Am i the problem

[Boo12]

25f dating 30m am i the problem? 

Alright so ive been having a hard time debating on staying/leaving. Me and my boyfriend met about lets say …. 7ish months ago on a dating app. Instantly connected. However at first he told me he wasnt a relationship guy and didnt want one, which i was fine with and we remained friends/fwb. Bf just turned 30. Has no car or license and was living with his cousin when we met. I lived alone in an apartment. Well, times are tough i know. I left the apartment and moved into a camper in my parents yard. Im a single mom and i just couldnt afford it anymore. When i moved he stopped talking to me for a bit. To me it almost felt like he was just using me for a place to be away from his cousins and since i moved to my parents in a camper, i felt i was no use to him anymore. I brought this up, and this is when we started dating and he moved into the camper with me. He works, but its under the table with family. So its not much. I work from home and make 1100 every two weeks. He makes about 300 every week. He seems to be perfectly set in his life. No goals to get more money besides hoping for a raise from a family member. I go and spend all night doing doordash by myself to try to make ends meet. When i finally get a good bit he will ask how i did and then say stuff like oh nice lets go eat or oh nice i can roll another blunt then. Its like hes taking advantage of me. Ive brought this up and he did start helping with groceries and things like that and he gives me $100 when he gets paid every week. I feel terrible bc ik times are hard right now. Ik everyones going through it but i want so much more for my life and my son than a camper. He says he wants to move. He wants to get a place but how can we do this when i am the only one hustling? He doesnt have a license due to a surgery. But he could get it again he just has to redo the tests. Its almost like hes afraid. I really just dont know what to do. 

Im not attracted really. But im not attracted to anyone at all. I have sexual phases and asexual phases and he respects that but i feel like im just leading him on. 

I was in a 7 year relationship with my childs father. It was rough, toxic, and very crazy so im not sure if im just pushing away a good guy, or if these are red flags. Am i the problem?

Any help is appreciated. 

[Tinydance]

Well you aren't the problem as such but I'm also not sure if maybe you have unrealistic expectations of this guy. For some reason you both seem to be looking to each other as a "savior" to get you out of your financial rut. And I'm not saying that to be rude but I think you basically admitted yourself that you are in a financial rut.

Your boyfriend does sound like he's got no ambition or life plans. But on the other hand, he's not actually your son's father and he's taken on a small child as his step child. And even if technically it's you looking after your son and not him, living in a camper is very cramped. Kids have so much energy and they have temper tantrums.  So I'm sure it's not actually that easy for your boyfriend. Especially as it's not even his child.

Also, you'd be a single mother living in a camper van regardless so I don't really understand why it almost sounds like you're blaming your boyfriend for your situation. Also unless his cousin kicked him out, why do you think he's taking advantage of you? If he lived in an actual house or apartment with his cousin, living in a camper van is a big downgrade. And you said now he's giving you $100 every week, so it's like he's giving you rent. It's not like he's living there completely for free. 

If you're not really attracted to him and he's attracted to you, I'd say that's not actually fair. Regardless of anything but people deserve to be with someone who is attracted to them and wants to have sex with them.

[smackie9]

Girl you need to stop the hustle to find a man give you a stable future for you and your child. This sort of thing can put you and your child in harms way. This guy is not a healthy example for your child. Yes this is just another bad decision and this guy needs to go.

Why are you not getting child support?? Have you even tried to go to the courts? Why is it your parents are putting you into a camper? There is no way I would let my daughter and grandchild live in such conditions. Is your relationship with them strained because of your ex?

MOM talk: The only person you need to depend on is you. You need to get this figured out and get your life on track. There are social government programs that can help you. You might even be eligible to get money to get an education so you can have a good financial future. Just have to start asking for help in the right places. You can start with getting a social worker.

[SophiaG]

He told you upfront he’s not a relationship guy. You’re not attracted to him. You feel he’s using you. Why bother? This is not even considering that he’s not hardworking or frugal (qualities you clearly value), has no license or his own place, no formal job or career, no ambition or purpose in life. Does he have any good qualities? Do you even like him as a person? If you need a partner or a father figure for your child this is not it. I’d move on and find someone on the same maturity level as you.

[Kwothe28]

No offence, but single moms with the kid who live in the trailer dont exactly attract men who would want to provide for them. Sincerely, man who grew up with single mom. And I would say to you exactly what my late mom said to her friend whos husband left her and their kid, and who was(and still is) in the search of the provider. And that is that you can only depend on yourself. To stop searching for somebody to get you out and focus on raising the kid. Do 2 jobs if you have to but provide for you and kid by yourself. That is the only way you will get out of this.

Also, the guy is a bum. And you shouldnt associate yourself with him at all.