No closure and hard time moving on

[butterfly1990]

On 10/2/2024 at 6:51 AM, Debsterism said:

Madam, you are doing the absolute most. You only ran around with this guy for a couple of weeks and you are having all these emotions about it? That's not even a relationship - it's casual dating for two people who JUST MET. 

Secondly, nobody gives you closure. I think women tend to romanticize and put too much on light dating interactions with guys, then play damsel in distress when the guy doesn't feel it. If he never sat down with you and asked you to consider a long-term future with him, then all of this "relationship" stuff is a figment of your imagination.

Thirdly, people end these types of casual interactions via text all the time. You know why? Cause he wasn't your man and you two did not have a commitment. So there is no "break up" to happen. He just let you know he wasn't feeling it. All you were supposed to do is say "ok" and that's it. Sending long emotion laden walls of text back to someone who has already moved on, expecting them to care and to respond is rather interesting thinking. Again, romanticizing something that didn't exist in reality, but was a fantasy based on your WISHES, HOPES AND DREAMS. 

Bottom line, closure is something you give yourself. As soon as you as a woman decide that you deserve more, you deserve better... and close the door to any situation which wastes your time with disrespect or disregard. There you have it - closure. 

He actually left me because I'm a Christian virgin waiting for sex until marriage. That is why he left me. He claimed to be this God fearing man and when he brought sex up that is when I told him I'm waiting until marriage and so he left. I assumed because he was a God fearing man he would be okay with waiting, but I learned my lesson to be upfront with men to not get emotionally invested. I think if he said it was nice to know you or a simple goodbye and wish you the best would have made me feel like I had value as a person not just for sex. It hurts because I'm a very sensitive woman with a good heart. I date with the intention of marrying and treat others with a lot of love. I'm kind of naive with low self-esteem/codependent and get attached quickly, which I'm working on in therapy. I am also a domestic violence survivor so it was the first time dating since my previous toxic relationships. I've been through a lot of trauma so the attention and seemingly kindness he gave me made me feel special and I got anxiously attached. Yes, I know it was just one month and he wasn't my man, but it was pretty intense with all the dates he planned and multiple texts/calls every day. I fell in love quickly. I was there in the hospital for an eye surgery he had. I guess I am a very sensitive person who also cared for him as person, but unfortunately it didn't work out so I'm moving on. 

[Cherylyn]

There is a very moral man out there for you who will share your Christian values.  This is not the end all.  He is worth the wait.  Remain patient because it will pay off.  I admire you for not following the crowd.  Stick to your principles and continue holding your standards high.  You will be glad you did.  I was you back in the day.  I married a great husband and father to our sons,  reside in a peaceful suburb, 🏡  live a very settled life and you too can attain what I have.

Save the explanation and closures for the movies because in real life,  people are abrupt,  selfish,  very self-centered and very much narcissists (lack empathy).  These typical behaviors are prevalent in society.  Grow accustomed to it.  Once you realize how the general public is,  nothing will surprise nor shock you anymore.  😒  Actually being wary and jaded is a positive trait because it means you've become realistic about people and accept their typical unsavory behaviors.  Even though you don't like it,  accept their flippant,  convenient behavior by considering it as society's "normal." 

Learn to adapt the way of the world.  It doesn't mean you become one of them though to be clear.  Adapt meaning know human nature and instead of becoming angry and disappointed in people,  expect the worst in them and you will be fine.  Should they actually be better than you expected,  this is the time to appreciate them if they've exceeded your original expectations.  When you change your mindset to this tack,  you will be better prepared for anything.  Being numb is a positive trait to have.  Your mind becomes even keeled and you adjust easily with however way people behave.

I'm sensitive, too.  I too am a product of domestic violence including observing my father beat up my mother.  😡 😭 

You have a healthy attitude regarding moving on.  Focus on yourself,  take good care of your health,  surround yourself with very moral people,  be interested in whatever brings you joy (intellect / hobbies / pastimes or whatever) and you will attract like minded people.  Since you're a Christian,  fellowship with your brethren,  belong to ministries,  attend Bible study groups and be within your comfort zone who think and write like you.  Be with a Christian man who believes and practices the same tenets. 

I've found the best way for moving on with your own closure is to take good care of yourself.  Don't neglect yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  When you love yourself,  you respect yourself.  When you respect yourself,  you think more clearly.  You'll become steadfast,  unwavering and absolute.  When you're clear headed,  the light turns on and you grow wiser.  Focus on self care.  Pamper yourself.  Treat yourself as if you matter.  Treating yourself well builds self confidence and you'll develop higher self esteem.  You don't take _______ from anyone anymore.  You'll become strong and tough. 

[butterfly1990]

2 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

There is a very moral man out there for you who will share your Christian values.  This is not the end all.  He is worth the wait.  Remain patient because it will pay off.  I admire you for not following the crowd.  Stick to your principles and continue holding your standards high.  You will be glad you did.  I was you back in the day.  I married a great husband and father to our sons,  reside in a peaceful suburb, 🏡  live a very settled life and you too can attain what I have.

Save the explanation and closures for the movies because in real life,  people are abrupt,  selfish,  very self-centered and very much narcissists (lack empathy).  These typical behaviors are prevalent in society.  Grow accustomed to it.  Once you realize how the general public is,  nothing will surprise nor shock you anymore.  😒  Actually being wary and jaded is a positive trait because it means you've become realistic about people and accept their typical unsavory behaviors.  Even though you don't like it,  accept their flippant,  convenient behavior by considering it as society's "normal." 

Learn to adapt the way of the world.  It doesn't mean you become one of them though to be clear.  Adapt meaning know human nature and instead of becoming angry and disappointed in people,  expect the worst in them and you will be fine.  Should they actually be better than you expected,  this is the time to appreciate them if they've exceeded your original expectations.  When you change your mindset to this tack,  you will be better prepared for anything.  Being numb is a positive trait to have.  Your mind becomes even keeled and you adjust easily with however way people behave.

I'm sensitive, too.  I too am a product of domestic violence including observing my father beat up my mother.  😡 😭 

You have a healthy attitude regarding moving on.  Focus on yourself,  take good care of your health,  surround yourself with very moral people,  be interested in whatever brings you joy (intellect / hobbies / pastimes or whatever) and you will attract like minded people.  Since you're a Christian,  fellowship with your brethren,  belong to ministries,  attend Bible study groups and be within your comfort zone who think and write like you.  Be with a Christian man who believes and practices the same tenets. 

I've found the best way for moving on with your own closure is to take good care of yourself.  Don't neglect yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  When you love yourself,  you respect yourself.  When you respect yourself,  you think more clearly.  You'll become steadfast,  unwavering and absolute.  When you're clear headed,  the light turns on and you grow wiser.  Focus on self care.  Pamper yourself.  Treat yourself as if you matter.  Treating yourself well builds self confidence and you'll develop higher self esteem.  You don't take _______ from anyone anymore.  You'll become strong and tough. 

Thank you very much for your great advice on how to get closure and moving on ✨️ Yes, I realize I need to lower my expectations and adapt. Thank you for sharing your story and that's terrible what happened to you as a child...I went through the same too as a child and adult unfortunately 😔 I will continue to hold my standards, associate with like-minded people, and believe in God no matter how lonely it gets and be patient 🙂