I'm in love with my best friend

[phantmkitty]

I am in love with my best friend. I have no idea how to tell him, we're friends online but we've known each other for two years now. We've kind of tried dating before but it didn't work out. This time though, I know my feelings are true, and if it did happen I would be ready. I just don't know how to approach the situation or how to tell him. Im usually pretty straightforward but for some reason I get sick to my stomach when I try to approach the subject. So, I really just need some advice on what to do, I've never been one to confess my romantic feelings to anyone.

[Batya33]

No need to confess -make a plan to meet in person in a safe public place where you take your own transportation and if the first meet goes well then plan an actual date - if he is interested in dating you he will be excited to meet in person.  If you cannot meet in person for some reason I'd create distance from him unless you want to hear about how he meets the person he wants to be with etc. I don't think confessing feelings is the answer. And obviously you cannot date someone you've never met -a date is an in person situation.

[TeeDee]

4 hours ago, phantmkitty said:

 We've kind of tried dating before but it didn't work out. 

I've never been one to confess my romantic feelings to anyone.

If you tried dating before but it didn't work out, what changed now?  That's not an easy thing to come back from. I'm surprised the friendship survived.  Usually when somebody gets rejected like that the friendship crumbles too. 

Do not confess.  Confessions out of the blue are rarely well received.  They are simply too random.  

This is also a conversation best had in person.  You say you are "friends on line" and have "known each other for 2 years".  If you haven't met in person you don't know each other. All you know is who you think the other person is.  You can't love somebody you don't know.  

[SophiaG]

5 hours ago, phantmkitty said:

This time though, I know my feelings are true, and if it did happen I would be ready.

How do you know this? Why did it not work out before?

[phantmkitty]

9 hours ago, SophiaG said:

How do you know this? Why did it not work out before?

before i was severely depressed and I wasn't ready for a relationship, we ended on good terms! He understood and didnt push it, but I've thought it over for maybe 6 months now? I really want to try again

[phantmkitty]

10 hours ago, TeeDee said:

If you tried dating before but it didn't work out, what changed now?  That's not an easy thing to come back from. I'm surprised the friendship survived.  Usually when somebody gets rejected like that the friendship crumbles too. 

Do not confess.  Confessions out of the blue are rarely well received.  They are simply too random.  

This is also a conversation best had in person.  You say you are "friends on line" and have "known each other for 2 years".  If you haven't met in person you don't know each other. All you know is who you think the other person is.  You can't love somebody you don't know.  

i disagree.. you can know a lot about someone when you exchange information with each other because thats how works when you know someone in person too

[Batya33]

24 minutes ago, phantmkitty said:

i disagree.. you can know a lot about someone when you exchange information with each other because thats how works when you know someone in person too

Yes but not when it comes to dating to pursue a romantic relationship.  Friendship for sure -even best friends!.  Dating for a romantic relationship requires in person  and hopefully on a regular basis. You cannot date someone virtually or be in a romantic relationship virtually. You can have romantic feelings but you are not in a romantic relationship with someone you've never met in person and do not see in person.

[ShySoul]

6 hours ago, phantmkitty said:

i disagree.. you can know a lot about someone when you exchange information with each other because thats how works when you know someone in person too

I agree. In person and online are not as far apart as people want to make it out to be. You can have all the same joys and all the same risks. You can grow just as close. For some people, it can be easier and you can open up more. Its all the same feelings involved, and relationships are about those feelings. If you have known each other for two years, that is plenty of time to develop a friendship and even romantic feelings. Those feelings and that time is just as valid and real as anything in person.

There are also people who date and have romantic relationships entirely online. I knew one couple on this very site once. I was just reading stories of couples who had online relationships for up to three years before meeting in person. And a few of those stories ended in marriage. 

I have meet multiple women online and feelings developed before we ever met in person. And even when we did meet in person, distance and schedules kept most of the interactions online. Didn't mean what we had was any less real or important to us.

One of those women was someone I thought of as my best friend. We shared so much and related so well with each other. I was scared to open myself to her, especially when I had been hurt by someone else recently. Finally I just had to say it. I couldn't keep it in or hide how I felt. It was hurting to much not to speak, so I did. And she felt the same. And we remain friends to this day.

Be honest with him. Don't be afraid to say how you feel. If you don't say anything, you will never know what could happen and you'll suffer a broken heart anyway from lack of trying. Just getting it out there will be a relief. Hopefully he will share your feelings and you can see what happens. But even if he doesn't you will know for sure and can work through your feelings from there.

Loving your best friend can be complicated and anxiety inducing. But it can also be the most amazing experience ever. I hope you can do this and feel just how great it is. If you need any further tips or a vote of confidence, I'm cheering you on.

 

[phantmkitty]

On 9/26/2024 at 12:52 AM, ShySoul said:

I agree. In person and online are not as far apart as people want to make it out to be. You can have all the same joys and all the same risks. You can grow just as close. For some people, it can be easier and you can open up more. Its all the same feelings involved, and relationships are about those feelings. If you have known each other for two years, that is plenty of time to develop a friendship and even romantic feelings. Those feelings and that time is just as valid and real as anything in person.

There are also people who date and have romantic relationships entirely online. I knew one couple on this very site once. I was just reading stories of couples who had online relationships for up to three years before meeting in person. And a few of those stories ended in marriage. 

I have meet multiple women online and feelings developed before we ever met in person. And even when we did meet in person, distance and schedules kept most of the interactions online. Didn't mean what we had was any less real or important to us.

One of those women was someone I thought of as my best friend. We shared so much and related so well with each other. I was scared to open myself to her, especially when I had been hurt by someone else recently. Finally I just had to say it. I couldn't keep it in or hide how I felt. It was hurting to much not to speak, so I did. And she felt the same. And we remain friends to this day.

Be honest with him. Don't be afraid to say how you feel. If you don't say anything, you will never know what could happen and you'll suffer a broken heart anyway from lack of trying. Just getting it out there will be a relief. Hopefully he will share your feelings and you can see what happens. But even if he doesn't you will know for sure and can work through your feelings from there.

Loving your best friend can be complicated and anxiety inducing. But it can also be the most amazing experience ever. I hope you can do this and feel just how great it is. If you need any further tips or a vote of confidence, I'm cheering you on.

 

THANK YOU!!! you're response is just so well put together and honestly calmed me down quite a bit, I'll definitely tell him very soon, from what i have picked up, i really think he might say yes so thank you again!!!! this boosted my confidence so much!