Looking for advice on seeking an age gap relationship

[LimitedCircumstances]

27M/6'2"/340lbs here and I'm working with limited personal time to seek out any possible connections with an older woman, I've always had an attraction to women of 40+ and want to explore it further, but with my current situation of having to drive family to dialysis three times a week, one hour travel there...4 hours waiting...one hour travel back, and also expected to be nearby just in case of my father falling (lost his foot to diabetes over a year ago), it's been difficult to try and pursue any type of relationship/situationship. Well, I'd say I'm not actively seeking a relationship but a young guy like myself, I wanna have some fun and see if anything goes anywhere. The town where I spend a lot of time waiting during dialysis, has a local Legion, a golf course, some shops and not very much else in terms of places to hang out. I've spent a good amount of time at the legion, made some friends and chat with people, nothing in terms of a connection though. I've been driving them to dialysis for about 4-5 years now, stopped keeping track after the first two years and I'm set in schedule so much now that I'd be honestly confused with what to do with my time if I didn't have to drive dialysis. Any advice would be appreciated, and for context, I don't have any money to pay for dating sites or anything like that, plus I live in a rural community so there's not a good chance of having a good amount of users in my area. 

[Seraphim]

This is an advice site , not a dating app. 

[LimitedCircumstances]

53 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

This is an advice site , not a dating app. 

Yeah, I'm looking for any advice on how to go about this. This isn't a personal ad, but thanks for the reminder. 

[Andrina]

That leaves four days of the week when you do what? Do you work on any of those days? If so, how many hours per day/week do you work? If you don't have enough money for a dating site, and you live in a rural community, it means you'd have to go to the nearest busy city to treat a lady to an occasional meal and activity, etc. Do you have the gas money, time, event money to do this?

[Batya33]

43 minutes ago, Andrina said:

That leaves four days of the week when you do what? Do you work on any of those days? If so, how many hours per day/week do you work? If you don't have enough money for a dating site, and you live in a rural community, it means you'd have to go to the nearest busy city to treat a lady to an occasional meal and activity, etc. Do you have the gas money, time, event money to do this?

Good points.  Would your parents be open to hiring someone for most or part of the time this is taking out of  your schedule? Is your attraction focused on sexual/physical appeal? I'd look into learning to play pickleball - that attracts older people. Also it sounds like you are quite overweight.  Are you in good health?

[Cherylyn]

You're extremely busy with shuttling family to very time consuming dialysis appointments and expected to be nearby should emergencies arise due to your father's diabetes.  I'm sorry for everyone's hardship.

You're attracted to women 40+.  Imagine yourself repeating what you're experiencing now with an older woman who could very well eventually succumb to all sorts of age related or genetic ills.  You will repeat what you're doing now with caretaker duties,  chauffeuring duties,  many long hours in the waiting room and you will have no life of your own.  

Remain practical and realistic regarding your situation,  limited time and energy constraints.  Work with your situation and go from there. 

Foresee the outcome before setting yourself up for negative scenarios. 

In the meantime,  focus on improving your health for longevity and higher quality life so you won't end up requiring preventable medical care. 

 

[Batya33]

I got married and had our son at 42.  I went back to my slim fit body within 5 months after birth.  I am 58 now and I am more fit that I was in my 30s for sure.  I know many women in my 40s and 50s like me which is why I asked if the OP was in good health since it seems he is very overweight for his height.  And at such a young age.

[LimitedCircumstances]

42 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I got married and had our son at 42.  I went back to my slim fit body within 5 months after birth.  I am 58 now and I am more fit that I was in my 30s for sure.  I know many women in my 40s and 50s like me which is why I asked if the OP was in good health since it seems he is very overweight for his height.  And at such a young age.

Working on it, down a substantial amount and continuously decreasing. Had issues of anxiety around doctors and avoided them for a long time, but turns out *surprise surprise* I've got anxiety and ADHD, meds have helped with those tremendously and I'm now able to work on myself without the mental boxing match with myself like before. 

[LimitedCircumstances]

52 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

You're extremely busy with shuttling family to very time consuming dialysis appointments and expected to be nearby should emergencies arise due to your father's diabetes.  I'm sorry for everyone's hardship.

You're attracted to women 40+.  Imagine yourself repeating what you're experiencing now with an older woman who could very well eventually succumb to all sorts of age related or genetic ills.  You will repeat what you're doing now with caretaker duties,  chauffeuring duties,  many long hours in the waiting room and you will have no life of your own.  

Remain practical and realistic regarding your situation,  limited time and energy constraints.  Work with your situation and go from there. 

Foresee the outcome before setting yourself up for negative scenarios. 

In the meantime,  focus on improving your health for longevity and higher quality life so you won't end up requiring preventable medical care. 

 

Yes, that is very true and I hadn't thought of that. But that's assuming we kick it off leading to something serious. I'm 350 and decreasing, working on my health. I've got a good amount of muscle on me which add to the weight but I'm still looking to go down 100lbs minimum before I think about a dead set goal weight. 

[Tinydance]

What is the situation of receiving any government allowance for your father as an elderly and/or sick person? I'm not sure what your father can get in regards to government benefits. We are very lucky here in Australia that if someone has an ongoing medical condition, disability, or are over 65 years old, they can usually get free government assistance. Like, they can get a paid carer who will look after them but it's the government who pays for it. Is your father eligible for something like that? Are you working or are you on some kind of government benefits because you're your father's carer?

If there is anything available in regards to hiring a carer for your father, I would probably do that. I'm not sure if you're working but to be honest I think what would make you more appealing to women is if you had a job and more free time. But of course if you can't get any government assistance and it's only you who can look after your Dad, I totally understand that.

You mentioned that you don't necessarily want an actual relationship but you want some "fun". In that sense I don't even think that paying for dating sites is necessary because paid dating sites are for people who want something very serious. That's why they're willing to pay and make sure they find good quality matches. If you mostly want some fun then I'd recommend using more like hookup sites like Tinder. I'm nearly 40 and from what I noticed, I actually don't think women 40 + would want to seriously date a guy in his 20's. But they may be open to something casual. But again I'm not sure, maybe some might want a relationship if the guy is mature.

[LimitedCircumstances]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

That leaves four days of the week when you do what? Do you work on any of those days? If so, how many hours per day/week do you work? If you don't have enough money for a dating site, and you live in a rural community, it means you'd have to go to the nearest busy city to treat a lady to an occasional meal and activity, etc. Do you have the gas money, time, event money to do this?

3 days dialysis, 1 day driving my dad to physio therapy, other Days could be free or filled with driving them to health appointments. I've been unemployed for the last several years, trying to juggle work with everything else was just driving my mental health into the dirt. 

[LimitedCircumstances]

3 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

What is the situation of receiving any government allowance for your father as an elderly and/or sick person? I'm not sure what your father can get in regards to government benefits. We are very lucky here in Australia that if someone has an ongoing medical condition, disability, or are over 65 years old, they can usually get free government assistance. Like, they can get a paid carer who will look after them but it's the government who pays for it. Is your father eligible for something like that? Are you working or are you on some kind of government benefits because you're your father's carer?

If there is anything available in regards to hiring a carer for your father, I would probably do that. I'm not sure if you're working but to be honest I think what would make you more appealing to women is if you had a job and more free time. But of course if you can't get any government assistance and it's only you who can look after your Dad, I totally understand that.

You mentioned that you don't necessarily want an actual relationship but you want some "fun". In that sense I don't even think that paying for dating sites is necessary because paid dating sites are for people who want something very serious. That's why they're willing to pay and make sure they find good quality matches. If you mostly want some fun then I'd recommend using more like hookup sites like Tinder. I'm nearly 40 and from what I noticed, I actually don't think women 40 + would want to seriously date a guy in his 20's. But they may be open to something casual. But again I'm not sure, maybe some might want a relationship if the guy is mature.

Assistance isn't an option, looked into it and the household makes just a bit above the maximum amount allowed to qualify for assistance. I'm on welfare, which is fine, I'm not exactly able to afford much in terms of wants rather than needs. 

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, LimitedCircumstances said:

3 days dialysis, 1 day driving my dad to physio therapy, other Days could be free or filled with driving them to health appointments. I've been unemployed for the last several years, trying to juggle work with everything else was just driving my mental health into the dirt. 

That's really nice you take care of your Dad but do you have any other options of other people helping you do this? Why is it only you that does this? I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. If you live with your Dad, don't work/study and most of your days are taking care of your Dad, I don't think you sound that appealing as a partner. I'm sorry to be blunt but I just want to be honest because you wanted some constructive advice. Personally I would want a partner who's interesting, in the sense they have hobbies and interests, they do something in life like work or study. If your only identity is you take care of your father then while I think that's really lovely but it's kind of one dimensional. I think you need to create a more "you" persona where you also have a life of your own.

[Batya33]

I think you're looking for a unicorn -an older woman who would be interesting in paying for dates with a younger man in poor health who is unemployed.  And who would accommodate your schedule in caring for your parents. I'd focus on working on your health, finding employment and saving $.  You took a really good step as far as treating your mental health issues. Keep it up!

[Cherylyn]

31 minutes ago, LimitedCircumstances said:

Yes, that is very true and I hadn't thought of that. But that's assuming we kick it off leading to something serious. I'm 350 and decreasing, working on my health. I've got a good amount of muscle on me which add to the weight but I'm still looking to go down 100lbs minimum before I think about a dead set goal weight. 

Even if it isn't serious,  you're from different generations which isn't relatable. 

As for your health,  take care of yourself if you want to live a longer life and if you want to avoid and prevent health catastrophes as years go by.  Think of your heart health and blood tests.  If you want a higher quality life,  start with focusing on your health first. 

[Andrina]

That's quite a lot to expect of one's grown child. Or did you find this the sort of easy way out when you had your anxiety issue, that it was less stressful than being in the work world?

You need to speak to your Dad about lessening your tasks. There are some communities where people volunteer to drive cancer patients, and others needing rides to medical appointments. If a volunteer will be using your Dad's car and gas, this is a possibility. Does he belong to a church or a veteran's club? That might be a place where one or more volunteers could step up and give you a break.

You really need to get into the work world again. Perhaps your Dad can afford a CNA part time. Contact Elder Services agencies in the area. Benefits might exit you're not aware of.