Getting back on track

[arani]

When I look back on past two or three years, most of the time I was in a bad mood and had low confidence and I have made some unreasonable decisions. For example, I rejected internship I was offered in a really good company because I didn't really like the position. Now I can't find any internship or job and can't stop thinking about it. I should have accepted it, I would gain some experience and meet some new people, gain connections.

I also struggled with my studies, I prolonged it and now I am 25 and still a student. Hopefully I am going to finish it in a few months, but I am worried it no one will want to hire me because I studied longer.

I also distanced myself from some people because I felt overwhelmed, and I missed some chances for meeting new people. Now I have only a few friends I see from time to time and they are busy with their lives.

I am in better mood now and I have more confidence now, but I feel I like I almost ruined my life and I am dealing with regret. I am thinking - was I crazy when I was acting like that?? How to stop thinking about past and get back on track? Thank you.

[ShySoul]

Forgive and forget, relive and regret.

The more you focus on these things and thinking you made mistakes and almost ruined your life, the more you will come to believe you have. The more you will regret your actions and feel bad about them. And the more you will beat yourself up over it and live in a constant cycle of negative thoughts that do nothing but make you fee worse. 

Forgive yourself and realize it's never to late to make things right or do better. Focus on the here and now and what you can be doing instead to make the present the best it can be.

Reframe these things in your mind:

The internship wasn't right for you at that time. It may seem like a good opportunity now, but you could have taken it and ended up hating it. There's no way to know. I've taken a job that seemed great on the surface, but shortly after starting realized it wasn't the great thing I thought it would be.

Plenty of people prolong their studies, taking time off. Plenty of people go back to school years later. I didn't find work until a year after I graduated. I needed that time off for myself. But there were companies that were interested and I did get hired. The right company will be fine with it as long as you have the necessary skills and are a good fit.

If you distanced yourself from people, there was a reason. You needed the space for you own well being. If you want to speak to them again, reach out. And there is nothing wrong with only having a few friends. It's fine if friends don't see each other often. Friend can mean many different things. Figure out what it means for you, and strive to have that, even if it's only with one person.

[TeeDee]

You recognize that you can't change the past & you make a decision to do better going forward.  

Add some kind of volunteer work on your resume now to show you are industrious.  Get your resume polished up & make a point to send out 5-10 applications per day until you get a job 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, TeeDee said:

You recognize that you can't change the past & you make a decision to do better going forward.  

Add some kind of volunteer work on your resume now to show you are industrious.  Get your resume polished up & make a point to send out 5-10 applications per day until you get a job 

Great ideas.  When I was your age I made excellent academic and professional decisions and not so excellent relationship decisions which led to me not reaching my personal goals of marriage and family until my early 40s - part of that wasn't my doing but part of it was me getting in my own way and not becoming the right person to find the right person.  I certainly risked not attaining motherhood at least not biologically - and I regret all the emotional stress I had to go through with a high risk pregnancy -but I also give myself grace -I don't wonder -what if I'd married earlier/had more than one child/not wasted all those years with Mr. Right for Now? But that's - soul destroying after awhile -that impedes living in the present and planning for the future. 

I'm 58 now.  I took the long way around and believe me I have been judged for that and judged myself for that but the negative energy is --- negative.  Increases tummy aches and headaches. I am not pollyannish or one to rationalize but there are really really awesome results from the mistakes I made - I can remind myself of that - I did meet the right person and was the right person to meet the right person and I didn't settle. We do have an awesome son who is so smart because he knows how annoying we are and knows that annoying is part of the parental job description.  

I like the idea of you volunteering and perhaps mentoring young people -as a parent, helping my son make so many different decisions being there as a guide, a facilitator -it turns a mirror on me as far as how to support him so he doesn't beat himself up for a choice that turns out not to be the best choice.  Therefore I have to learn to be supportive to myself in the same way- if you mentor people - that may happen for you too.

So yes each day you count your blessings -attitude is gratitude -and do stuff like the advice above or other things that float your boat and keep on keep on. Even tiny baby steps count a lot.  Good luck to you!

[shouldhavelearned]

Keep on keeping on

Try not to think about the past and think about the future.

[yogacat]

I chose to go back to school later in life and I was just hired with another company just offering me another job. Sounds like doors are/still opening for you, the best is yet to come. Don't be so hard on yourself. The past is just that...don’t live there anymore. 

Can you volunteer? I did tons of volunteering and that got me some great connects.

Also simply ask yourself what, right now, what would you like to do? Small steps-> volunteering , looking up companies you might be interested in. 

Envision a large goal and then break it down into manageable small goals so you can start building your confidence and start achieving successes.

One thing I regret is not accepting an offer to a radiology program that I was accepted into because I couldn't manage the 70 hour week course load while working and caregiving. So, I chose a different educational path.  Now while I am at a different place then I thought my path might have taken me, I now can pick up and continue my original path.  Yes, you are 25 and so you are afforded many opportunities to expand you education and career.  But if all your life you choose the most direct path, you will never discover the complete person you could have been.