Cycle of Abuse...

[rainbowsandroses]

Guys I recently watched Ryan Murphy's  "Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story" on Netflix, which is causing quite a stir on SM, my computer nearly crashed yesterday because of it.... but anyway

I'm not here to talk about that as I have mixed feelings about Ryan Murphy's characterization BUT it did prompt me to read and watch legit documentaries and one really good and honest one (imo) was "The Menendez Murders: Erik Tells All."

This was a five part series that went into extremely graphic and quite credible detail told by the brothers, doctors, relatives, teachers, friends etc about the physical and sexual abuse the brothers suffered from both their father Jose AND their mother Kitty since the age of 6! 

Really REALLY horrible stuff, torture really. 

Personally I don't think this justified brutally murdering their parents in the way they did, making it appear like a mob hit and the cover up afterwards BUT I do believe the abuse happened which some people are questioning.

Which is why I am posting this.  The docuseries devoted an entire episode to the cycle of abuse that happens in families going back generations! 

Jose was severely abused by HIS dad.  Jose's dad by HIS dad.   Kitty and her entire family suffered abuse in her/their family, Jose abused Lyle, in turn Lyle abused Erik, Jose began abusing Erik, when does it stop?

It's becomes such an ugly shameful secret that no one wants to talk about it, or seek therapy for it!

So the cycle just continues until tragedy occurs which is actually pretty rare, so it just continues trickling down from generation to generation.  Sigh. 

In fact Jose threatened Erik telling him if he ever told Lyle (by then Jose stopped abusing Lyle) or anyone for that matter, he'd kill him!   And Erik being a young sensitive impressionable child then young adult believed him!

As some of you know my mom abused me growing up (not sexually) but physically and mentally/emotionally and we never discussed it but now I'm thinking SHE was most likely abused herself growing up!

And the cycle continued.

She's gone now but still this really saddens me and also that I was never brave enough to confront her once I became an adult and talk with her about it.

Anyway I think this is an important topic and of course it's all SM is talking about after the Netflix series aired which again I have no comment about.

If you want a more accurate unbiased portrayal, there are many other documentaries and podcasts to watch and listen to. 

Would love to hear your thoughts, thanks! 

 

 

 

[Seraphim]

I am glad to be the last person to be abused in my family and didn’t carry it on.   
 

It ends when someone is brave enough to stand up and end it . 

[ShySoul]

Hurt people, hurt people.

When you are a child you look to your parents and your family for everything. You can't take care of yourself, so you depend on them. There interests and personalities rub off on you as they are are the one you look up to and emulate . Generally it's good or at least neutral. But there can be dark side to that as well. And it can manifest without you even realizing it. 

Dealing with an alcoholic father, I heard the same thing as well. Children of alcoholics are four times as likely to become alcoholics themselves. And I'm sure that applies to all kinds of areas. My best friend still carries the scars of emotional abuse from her mother. So it makes sense that those who are abused choose to abuse others. It's all they know, what they consider normal. History sadly repeats.

My sister and I grew up separately (different mothers). She had her own issues with the parents she grew up with. When I was having issues with my father she advised me to choose to be the inverse of all the darkness I saw. She said to pick a better path and do things differently, do it better. I try to do that, hence why I've never drank alcohol and don't plan to.

Ending the cycle is difficult.  It takes self awareness, strength, and a desire to fight against our worse instincts. But it's possible. And I hope more and more people can find it in them to stop the cycle.

@Seraphim , @rainbowsandroses Glad you were strong enough to break the cycle. I think people who experience such trauma can turn out to be the best people because it helps them to be more aware of the effect a person's actions can have on others. Based on how much I respect both of you, think there might be something to that theory.

 

[Kwothe28]

Not everybody who enters cycle of abuse become an abusers themselves. People response to abuse is different. Some may pull into themselves, some may even accept that kind of behavior, but response differs from people to people. In any case its traumatic experience, but response differs. So cycle may stop with the abuser. Even though consequences of abuse stay. 

My Grandpa was an alcoholic. He stopped at his late age because of health. But when he drank, he was a very violent one. I was very young but my Grandma and my mom suffered from that a lot. It was a different time back then. Now they would probably leave(or just threw him out since it was Grandmas home) but back then, it was looked at differently at that kind of stuff. But "luckily" he settled down later in life and they lived semi-peacefully. 

[tattoobunnie]

My mom tells me it takes 3 generations to break the cycle of criminality, and or abuse.

Couldn't tell you where she got her data from, but I do know my grandma was physically abusive daily with my mom, and she never had a childhood. My mom would hit me, sometimes for just acting my age, or things she wanted to blame me for, but recognized by the time I was 12, I was too old for it.  Recently she ripped a pen out of my head when she was flipping out, and with over two decades of teaching myself to "use my words" even with the gut reaction at times with my kids, I realize I don't want to be her.  I told her that was unacceptable.

I really hated her for close to 60% of my life, but in my 30's, I could see she changed, and so did I.