I guess I just need to vent.

[Enya77]

My anxiety is horrible! I recently got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I've experienced awful anxiety ever since I was a toddler. I guess I'm stupid because I watched a horror movie and that's what set off even worse anxiety! I'm not normal like everyone else, I can't watch regular old horror movies without giving myself worse anxiety, have caffiene without freaking out and experiencing awful manias and mood swings, keep a conversation going or do small talk and just act like a normal person and be super likeable. I have so much wrong with me! 

Well after that, I heard a neighbor outside my window calling me the r word. I get called that a lot. I get called a loser a lot and people say I need new friends, but these people are always strangers, I d9n't have friends. I'm already bipolar and It's hard enough as it is. I get told to stand up for myself, but how can I do that when everyone's behavior is mostly passive aggressive? This happens behind my back though there have been instances where awful and rude things were said right behind me.

After hearing these things I get super anxious. I'm scared to live my life because I live it and experience harassment and hostility from other people completely alone. Nobody stands up for me, nobody defends me because they all genuinely hate me.

 

I remember going to a clinic to get a checkup and heard the nurses and dr.s outside my room all talking about how they hated me and in such malicious tones. I heard them actually say that. I heard them say I was in "there with kenny", kenny was the counselor I had talked to. Well after meeting him, he walked outside the room and said "I hate her!" I left that place feeling awful and crying my eyes out! Everyone there knew I was suicidal and depressed (what we were duscussing) but they still laughed at me. One of the nurses said: "I ALMOST feel bad for her!" I was visibly upset. Every conversation I overhear, everyone is always talking about how much they hate me and then laughing at me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong! I think I'm accidentallly being rude, but I don't know how! My mom's no help she never tells me anything truthful unless she's mad at me.

Nobody cares about my feelings as evidenced above. I'd reach out to my mom and she'd use everything I said to mock me in front of family members. I was suicidal and they didn't even care. I know for a fact nobody cares about me or how I feel. That's a given.

 

I dread going anywhere or being around anyone. There's no familiar person to talk to. No one has my back. Instead, they all hate me and judge everything about me and this happens automatically upon them seeing me. I don't even have to speak! I have so much anxiety when I hear this! I have no idea how I'm supposed to live in this world! It really doesn't help that I have have such bad anxiety of dumb opinions everyone elsecwould otherwise disregard.

I really wish I were somebody else! It's hard to have friends or be around others when I'm always scared I'll make them snap because I simply exist! 

Well, that was it, that was the vent.

I hope i didn't annoy anyone. Lol

[shouldhavelearned]

That is so unprofessional of them.

 

Find new people to go see.

[TeeDee]

If medical staff actually said that they should be reported to their licensing agencies immediately 

[Enya77]

On 10/2/2024 at 7:47 PM, shouldhavelearned said:

That is so unprofessional of them.

 

Find new people to go see.

Sorry. Internet connection went down. I have since found a different place to go to. Still bothered by that sometimes though.

[ShySoul]

Hey buddy.

Take it from another not normal person who has flashes of anxiety, you're okay in my book. Really, what's so great about normal? If normal is judging others and making comments, I'd be happy to not be normal.

You seem likeable to me. You've mentioned things you've accomplished. Keep pushing ahead on your own. The words of busybodies who have to put their nose where it doesn't belong doesn't change who you are or everything you can do in your life if you set yourself to doing it.

I often wish I lived a different life, that things would come easier or I would be a bit more respected. But I try to remember the problem is in them. As long as I stay true to me, then there is nothing wrong with me. And there is nothing wrong with you. Try to not let the anxiety get the better of you. 

I know it's not the same since I'm not there, but if it's any help, I care about your feelings and I would be standing up for you if I could. I'd have your back. If you need to vent or want to talk, you can count on me. Really pulling for you.

Best wishes.

[MissCanuck]

On 10/3/2024 at 3:45 AM, Enya77 said:

Every conversation I overhear, everyone is always talking about how much they hate me and then laughing at me.

I find this hard to believe, though I get that you certainly feel that way. 

Is there a chance you are applying your own negative filter and hearing things differently? It is unlikely that everyone everywhere is constantly talking about you. 

 

[Enya77]

10 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Hey buddy.

Take it from another not normal person who has flashes of anxiety, you're okay in my book. Really, what's so great about normal? If normal is judging others and making comments, I'd be happy to not be normal.

You seem likeable to me. You've mentioned things you've accomplished. Keep pushing ahead on your own. The words of busybodies who have to put their nose where it doesn't belong doesn't change who you are or everything you can do in your life if you set yourself to doing it.

I often wish I lived a different life, that things would come easier or I would be a bit more respected. But I try to remember the problem is in them. As long as I stay true to me, then there is nothing wrong with me. And there is nothing wrong with you. Try to not let the anxiety get the better of you. 

I know it's not the same since I'm not there, but if it's any help, I care about your feelings and I would be standing up for you if I could. I'd have your back. If you need to vent or want to talk, you can count on me. Really pulling for you.

Best wishes.

Thanks so much ,Shysoul! You always remind me to hold my head up and keep moving forward. I wish there were more people like you in the world! I always have to keep these things pasted in my mind and repeat them to myself. Thanks again for your support!

[Enya77]

10 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I find this hard to believe, though I get that you certainly feel that way. 

Is there a chance you are applying your own negative filter and hearing things differently? It is unlikely that everyone everywhere is constantly talking about you. 

 

I understand you. I do sometimes put things together and correlate things that aren't true, but most of the time this does happen. I've heard them say things about me very clearly and even mention me by name. I don't expect everyone to believe me because it does sound untrue. I do agree that we can do this, but I know most of the time, that's not what's happening.