Im unsure what to do about my relationship.

[cherryb0mb]

okay so I'm a 22yr (F) and i have been with my boyfriend for around 2 years. We have been doing long distance from the start but I do meet him every 3 months. Our relationship was amazing we were very compatible and he really understood me. i loved him dearly until one and a half year into our relationship he just changed. Suddenly he had a problem with me wearing shorts and going to college or to meet my friends. So let me tell you about myself first I'm really introverted, and i just have 2 friends who I hangout with and I'm really uncomfortable around other guys so I don't have any guy friends nor do I approach them or they approach me and I'm very content with how i am since I always figured any guy i date would also really like that about me since he won't have to worry about me cheating or anything. Also i rarely dress up for college just a normal oversized tee and shorts or jeans like i rarely every very sleeveless and don't wear anything deep neck. But suddenly he has a problem with it. He wants me to go fully covered from top to bottom and wear no makeup cuz 'who am I impressing' apparently. And honestly I never gave him a reason to doubt me cause as i said I pretty much avoid guys and i don't have any guy friends but suddenly he just doubts me for everything. He'll question me if I called any guy home or if I spoke to any guy and I always reassured him i didnt. but honestly even if I did speak to any guy how is it a problem? He has a lot of girl friends yet I never doubt him. Slowly he started getting worse, everytime we video called he wanted me to show him the whole house so he can see if anyone is there other than me or everytime I step out of the house I need to send him a picture of what I'm wearing, where I'm going etc etc. It really got unbearable but I still stayed cause I loved him. I stopped wearing shorts and anything he thought was revealing but he still wasn't satisfied. He wanted me to stop shaving my body hair, stop doing any skincare or shape my nails because who am I doing it for if he's not there? but I just did it for myself idk what the problem is. Literally when we were together, one of his friends waved at me to say bye and I'm really awkward so I just smiled back at him and he fought with me for that cuz why am I smiling at other guys and it was his own friend!! I really love him but how can he be so insecure when i haven't given him a reason to. He made me stop hanging out with my friends stop going for any parties (which literally includes only my few friends) or dressing up. Recently I bought a vibrator and again he got upset with me for it cause it comes on his ego that I need a toy instead of him. Like we are doing long distance, we don't live together even when we meet we don't get alot of times to actually be physical. Idk what the problem is if I use something for my own pleasure atleast I'm not going and ***ing around with someone else. I spoke to him about it but it just turns into an argument. I'm so tired. I really thought this guy is the one but he just faked being a gentleman in the start and made me fall for him and now he's a completely different person. I even introduced him to my parents I'm so stupid. I need to leave ik but I'm just so attached. I relied on him emotionally alot and now I feel so lost  Any advice guys??!!?

[TeeDee]

Dump his insecure controlling butt immediately.  

[cherryb0mb]

ikr he's everything bad you would want in a guy 😭 

[DarkCh0c0]

Well, you date someone to get to know them and figure out if your values and lifestyle match.

They don't.

And because you see him only once every 3 months, it took you time to truly unravel his character and his toxic possessive treatment of you.

6 hours ago, cherryb0mb said:

need to leave ik but I'm just so attached

This is normal. We love and un-love a lot of people in our lives. He's your first boyfriend, so I understand you might also feel more scared than usual to pull the trigger.

But understand that dating him has helped you see him more clearly and realize that he's not "the one" you thought he was... Or could be. He's just not good for you at all. His actions are all you need to know.

Use your courage and inner strength to let this starter relationship go. You got this. Trust that you can do it when you're ready.

[MissCanuck]

This man has zero respect for you. 

He thinks you are the type to lie and deceive. He thinks you have no moral compass. He thinks you have no dignity, essentially. So he tries to contol and isolate you. 

I can't in good faith suggest anything but to dump him. This is not what love looks like. 

6 hours ago, cherryb0mb said:

how can he be so insecure when i haven't given him a reason to.

Keep in mind that the ones who are the most paranoid about cheating are sometimes projecting their own behaviour - meaning, he might be up to no good when you are not around, so he assumes you act the same way. 

 

[cherryb0mb]

17 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Keep in mind that the ones who are the most paranoid about cheating are sometimes projecting their own behaviour - meaning, he might be up to no good when you are not around, so he assumes you act the same way. 

this is exactly what my friends told me too! Idk how he can treat me like this when he knows how introverted I am. Well, ig he just never knew me 😕

[MissCanuck]

Just now, cherryb0mb said:

Idk how he can treat me like this when he knows how introverted I am 

It's because this isn't really about you - it's about him and his own problems. People like him will always find "reasons" to control, manipulate and isolate their partners.

You could be living in a convent and he'd be upset that you adjusted your habit to get Jesus to check you out. 

[DarkCh0c0]

8 minutes ago, cherryb0mb said:

this is exactly what my friends told me too! Idk how he can treat me like this when he knows how introverted I am. Well, ig he just never knew me 😕

I also think so too.

You see him once every three month, and the rest of the time he's running wild checking out other women and flirting.

It's just who he is. Nothing you can change nor fix. He's who he is. And it's bad news for you.

[smackie9]

 "Suddenly he had a problem" When they do a 180 like that, it means they are cheating or are tempted to cheat. I seriously would call this, him "projecting".  He's cheating/tempted, so he thinks you are feeling or doing the same thing. 

time to cut him loose. This arrangement is no longer working out. 

Mom talk: You are at the prime of your youth! Go out and enjoy your life. Party, make new friends, HAVE FUN. Don't waste your time being tied down with a BF. Be who you want to be, wear everything that makes you feel pretty, etc. 

[cherryb0mb]

13 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You could be living in a convent and he'd be upset that you adjusted your habit to get Jesus to check you out

lmao that doesn't even seem unbelievable at this point. 

[cherryb0mb]

8 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I also think so too.

You see him once every three month, and the rest of the time he's running wild checking out other women and flirting.

It's just who he is. Nothing you can change nor fix. He's who he is. And it's bad news for you.

okay so new update! I broke up with him finally 😭 i feel alright for now but ik it will be hard to let go of the attachment. also next month I'll be going back home (he's from my hometown) ughh I'm gonna have to move on all over again once I go back. but I'm happy atleast I took one step.

Honestly he has done alot of things I could go on. i don't think I can ever trust any guy again after this cuz literally he showed his true colors a year and a half later!! 

Also i finally made plans with my friends to go clubbing this weekend. He never 'allowed' me to go clubbing or parties. But now I'm finally gonna go. Idk why it feels wrong doing it but I need to go 😭 it's my final year in college afterall! But is it really normal to feel guilty for finally doing the things your ex restricted you from doing?

[cherryb0mb]

11 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Mom talk: You are at the prime of your youth! Go out and enjoy your life. Party, make new friends, HAVE FUN. Don't waste your time being tied down with a BF. Be who you want to be, wear everything that makes you feel pretty, etc

I do wanna do all the things he stopped me from doing. I just wanna be me! I just realised I loved him for all he was but he wanted me to be someone who he could love. it's sad really:( 

I'm trying to wear whatever I want but ughh idk he's made me feel so insecure now I just keep feeling everyone's looking at me .

He used to tell me that the reason I wear shorts is cause I like the attention of disgusting men and I like making heads turn. But honestly, women don't even focus on men they just do it for themselves idk why do guys think everything we do is for them that's so lame lol.

 

[Cherylyn]

I'll chime in with others.  He's very controlling.  Dump the chump.  👎 ☹️

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, cherryb0mb said:

i don't think I can ever trust any guy again after this cuz literally he showed his true colors a year and a half later!! 

Don't drag around unhealthy emotional baggage, making other guys pay the price because of what this one guy did. You would've learned this far sooner if you two had dated locally the whole time. That's one of the cons of LDRs. People can hide skeletons in the closet, if any exist, longer, when long distance. You can vette a lot better, more quickly, in close proximity. I'd stick to local dating from now on.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, cherryb0mb said:

okay so new update! I broke up with him finally 😭 i feel alright for now but ik it will be hard to let go of the attachment. also next month I'll be going back home (he's from my hometown) ughh I'm gonna have to move on all over again once I go back. but I'm happy atleast I took one step.

Honestly he has done alot of things I could go on. i don't think I can ever trust any guy again after this cuz literally he showed his true colors a year and a half later!! 

Also i finally made plans with my friends to go clubbing this weekend. He never 'allowed' me to go clubbing or parties. But now I'm finally gonna go. Idk why it feels wrong doing it but I need to go 😭 it's my final year in college afterall! But is it really normal to feel guilty for finally doing the things your ex restricted you from doing?

Did you like how "masculine" or "alpha male" he seemed and did you like telling your friends he wouldn't "allow you" or "like it" if you did X? Feelings are feelings -you cannot control feelings but you are smart to end things despite the conflicting feelings.  Go out and have fun with  your friends.