Husband Codependency to DIL Approval on Everything

[Jane11.11]

Basically, My (F32) husband (M37) is already dragged in the longest new business planning with his partner (M37). It was supposed to be between the both of them, with me helping the financial and operational advisory (as part of my husband's). 

Husband has been living with his parents all his life (as he is the sole breadwinner of the family); while his father used to have a quite successful business which didn't turn out well due to his inadequacy in managing finance (so I personally have a lot of contraopinion in many of his business advise), which resulted my husband to stepped out and provided for the family ever since he graduated from college.

To be completely fair, DIL is a very responsible father, but overbearing from my angle with his patronizing "I know better" approach in everything. Since I came from a more established financial background from my own family, I honestly looked down in a lot of DIL's business POV, strategy, and analysis because of his limited background and entrepreneurship experience. This might create bias from my end as well.

Recently, because Husband has such an intense relationship with his DIL, he can't keep his mouth shut from the recent business plan we have been discussed and aligned with his business partner, when DIL was poking his nose on another conversation between him and BIL (BIL is a successfull enterpreneur, in contrary of his Dad, he did build his business from scratch together with his wife) in a family dinner. I always see BIL as more of the rebel between the family, and have a respectful light to him because of his accomplisment; because he managed to fight the tide and make it happened.

Even though this is not my own joint business and I was entirely in for support as a spouse, I felt so betrayed by this over-sharing, which only resulted in a lot of negative remarks of the plan made by DIL. I also felt this move only signify my sentiment that Husband is a papa-boy, and it annoyed me deeply as I am a first daughter, and a dominant one in my own upbringing. I rarely share details of such business plan from my own family.

I have made my comment that the decision wasn't wise, in which my husband was reacting in the most defensive way. Before he mentioned this plan to DIL, the timeline has stretched far, and now he second thought the plan again. He argued that he thinks it's important to gain as much more insight as possible (as the industry of the business we've been planned was a related industry, even though the market segment has changed in the past 20 years and my DIL wasn't even understand the way the digitalization changed the market landscape already), and yet the final output is just another unheard delay. I also was concern that this behaviour will keep recurring and repeating in the future because Husband is so lack of boundaries. 

Am I the *** of the story? I have been reconsidering to pull out my participation in any of this business voyage to keep some sense of sanity since I only can stand my in-laws half of the time, and they have been stucking their nose in many occasions including our own life choice (we are pretty "progressive" in managing household in which homechore was assigned to both of us, while his parents prefer a more "conservative" approach to hold some cultural root, even though I financially and non-financially contribute to this household, in which their visit have been overstayed my welcome); and instead want to focus on my personal project as it brings me more peace and sense of accomplishment.

Would love to hear some advice on this.

[Batya33]

Why did you marry him if it seems you have little respect let alone admiration for him as a person and a businessman? You have to be "fair" to praise him as a father?

[TeeDee]

I would get out of the family business.  See them socially & ignore all the bad financial advice.  You do what is right for your family & let DH lose his shirt.