Living with someone who don't like me, let alone love me

[justwantpeace]

When my partner of 4 years asked me out, I said "no.." but i made the mistake not walking away. We have absolutely nothing in common and I still don't know why she asked me out. Now we have a soon-to-be 1 year old baby girl and I regret my weakness every single day.

Now I know (and she knows too), the relationship is doomed. I am in there for the baby mainly; not sure what is she in there for since she has said she and the baby don't need me (but didn't kick me out and the few times she did, she walks back on her words). We sleep in separate rooms. We don't have intimacy or so. We talk about work only.

Yet for some reason, I find myself still appreciating her smartness which was the pretty much the only thing I loved about her on day one and still do. I also found her attractive physically but she hates everything that I am. I don't want to leave because I want to be there for my baby who enjoy and leaving includes me living the country (we moved to her home country). I am a little confused why over the years, our differences grew, our fights increased but I continue to like her and sometimes wonder if I love her or I am addicted to something.

Anyone in my shoes?

 

[WendyT]

Yes, there's plenty of people in yours shoes! I am one of those people.

People remain in relationsips for many reasons and not all relative to love. Children are a massive factor in that, as well as financial impacts. Many people, including myself, believe a family unit should remain for the sake of the children having a stable home, however, the argument is - if you're not happy/satisfied/loved/fulfilled in that relationship this will be a complete waste of your life, you only get one.

How long have you felt like this? And why does she hate everything you are? Has she said that to you?

You can still be there for your baby wherever you are - but again, i understand it is not the same if you're not in the same household. However, surely your baby would thrive more having two happy separate parents rather than two miserable ones ?

Only other option is to stay together until your daughter is of age where she no longer depends so greatly on you both - or goes to uni/moves out etc etc...

I totally understand your situation but accept that either way is not going to be easy. 

[Batya33]

My strong opinion is for the best interests of your child find a way to co-parent in a peaceful and compatible way and do not be involved romantically.  You made a mistake in settling but for the benefit of your child that is what  I would do ASAP.

[TeeDee]

Are you married?  if so you will need lawyers

What do you want?  Do you want to rekindle a romance?  If so, have you asked her what she wants?  What have you done for her lately?  

Have you two talked about your situation?  Can you do that without fighting? 

You do not have to live with your child or baby mamma in order to be a good Dad.  All you need to do is pay child support & spend time with your daughter.