I feel like I'm getting gr00med by my parents (especially my mother)

[pineapple.poet]

I'm a minor living with my parents. I've felt like my home situation is just a joke and it will get normal like it was for other people, and I've had this thought since I was very little (around 3-5 years old). I'm now starting to realise that the home I stay inside of everyday is a wrong, an unhealthy, and terrible one. I'm trying my best to get help from school, the Internet, etc. I feel VERY uncomfortable when I am around my parents, and there's a lot of reasons why I feel this way; they force me to speak about uncomfortable topics (politics, my friends, what I do, and my personal topics), they have the need to keep on neglecting me whenever anything 'goes wrong', by taking away my belongings, my clothes, and any way that I have access to the Internet, or help. My mother will sometimes get inside the bathroom while I'm bathing and take her stuff, using 'Oh, I'm just your mom!' as an excuse, and she will often make unnecessary comments about my appearance that really make me believe that she is sick in the head. She uses excuses like "I'm your mother" and similar phrases to manipulate me into fitting her ideal daughter's standards and not letting me have thoughts of my own. They will often purposely refuse to feed me because I was "not being grateful". They will also often threaten to abuse me (physically) even more instead of acknowledging their mistakes.

I live in a region where domestic abuse is very common yet deemed as 'normal' or 'every household experiences that', and I'm trying to stop this from resuming, I know that I will become terrible and cruel as a human being and as a person. I also doubt that I will live above the age of 17 if I don't figure this out. (My family is the main cause of my depression, which has been going on ever since I was 8. Trying to set boundaries does not ever work since I'm deemed as the 'dependent' and 'clueless' one in the household, so just trying to express my opinion or belief about ANYTHING will get me slapped across the face. I've been considering running away completely on a cold winter night with all the things I will need, including my parent's cash money and my documents), Please help me.

[Seraphim]

Do you attend school? Do they have a school counsellor ? In what part of the world do you live that domestic abuse is an acceptable norm ? That might be helpful for our answers. 

[Coily]

This is a heavy topic. So I think we need to break it down into what could be objectively normal, abnormal, and dependent on the situation.

Normal:

• they force me to speak about uncomfortable topics (politics, my friends, what I do, and my personal topics)

Abnormal

• manipulate me into fitting her ideal daughter's standards
• not letting me have thoughts of my own
• They will often purposely refuse to feed me because I was "not being grateful".
• They will also often threaten to abuse me (physically) even more instead of acknowledging their mistakes.
• my opinion or belief about ANYTHING will get me slapped across the face.

Dependent:

• they have the need to keep on neglecting me whenever anything 'goes wrong', by taking away my belongings, my clothes, and any way that I have access to the Internet, or help.

A parent talking to their child about "uncomfortable" topics as you stated is pretty normal. Most parents want to get an idea of where their child is heading in life and who they are becoming. Also taking away some things as a form of punishment, is situation dependent.

However the things I listed as abnormal from your text, is down right alarming. And I understand why you would consider running away. unfortunately, that's how a lot of young people get groomed into far worse, like sex trafficking.

So, here is my limited advice. Start by documenting these incidents, where they act abusively. Start speaking to your school guidance counselor about these concerns. Reach out to child protective services where you are, if the school doesn't take any steps. If physical abuse does happen, get law enforcement involved.

Consider a shelter while things are investigated.

 

 

[pineapple.poet]

25 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Do you attend school? Do they have a school counsellor ? In what part of the world do you live that domestic abuse is an acceptable norm ? That might be helpful for our answers. 

My school does have a school counsellor (I'm trying to talk to her when she's available) and I live in the middle East.

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, pineapple.poet said:

My school does have a school counsellor (I'm trying to talk to her when she's available) and I live in the middle East.

That will be more complicated since the majority of people on here I believe are western. 

[Coily]

My post was in a Western framing, your situation is far more complicated in light of this information. There are a lot of nuances that we will blindly skip over, that you need addressed.

 

[TeeDee]

Grooming generally refers to a behavior where an adult manipulates a minor into a sexual situation.  Other than your mother coming into the bathroom, I'm not seeing grooming from your post.  I am not saying what is happening is right but it's a different kind of wrong. 

You say your parents force you to talk about uncomfortable topics then you list politics, your friends, what you do & your personal topics as examples of subjects you don't want to discuss.  I'm sorry but that simply sounds like good parenting on the part of your parents.  They want to know what is going on with you to keep you safe.  Asking you to discuss current events like politics is helping you to grow as a person & teaching you conversational skills.  I see nothing wrong there. 

Not feeding you & threatening you with physical violence are problems.  Parents are supposed to care for a nurture their children.   While they are allowed to discipline their children, there should be limits.   Unfortunately  I can't speak to those limits in the Middle East.  My knowledge base is Western.   Do speak to a trusted school counselor or sympathetic extended family member.   

Running away is not a good answer.  Even with money you might not have the skills you need to keep yourself safe.