25f dating 30m

[Boo12]

25f dating 30m. Stress hives?

Hello everyone. I need to get this out. I’ve been dating a guy for about two months. Everythings been great. Hes a good guy, he loves my son, he helps with what he can. I really should be completely happy. But i am not. I feel like im not attracted to him at all. Ive been having such a hard time because i was in a relationship for 7 years. And i dont know if im just pushing him away bc of my past with my childs father. I broke out in hives two weeks ago. I cant stop itching. Ive been to the ER twice. Gotten multiple treatments and nothing is working. I feel like it is stress bc i am thinking about how terrible i feel for not liking him every second of the day. He lives in my house. Works under the table w family. I work from home and make double what he makes, but, he still contributes and gives his last dime. Little things he does makes me upset like getting on to my son or when i buy food and he eats it all before i can even get any. I feel like im being used too. He lived with his cousin, cousin in law, and their baby before he moved in with me. I feel like he jsut doesnt want more for himself. I do doordash while he sleeps in my bed. I stay up crying and itching while hes in my bed. Please. Someone tell me what i need to hear bc idk what to do. 

[MissCanuck]

Why in the fresh heck is some guy you've been dating 60 days livng with you and part of your son's life? 

Whose idea was that? (Let me guess: not yours) This is way too much, way too soon. Get him out of your house, and slow way down next time. It is simply unwise and irresponsible to rush like this, especially when you have a child to consider.

Your body is screaming at you to make better choices, Boo. 

 

[poorlittlefish]

You have shown very poor judgement here, OP.  If you are not even attracted to this guy, why is he c*ck lodging in your house and - worse - involved with your son?  Two months is when you are having your initial dates, not getting all domesticated.  Please ask him to leave and learn from this ill-considered situation.

[Batya33]

You're settling out of desperation and likely financially related since for some reason this man you just started dating is giving you money. And free babysitting too right so  you can work and make double. Is he in a legitimate business but just under the table. Maybe you have hives too from coming into contact with doordash food you are allergic to?

there are no shoulds.  Do you like your son every second of the day? You're only going there in your head because this is a person you are not romantically attracted to and you don't have much respect for.  People who desire to be with someone else in a committed romantic relationship don't overthink and monitor "do I like him/do I not like him"  When the core is - romantic chemistry, respect, affection, emotional feelings that are mostly positive then when there are ebbs/dips/when you're irritated -the core remains -the positive core and it doesn't shake your world or make you itchy.

Your son should not be around a man you've known for less time than your favorite pair of comfy socks.

[Boo12]

I do want to add i have only been dating him for two months but i have known him for a long time 

[MissCanuck]

52 minutes ago, Boo12 said:

I do want to add i have only been dating him for two months but i have known him for a long time 

That doesn't really change much. 

He still should not be living with you and involved in your kid's life. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Boo12 said:

I do want to add i have only been dating him for two months but i have known him for a long time 

But you haven’t lived with him. Had him provide for you financially had him this involved in your son’s life. He’s not a stranger but this relationship particularly with playing house this fast is quite different from knowing someone even as a close friend. JMHO

[Coily]

You let him white knight his way into your home, this is just a mess on so many levels.

He should be cut loose, and you should find a way to pay him back.

9 hours ago, Boo12 said:

I work from home and make double what he makes, but, he still contributes and gives his last dime.

He thinks he's investing in a future, not in a place where two people are miserable.

[smackie9]

I thought you were living in a camper on your parent's property? You lost your place right? He just sits there and smokes dope. 

 

[tattoobunnie]

  Definition of a deadbeat:

On 9/30/2024 at 7:07 AM, Boo12 said:

met…. 7ish months ago on a dating app.

he told me he wasnt a relationship guy and didnt want one

Has no car or license and was living with his cousin when we met.

When i moved he stopped talking to me for a bit

He makes about 300 every week. No goals to get more money

When i finally get a good bit he will ask how i did and then say stuff like oh nice lets go eat or oh nice i can roll another blunt then.

Its like hes taking advantage of me.

He wants to get a place but how can we do this when i am the only one hustling?

He doesnt have a license due to a surgery. 

Im not attracted really.

Have you realized yet you pick damaged goods? I can honestly say, if you break up, there's savings right there since you no longer have another child to feed along with all his other expenses.

Unless you're engaged with a planned wedding date, your partner should not be moving in with you.

You already have a kid to feed; don't need two, that's a GIANT DEADBEAT.

deadbeat

ˈded-ˌbēt

noun

1. loafer
2. one who persistently fails to pay personal debts or expenses

[rainbowsandroses]

12 hours ago, Boo12 said:

I stay up crying and itching while hes in my bed. Please. Someone tell me what i need to hear bc idk what to do. 

Is there a reason you're unable to tell him things aren't working for you and ask him to leave?  

Clearly that is what you need to do; seems like a bit of a no brainer especially given the fact you've only been together two months. 

What's going on?  What's preventing you from doing that?

 

[Seraphim]

For the sake of your son stop your roll. You don’t need to fast track relationships. Now your son gets to suffer again when this guy is gone. Be a mom first. 

[HeartGoesOn]

My thoughts are not only the danger/risks involved here, but not seeming to recognize why you're making these choices.

 

[Boo12]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Is there a reason you're unable to tell him things aren't working for you and ask him to leave?  

Clearly that is what you need to do; seems like a bit of a no brainer especially given the fact you've only been together two months. 

What's going on?  What's preventing you from doing that?

 

I dont like to hurt people. I was in a 7 year relationship and it was so toxic. I have PTSD due to being drugged by his friends, the lies, abuse, etc. i am afraid i am making the wrong decision. My family loves him and says he is so good to me. 

[Boo12]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I thought you were living in a camper on your parent's property? You lost your place right? He just sits there and smokes dope. 

 

He works too. Thats what im saying. My family lives here too. They say he treats me good and im pushing a good guy away

[smackie9]

42 minutes ago, Boo12 said:

He works too. Thats what im saying. My family lives here too. They say he treats me good and im pushing a good guy away

You know why they are telling you that? Because they don't want to deal with the situation you are in themselves. 

[tattoobunnie]

You are looking out for yourself and your daughter, and not pushing away a normal good person.  He is not a good guy. He is selfish. 

[Boo12]

I broke up with him. 

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Boo12 said:

I broke up with him. 

I hope he no longer lives with you and found a place of his own.

[SophiaG]

Didn't you just post a thread about this guy using you? How has "everything been great"?

 

22 hours ago, Boo12 said:

Little things he does makes me upset like getting on to my son or when i buy food and he eats it all before i can even get any.

What do you mean by him "getting on to your son"? And he eats all your food not leaving any for you - which is "little things" to you???

 

22 hours ago, Boo12 said:

I stay up crying and itching while hes in my bed.

Why are you doing this to your self? Kick him out and go to a doctor for your hives.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Boo12 said:

I broke up with him. 

Good. 

Did you kick him out as well? 

[Tinydance]

Well, look, even if he was a good guy, that doesn't mean you'd be into him. I believe that most people are good but we're not into most people, right? If you don't want to be with him there is absolutely no obligation to be with him. Especially if you're not attracted to him. Relationships are a choice and you should be with someone you truly like and enjoy being with.

But just as a last comment. I feel like I need to be fair because I'm trying to be objective about this situation. I mean, sure, this guy sounds like a bit of a loser. But he is no worse than you are. I'm sorry but you are not well positioned in life either. You can't make ends meet as well and don't have your own place essentially. You are living in a trailer on your parents' property. You invite this guy to live with you and your have expectations that he'll get a full-time job and he'll provide well for you and your son. But you only dated for two months and he's not your child’s father. Whether he's a loser or not but you're asking him to be a Dad to your son and take care of your son financially. That's a big ask when you've only been dating two months. You say he was using you but weren't you using him too?

Anyway it sounds like you made the right decision for yourself. I wish you the best.

[Boo12]

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well, look, even if he was a good guy, that doesn't mean you'd be into him. I believe that most people are good but we're not into most people, right? If you don't want to be with him there is absolutely no obligation to be with him. Especially if you're not attracted to him. Relationships are a choice and you should be with someone you truly like and enjoy being with.

But just as a last comment. I feel like I need to be fair because I'm trying to be objective about this situation. I mean, sure, this guy sounds like a bit of a loser. But he is no worse than you are. I'm sorry but you are not well positioned in life either. You can't make ends meet as well and don't have your own place essentially. You are living in a trailer on your parents' property. You invite this guy to live with you and your have expectations that he'll get a full-time job and he'll provide well for you and your son. But you only dated for two months and he's not your child’s father. Whether he's a loser or not but you're asking him to be a Dad to your son and take care of your son financially. That's a big ask when you've only been dating two months. You say he was using you but weren't you using him too?

Anyway it sounds like you made the right decision for yourself. I wish you the best.

Thats also why i feel like im being too harsh. I dont have my *** together 

[Boo12]

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well, look, even if he was a good guy, that doesn't mean you'd be into him. I believe that most people are good but we're not into most people, right? If you don't want to be with him there is absolutely no obligation to be with him. Especially if you're not attracted to him. Relationships are a choice and you should be with someone you truly like and enjoy being with.

But just as a last comment. I feel like I need to be fair because I'm trying to be objective about this situation. I mean, sure, this guy sounds like a bit of a loser. But he is no worse than you are. I'm sorry but you are not well positioned in life either. You can't make ends meet as well and don't have your own place essentially. You are living in a trailer on your parents' property. You invite this guy to live with you and your have expectations that he'll get a full-time job and he'll provide well for you and your son. But you only dated for two months and he's not your child’s father. Whether he's a loser or not but you're asking him to be a Dad to your son and take care of your son financially. That's a big ask when you've only been dating two months. You say he was using you but weren't you using him too?

Anyway it sounds like you made the right decision for yourself. I wish you the best.

He volunteers the help with my son. I tell him everyday thats not his obligation and i feel like hes gonna get tired of it and resent me. He says he wont

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Boo12 said:

Thats also why i feel like im being too harsh. I dont have my *** together 

So become the right person to find the right person - get your stuff together one baby step at a time.  If you need someone who treats you right foster a puppy.  Show your child a good role model for a healthy relationship -two reasonably secure, confident people with their "s" together who choose to be together to enhance their lives not make their lives. 

It doesn't matter if he "volunteers" -it takes two.  Say no cause you're the mom.  It takes a village so we find friends, family, and we share in helping - maybe your friend helps out with some babysitting and you bring the person a meal or watch their child.  You don't have some guy you barely know who's likely involved in a shady under the table business move on in and get all involved with your precious child. 

Good decision to end things.