Does it sound like I’m being played?

[LovelyRoses]

Had a really good month. Worked on myself, deleted the dating apps, feeling really happy and positive.

I’ve been going to the gym since the start of the year and one of the instructors who runs the classes, became friendly with me. We will chat whenever I see him around and he’s a lovely guy, I kinda sensed he was attracted to me 

I’ve been going to his spin classes for the last month. I noticed he put his hand on my hand on the bike a few times , that’s when I realised he was attracted to me which I am flattered by as he’s a very handsome.

The other day before work, I went to a class of his, and at the end of the class he said ‘can I chat to you afterwards if you hang around?’

We had a very lovely conversation and he said ‘I’m going on holiday for a week, when I’m back, would you like to go for a drink?’ I gladly accepted, and he followed me on instagram but from his fitness account

didn’t hear from him but week later when he was back, bumped into him again. Nice chat again and he said ‘so about that drink, I’ll text you, we’ll go to a nice bar.’ There’s like a connection between us and I’m very comfortable with touch, and as we were saying goodbye on Thursday, we like interlocked hands as I was saying goodbye.

3 days later, he’s not messaged me yet. And I had a look at his instagram, and saw I think he was dating a girl back in June. He still interacts with her social media posts, and looks like she’s connected to his family too (but she’s not related to him.) some older posts have captions like ‘power couple’

and all of a sudden I feel a bit stupid, like am I probably being played? He’s followed me from his fitness account and not his personal account too.

like maybe I’m stupid and men go on dates when they have girlfriends or could I be overthinking?

I was feeling really positive about it and now I don’t know if I should be?

 

im trying to trust men more but I just feel on high alert a lot 

 

[MissCanuck]

See if he actually asks you out. If he doesn't, meh, keep moving and don't give him another thought. 

25 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

I think he was dating a girl back in June

Why do you think he was dating her? 

[LovelyRoses]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

See if he actually asks you out. If he doesn't, meh, keep moving and don't give him another thought. 

Why do you think he was dating her? 

Back in December last year it has captions on his posts like ‘power couple.’ And he commented on one of her posts back in June with ‘wow unreal xx’ 

well he has mentioned the drink twice now. I kinda took that as being asked out, he seemed nervous to ask. Just waiting for a message to arrange 

 

i hope I’m not being stupid 

[MissCanuck]

She could indeed be an ex. That doesn't mean they're still dating now. 

11 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

he has mentioned the drink twice now. I kinda took that as being asked out

Yes, but see if he follows through and nails down an actual time/date. 

[LovelyRoses]

4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

She could indeed be an ex. That doesn't mean they're still dating now. 

Yes, but see if he follows through and nails down an actual time/date. 

They still hang out and interact on each others posts. 
 

im gonna be so fed up if he doesn’t nail time a time and date. Annoyed that I’ve got excited. Feel like I shouldn’t trust men 

[Kwothe28]

Fitness instructor at the gym? Yeah, if you are going to start trusting men again maybe probably dont start with somebody who is probably player, who touches his clients inappropriately and calls them for drinks but doesnt follow through. Because he probably has a girlfriend and likely 5 more just like you who he will also call for drinks when he remembers you exist. 

[MissCanuck]

3 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

They still hang out and interact on each others posts. 

So you know they are at least still friends. It doesn't mean they are still in a relationship but they are in each other's lives. 

If that doesn't sit well with you, forget grabbing a drink with him. 

4 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

Annoyed that I’ve got excited.

It's okay to be excited but don't get ahead of yourself until you see actions that support words (in this case, actually setting up a date)

[LovelyRoses]

3 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Fitness instructor at the gym? Yeah, if you are going to start trusting men again maybe probably dont start with somebody who is probably player, who touches his clients inappropriately and calls them for drinks but doesnt follow through. Because he probably has a girlfriend and likely 5 more just like you who he will also call for drinks when he remembers you exist. 

I’m not his client. But also it’s been nice to meet someone organically. And he doesn’t touch me inappropriately, he is very respectful and I feel comfortable.

 

I’ve just been feeling hopeless witb dating as I usually like very nerdy guys but nothing worked out. But this is the first time I’ve been asked out without using dating apps so I’m kinda proud of that.

 

I don’t want to assume he’s a player as that’s a stereotype. He could be lovely or I’m overthinking?

[Kwothe28]

1 minute ago, LovelyRoses said:

He could be lovely or I’m overthinking?

Sure, and I could be King of England.

If he was "lovely" he wouldnt only remember you exist and promised you a date when he saw you but follow through with request. Instead he immediately forgets you exist and doesnt message ever. Again, a player who probably does that to every other woman at that gym. And you shouldnt be basing your trust in men on actions of such lowlifes. 

[LovelyRoses]

7 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Sure, and I could be King of England.

If he was "lovely" he wouldnt only remember you exist and promised you a date when he saw you but follow through with request. Instead he immediately forgets you exist and doesnt message ever. Again, a player who probably does that to every other woman at that gym. And you shouldnt be basing your trust in men on actions of such lowlifes. 

He only follows 50 people on instagram but has 1000s of followers. There’s not a lot of women he follows. 
 

im not assuming he’s a low life, that’s quick to judge, I might receive a text shortly to arrange meeting next week. 
 

he’s already remembered a lot of little things about me

[MissCanuck]

2 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

I might receive a text shortly to arrange meeting next week. 

You might, yes. 

Are you going to be able to go into it feeling relaxed, though? You're already screening his socials and not comfortable with what you found. 

[LovelyRoses]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You might, yes. 

Are you going to be able to go into it feeling relaxed, though? You're already screening his socials and not comfortable with what you found. 

Well I dunno if I’m overthinking and yes I’m already comfortable as I’ve talked to him for like hours in total after his classes, so he’s not a total stranger.

maybe she’s just an ex. Like I still have my exes on social media and a couple of pictures witb them, and we still chat sometimes so maybe it’s just like that 

[MissCanuck]

Just now, LovelyRoses said:

yes I’m already comfortable as I’ve talked to him for like hours in total after his classes, so he’s not a total stranger.

No, that's not what I mean. 

I mean, are you going to be able to go for a drink without all these doubts and suspicions swriling around in your mind? 

[LovelyRoses]

8 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

No, that's not what I mean. 

I mean, are you going to be able to go for a drink without all these doubts and suspicions swriling around in your mind? 

Yes I think so. I want to go to the date and know how I can appropriately try to understand intentions and if he’s single 

[MissCanuck]

In that case, I would give it just a couple more days to see if he follows through and sets something up. 

After that, I'd write it off as low interest on his part. 

[LovelyRoses]

7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

In that case, I would give it just a couple more days to see if he follows through and sets something up. 

After that, I'd write it off as low interest on his part. 

Oh this is the most a guy has ever been interested in me in my life, that’s why it’s been so exciting 🙂

[LovelyRoses]

8 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

In that case, I would give it just a couple more days to see if he follows through and sets something up. 

After that, I'd write it off as low interest on his part. 

I also noticed his ex girlfriends parents still like his Instagram posts. Would they do that if they weren’t still togetehr?

 

im so confused. I didn’t realise a guy could suggest going for a drink if he’s not single. It kinda shocks me really. 
 

ugh feel like I’ll be single forever 

[MissCanuck]

Just now, LovelyRoses said:

Would they do that if they weren’t still togetehr?

I have no idea. Only these people could answer that. 

 

[MissCanuck]

You need to lay off the social media now. 

All of this wondering and fretting may not amount to anything anyway if he never actually arranges a date with you. 

[LovelyRoses]

16 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You need to lay off the social media now. 

All of this wondering and fretting may not amount to anything anyway if he never actually arranges a date with you. 

I don’t really use social media much actually, just check it once a day.

[MissCanuck]

Stop looking at his social media, I mean. 

He hasn't even set up a real date so you don't want to spend much energy thinking and wondering about him. 

[LovelyRoses]

8 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Stop looking at his social media, I mean. 

He hasn't even set up a real date so you don't want to spend much energy thinking and wondering about him. 

But isn’t it great he has suggested a date, why would he suggest date with no intention? 

[BeatPoet]

55 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

I also noticed his ex girlfriends parents still like his Instagram posts. Would they do that if they weren’t still togetehr?

That really doesn't matter much. My IG is followed by my in-laws after my divorce simply because they didn't unfollow me - or perhaps they still like to see the photos - but I was even followed last week by the mother of one of my ex-lovers... I wouldn't read anything into that. 

[MissCanuck]

18 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

isn’t it great he has suggested a date

Great? I mean, it's fine but it doesn't count for much if he doesn't come through. 

19 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said:

why would he suggest date with no intention? 

Maybe he had intent at the time but is involved again with this other person, or someone else. He could be the type who likes to have a couple different dates on his calendar and is planning things out. Or changed his mind for some reason. Who knows? 

The point is to see if actions match words, and not to stress about someone who hasn't yet put his money where his mouth is. 

[LovelyRoses]

49 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Great? I mean, it's fine but it doesn't count for much if he doesn't come through. 

Maybe he had intent at the time but is involved again with this other person, or someone else. He could be the type who likes to have a couple different dates on his calendar and is planning things out. Or changed his mind for some reason. Who knows? 

The point is to see if actions match words, and not to stress about someone who hasn't yet put his money where his mouth is. 

He only asked me 2 days ago though. Well he asked me for the drink 2 weeks ago, before his holiday. And then he saw me again when he got back and said ‘ah are you still interested in getting a drink? Thought we could go to a nice pub. I’ll text you.’