My friend just stopped responding after I did something kind?

[Cookie81]

My friend and I have known each other about 3 years now,  I'm in my 40s and he's in his 70s. Age gap but  that never mattered to us. This is a long distant friendship in which I  communicated with hand written letters to him. He happens to be in the creative arts in LA and into literature and has a few publications . We never really talked about stuff like that just basically talked about life overall like friends usually do. I made it clear to him many times I valued our friendship and never wanted him to ever think I had any ulterior motives and loved him as a friend. We  did have a 4 hour phone conversation  once too . He is  the one who continued to tell me he enjoyed my communication and really enjoyed snail mail. So I've been handwriting him over these years. He was reciprocating . He at one point told me that he would love my interpretations and inputs of his writings from his books ( there’s 3 total not too long and about his life) . Over the course of 3 years . a little at a time , I had wrote a bunch interpretation's and inputs. I did this for him because i felt we were friends and I was excited to do this for him. I finally mailed it to him , which was a few months back. It was a lot of work and i spent a lot of time, energy and effort . I'm  patient with him , but then I decided after a month to reach out to ask if he  he received it as I didn’t hear from him. He opened up the message and didn't respond. He had never done that before. 2 weeks later I asked again, this time I said he didn't have to discuss them or anything I just wanted to simply make sure he received it. He read my message and didn't respond. If there's people reading this thinking if he is forgetful , no he's not, he has his mind . I know he's fine because online I see him communicating and answering other questions snd conversing and going out with other people since then so I know he not sick or anything. I'm pretty upset because he has literally left me hanging and has not responded to any of my message's and he had not reciprocated since..it’s been several months now and still nothing. I  can't help but feel used and taken advantage of. I'm very upset because i miss the reciprocity and the friendship as we shared a lot of interests and he even called me a lost kindred spirit on a few occasions. I also trusted and opened up to him as a friend, something that I have not done in years ...and he knew this. 

[Jaunty]

Is he incarcerated?  

[ShySoul]

I'm sorry. I've had people I thought were great friends, even considered family, suddenly stop communicating with no explanation. I tried multiple times to reach out, only to get no response. It hurts. You do feel used and betrayed. You miss how close you thought you were and start to question if it ever really meant anything to them. You have ever right to be upset.

I don't know why some people do this. It could be any number of reasons, many having nothing to do with you. The best thing is to do is accept that life had other plans for the two of you and not dwell on it. This person was in your life for a time and it meant something special for that time. Remember and cherish the memories. Think of him as the person you knew then and try to let go of what you are feeling now. Some friendships are not meant to last, candles that burn brightly for a time before fading out. It's not worth holding onto anger, resentment, or sadness. Feel bad for a bit, grieve the loss. Then pick yourself up and realize he's going to be missing out on being friends with an amazing person.

[Cookie81]

Thank you, I appreciate your response. I wish people would just be honest and straightforward. I’d rather that then people left hanging. Your words helped me thank you. 

[ShySoul]

1 minute ago, Cookie81 said:

Thank you, I appreciate your response. I wish people would just be honest and straightforward. I’d rather that then people left hanging. Your words helped me thank you. 

A little bit of honesty goes a long way. It's surprising how many people can't just give a straight answer anymore. 

I looked at your prior posts. I assume this is the same guy? If so, you really have nothing to feel bad about. This is a problem on his end as he has done this before. He lacks basic communication skills and simple courtesy. I'm sure he is a fine person with many great qualities. And I'm sure you had a good friendship going. But for whatever reason he isn't good at responding. This is all on him. 

Don't let it get to you. You can do better. There are people out there who actually will respond and not leave you hanging. You deserve at least that much respect from a friend.

Hope you can find someone like that. Until then, just keep being you and doing what makes you happy.

[Cherylyn]

Something similar happened to me in the past.  Many times,  friendship has run its course.  Also,  many times,  yes,  people use you and when you're no longer convenient,  needed nor beneficial to them in any capacity,  they instantly discard you.  It's an awful to feel used.  I'm sorry you're experiencing this.  All you can do is to accept the situation for what it is even though you don't like it.  Then continue with your own life to the best of your ability. 

Take good care of yourself,  focus on your physical and mental health,  surround yourself with moral people and savor your peaceful solitude. 

Being with complex or complicated people even if it's long distance,  is often times,  high maintenance and unnecessarily stressful.  It's better to let go and end it. Living an unfettered, normal life is calmer and far better. 

In the past,  I corresponded long distance and while it had its perks,  after a while,  it felt impractical and taxing.  Ever since I've released this person from my life,  I've felt liberated and free.  It's refreshing to start anew and live a new normal.  I hope this will be you, too.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Cookie81 said:

He had never done that before.

Your posting history reveals something similar has happened before. A couple years ago, he didn't reply for several weeks. 

Considering the context and backstory in your other posts, I think it is safe to say that doesn't view (or value) this friendship the same way you do. You are quite emotionally invested, and he doesn't seem to be. It would be the kind and considerate move to at least acknowledge the receipt of what you sent him, yes. But I also get the sense he's trying to indirectly signal you to step back. 

He might even have a partner you're unaware of who doesn't like him communicating this way with you, and has asked him to cut it out. 

Either way, I think you would be best to take a lot of distance from him.