Husband thinks that because he provides financially he doesn’t need to do anythi

[Breez]

Me and my husband have had this issued for as long as i can remember. We’ve been together for 9 years, married for 6. Im a stay at home mom of 2 young kids, but I still do work 2 days a week. I’m the one that takes care of our kids 90% of the time. I clean, I cook, I do the laundry. All household chores. If I don’t do it, it just simply doesn’t get done and he will get upset saying that since I’m home I should be the one taking care of all of these things. Which is understandable. But what gets me is that he doesn’t do anything for me personally. And when I bring it up, he says that he pays for our house that we live in. And that that should be enough. And basically that I’m ungrateful. Another example is that he’ll ask me to rub his back. And if I give him a hard time and don’t just agree and get right to it he gets mad. And for me it’s just like when’s the last time someone’s ever done something for me??? I guess my question is how to address his comment of “well I pay for this house, so that should be enough”. Im just burnt out. And anytime I bring it up he just gets defensive and doesn’t see my side of things

[Coily]

My first question in these sort of situations is: What does he do for work?

I don't think it's right for him to just throw "I pay for everything, that's enough" in your face and walk away in a huff.  Though I have noticed that when it comes to these sorts of conversations, it's often born out of building resentment, not solution finding. While understandable, it often means the conversations just feel like attacks.

I would suggest, even if difficult, to approach things more from a "I love it when you do X for me." Express your thankfulness for what he does beyond just providing the roof. Nothing gets better results than people motivated to make someone else happy.

Far too often people (and I have been guilty of this) get into a routine where the unspoken gratitude evolves into unspoken resentment. So you may be frustrated by his lack of being proactive around the house, and he views you as being ungrateful for the hard work he has done.

Approach this as a team, not opposition. Best of luck.

[shouldhavelearned]

Communication 

Both adults need things

 

[AuthenticSelf]

Since I don't know much about your life and stuff so saying anything negative about him is not a good idea. 

To be honest, you married to him so there was something good about him as well. 

So, just to clarify, what result are you looking for in this case?