Advice for 35(M) thinking of DMing 21(F) stranger who seems to be my unique type

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, CaliforniaMan_ said:

This is the central question. I believe that I may be her dream man, whether rightfully or delusionally. Without stating explicitly what my future career will be, I am under the impression it is one that both she and her family value highly (based on our similar backgrounds). In my mind, I am just as rare to her as she is to me. Also, as I mentioned in my original post, some/many people say I look much younger than I am (most guess I am around 24-28). She isn't going to think she is getting messaged by a 35 year old guy. She is going to think she is getting messaged by maybe a 27 year old one. It is not that I am giving her a false impression. It is just that my age would not be disclosed until she hypothetically asks or the subject comes up (assuming that she even responds, obviously).

Given your intentions and beliefs and opinions I still understand there's nothing totally wrong with messaging her but if on top of all of that you're planning on not being forthcoming with your age and who you are -when you know hers and who she is- I'd caution you not to do this given your way of thinking - you are not a person who likely will stop at one contact and it might trigger more of this "way of thinking" (being quite careful with my words here) and you'll be unable to resist the temptation to follow up on your personal perspective of how she will receive this.

I think there is no possibility of this person wanting to interact with you given what you wrote above were she to learn even a little bit of it unless she is unstable or living in a very unstable or dangerous environment and somehow thinks you are her means of escape. Obviously since you know she is a college athlete at this time the chances of that are unlikely.

[SophiaG]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Given your intentions and beliefs and opinions I still understand there's nothing totally wrong with messaging her but if on top of all of that you're planning on not being forthcoming with your age and who you are

Yeah. This whole rationale of maybe she thinks you're 27 is so... uncomfortable. Just send a simple courteous message if you want OP and be done. Stop all the defending and justifying.

[yogacat]

23 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Sure but in this context -randomly messaging a woman much younger who he saw play at a game hours from his home? 

Sure he can just do it -again just contacting is perfectly legit but from all I read hear if she ignores he'll tell himself woe is me see no one I want wants me.  He doesn't need more of that. 

It was through a love of music one of them connected. They also had never met the other until they came across each other's profiles.

The age difference isn't that terrible. 

I don't know Batya. How else are they supposed to connect?

Sure, he could just move on and never know what could happen BUT the reverse could also be true.

It's a common thing to do nowadays, and it doesn't seem like he's going to be obsessive or creepy in his communication with her. And if she doesn't respond, then at least he tried and can move on. I'm sure both of those women were glad their husbands took the shot and reached out to them online.

[Batya33]

18 minutes ago, yogacat said:

It was through a love of music one of them connected. They also had never met the other until they came across each other's profiles.

The age difference isn't that terrible. 

I don't know Batya. How else are they supposed to connect?

Sure, he could just move on and never know what could happen BUT the reverse could also be true.

It's a common thing to do nowadays, and it doesn't seem like he's going to be obsessive or creepy in his communication with her. And if she doesn't respond, then at least he tried and can move on. I'm sure both of those women were glad their husbands took the shot and reached out to them online.

His follow up about his intentions and plans is very concerning to me.  We can agree to disagree.  Great story! Very different situation than what the OP has written IMO. I wrote many  times it is not wrong to contact once. I think in his situation great risk of it affecting him in a concerning way based on what he has written -his outlook/mental health etc and I don't think he'd restrain himself from contacting again.  JMHO.

[BeatPoet]

23 hours ago, CaliforniaMan_ said:

In my mind, I am just as rare to her as she is to me.

Well, okay then. 

 

[Morello]

Sorry, but this is wrong in all levels I can think of, and I’d confront you if you started to online stalk and reach out to a young female in my family. Also, the chance of this working (outside of dreamland) is 0.