, give and take...).

Unless she's purposely mimicking you (but you mentioned that it's not just this one sister, but several people), so I feel that this is more of a coincidence than imitation.

[Enya77]

28 minutes ago, yogacat said:

My mom would often ask me how I did my makeup/skincare/hair and she would end up purchasing the same products as me. She would want to watch me when I would put makeup on sometimes.

It was a bit annoying...

But, after a while, I realized that she just wanted to connect with me and share a similar interest. Not saying that's the case here but that's a different way to look at it I guess.

Sometimes friends and I would say "oh, I really like x, y, and z on you," and we'd each want to replicate it for ourselves (more, or less, give and take...).

Unless she's purposely mimicking you (but you mentioned that it's not just this one sister, but several people), so I feel that this is more of a coincidence than imitation.

This is most likely it.

[ShySoul]

2 hours ago, Enya77 said:

I don't care what they do with their lives. I do what I choose to with my own.

Choose not to take it personally. Live your life how you want and let them do whatever they are going to do. You've said how you care too much about other people's opinions. This is another example. So try to concentrate on being happy with the way you are and less on their reactions.

Imitiation is flattery, right? Take it as a compliment they want to be like you, that they see things about you that they like even if they aren't able to admit it.

And you aren't an ugly woman. If you were, I doubt people would be trying to copy you like this. Maybe take it as a sign that you actually are attractive, inside and out.

[Enya77]

3 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Choose not to take it personally. Live your life how you want and let them do whatever they are going to do. You've said how you care too much about other people's opinions. This is another example. So try to concentrate on being happy with the way you are and less on their reactions.

Imitiation is flattery, right? Take it as a compliment they want to be like you, that they see things about you that they like even if they aren't able to admit it.

And you aren't an ugly woman. If you were, I doubt people would be trying to copy you like this. Maybe take it as a sign that you actually are attractive, inside and out.

Thank you for this advice! 👍

 

[Andrina]

6 hours ago, Enya77 said:

my sister is constantly bullying me and going off about how "ugly" I am to my family members and together, my sisters have completely bullied me all throughout my childhood because of it.

How much longer do you have to live with them? I'd set my goals to getting a continuing education or technical training to get a great paying job. Then you can get your own place and build your own family with friends who will build you up instead of tearing you down. That's the beauty of friendship. You can choose them. You can also choose less time around people, including blood, if they are toxic. In the meantime, I'd try escaping into your bedroom if you don't have to share it, the library, bookstores, coffee shops, etc.  You can't control what others do, but you can handle it the best you can until you're independent by finding little retreats for yourself.

[Cherylyn]

I,  too felt irritated from the "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"  (when imitated) or "silence is the sincerest form of flattery" (due to no compliments).  Friends and acquaintances have copied my hairstyle,  clothing,  handbags,  shoes,  perfumes,  lipstick shades,  other cosmetics,  manicure / pedicure / nail colors and everything I have or do.  I'm no longer annoyed because my DNA is unique.  No one can copy what I look like.  Other people do not look like me try as they may.  The is the difference most of all.  No matter how hard a person tries to emulate you in every way,  they don't have your face,  physique,  height,  weight,  personality,  character and everything which makes you one of a kind.  You make yourself special by being you.   Everything else is icing on the cake.

You can't control what other people do.  They'll do it anyway no matter how much you do not approve of their behaviors.  

All you can do is show class,  learn to ignore and go your own way in life.   

You're not ugly.  True beauty is your mind,  how you treat others which is selfless behavior and being a decent,  very honorable human being.  You hold your standards at a high level.  No one can compete with that.   

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I,  too felt irritated from the "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"  (when imitated) or "silence is the sincerest form of flattery" (due to no compliments).  Friends and acquaintances have copied my hairstyle,  clothing,  handbags,  shoes,  perfumes,  lipstick shades,  other cosmetics,  manicure / pedicure / nail colors and everything I have or do.  I'm no longer annoyed because my DNA is unique.  No one can copy what I look like.  Other people do not look like me try as they may.  The is the difference most of all.  No matter how hard a person tries to emulate you in every way,  they don't have your face,  physique,  height,  weight,  personality,  character and everything which makes you one of a kind.  You make yourself special by being you.   Everything else is icing on the cake.

You can't control what other people do.  They'll do it anyway no matter how much you do not approve of their behaviors.  

All you can do is show class,  learn to ignore and go your own way in life.   

You're not ugly.  True beauty is your mind,  how you treat others which is selfless behavior and being a decent,  very honorable human being.  You hold your standards at a high level.  No one can compete with that.   

I don't think choosing to wear light pink is copying.  I think that's going too far.  Perhaps her sibling never really considered using light pink in that way so she's trying it.  Liner on the top lid -same thing -it's not unique and sometimes a person has to be in proximity to see how something looks and then tries it themselves.  My friend who used to live downstairs got a specific brand of crossbody bag for christmas from her MIL.  She showed it to me and it was perfect for what I was looking for because of all the compartments - awesome for moms. I didn't order the same color or specific style as I wanted a smaller one but for sure I was glad I'd learned about that brand from her.  She wouldn't have cared if I ordered the same exact color, etc.

I think there are times when it gets tooo much like if you start using a certain phrase in a certain tone and your coworker then says it all the time and in exactly the same way that can be unnerving.  

[Cherylyn]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think choosing to wear light pink is copying.  I think that's going too far.  Perhaps her sibling never really considered using light pink in that way so she's trying it.  Liner on the top lid -same thing -it's not unique and sometimes a person has to be in proximity to see how something looks and then tries it themselves.  My friend who used to live downstairs got a specific brand of crossbody bag for christmas from her MIL.  She showed it to me and it was perfect for what I was looking for because of all the compartments - awesome for moms. I didn't order the same color or specific style as I wanted a smaller one but for sure I was glad I'd learned about that brand from her.  She wouldn't have cared if I ordered the same exact color, etc.

I think there are times when it gets tooo much like if you start using a certain phrase in a certain tone and your coworker then says it all the time and in exactly the same way that can be unnerving.  

I personally don't like to look like twins when side by side with people in my midst.  I don't mind being copied by strangers whom I'll never again see for the rest of my life though.  😉

I have very chic taste and fortunately,  I'm not copied too much but then again,  it helps that I'm not with certain local relatives and in-laws frequently throughout the year.  Many times,  I'll deliberately not wear a certain handbag or style so they won't have the opportunity to copy me.  OP,  @Enya77,  you might want to do what I do and save the good stuff for when you're out in public and there will be less likelihood of being copied and if you are,  you won't encounter the public again.

However,  with family whom you live with or reside closely to,  they'll do whatever they want.  There's nothing you can do about it.  Just focus on you being your own person. 

Fortunately,  my local friends have their own style as do I.  We may have something similar but it's different in other aspects and brand names are not the same.  Generally,  they don't copy my colors.  Usually,  my tastes are my own and their styles are a bit outdated.  Many times,  I'll deliberately wear something else with friends and I'll save my best chic attire and handbags for dining out or enjoyable outings with my husband,  for example.

 

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I personally don't like to look like twins when side by side with people in my midst.  I don't mind being copied by strangers whom I'll never again see for the rest of my life though.  😉

I have very chic taste and fortunately,  I'm not copied too much but then again,  it helps that I'm not with certain local relatives and in-laws frequently throughout the year.  Many times,  I'll deliberately not wear a certain handbag or style so they won't have the opportunity to copy me.  OP,  @Enya77,  you might want to do what I do and save the good stuff for when you're out in public and there will be less likelihood of being copied and if you are,  you won't encounter the public again.

However,  with family whom you live with or reside closely to,  they'll do whatever they want.  There's nothing you can do about it.  Just focus on you being your own person. 

Fortunately,  my local friends have their own style as do I.  We may have something similar but it's different in other aspects and brand names are not the same.  Generally,  they don't copy my colors.  Usually,  my tastes are my own and their styles are a bit outdated.  Many times,  I'll deliberately wear something else with friends and I'll save my best chic attire and handbags for dining out or enjoyable outings with my husband,  for example.

 

I don't think adding light pink to a wardrobe choice or applying liner on top of a lid is twins.  I agree with you that someone trying to look like a twin might be extreme.  

I used to wear a lot of Nanette Lepore but she has so much variety. My friend loved the designer and introduced me to her clothing and took me to the sample sales twice a year near where we lived -she wanted me to buy the clothes if I liked them.  So I did.  I don't think we owned any of the same pieces and for sure never wore Nanette Lepore at the same time best I can recall.  Obviously it didn't bother her in the least.

[Seraphim]

Never engage bad behaviour. Period, especially not with adults . IGNORE IT . If you engage they know they are getting to you. 

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think adding light pink to a wardrobe choice or applying liner on top of a lid is twins.  I agree with you that someone trying to look like a twin might be extreme.  

I used to wear a lot of Nanette Lepore but she has so much variety. My friend loved the designer and introduced me to her clothing and took me to the sample sales twice a year near where we lived -she wanted me to buy the clothes if I liked them.  So I did.  I don't think we owned any of the same pieces and for sure never wore Nanette Lepore at the same time best I can recall.  Obviously it didn't bother her in the least.

Within the same household,  if every time OP @Enya77 wears whatever clothing,  wardrobe and makeup and if she's immediately copied thereafter,  yes,  the person being copied feels like twinning.  She doesn't feel original,  unique or different.  That would drive me batty, too.  Fortunately,  I'm surrounded by men in my household so it's not a problem.  😉

@Enya77,  don't care about their reactions.  They will do whatever they want anyway.  Just know they're not you and you're a class all your own.  They're unkind and dismissive.  When you have your own home,  you won't have to tolerate nor accept their boorish behavior anymore.  In the meantime,  limit contact as much as possible while remaining civil. 

I save my better chic handbags,  for example when I'm out with my husband only.  I have very dainty tastes which never screams "Mom."  That's just me though.  🤗 I've always been this way.  😉

[yogacat]

Less to do with copying your style and more to do with insults. How your Mom and sister say you're ugly. To he** with anything else. That's just nasty behavior on their part.

Hopefully you can move out soon.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

You're not ugly.  True beauty is your mind,  how you treat others which is selfless behavior and being a decent,  very honorable human being.  You hold your standards at a high level.  No one can compete with that.  

Worth repeating. True beauty comes from within and being a good person. The real ugliness comes from the people who feel the need to put you down for just being you (all the while copying you on things lol). 

Be unapologetically you. Have your own style because it makes you feel good. Do what you like. Don't worry about what others think. That's beautiful in my book.

[yogacat]

2 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

I have very chic taste and fortunately

Says who, you? My god, can you toot your own horn anymore? OP is being called ugly by her family members, what does it matter how chic someone is?

OP, distance yourself. They don't treat you kindly. Who cares about fashion and appearance when there's bullying involved? Sounds like sister needs therapy or both probably need therapy together.