Love bombing?

[Fantasyallure]

Just now, Batya33 said:

You've provided lots of details in this thread with a focus on your sexual history, your sexual experiences with him and a lot of details about how busy this guy's life is with kids and a huge loss in his life.  To me if a man doesn't try to reschedule ASAP it's as good as a decline - so that's likely where I got that from.  If he wanted to take you on a date he'd plan in advance.  If he's well enough to come over and put his penis inside you then he's well enough to take you outside for a date whether the movie or otherwise.  Watch his actions not his words.  You shouldn't have to press him.  He should be excited at the opportunity to take you out.  He obviously is not.

(My future husband asked me out weeks in advance at times because of his travel schedule -he wanted to make sure I'd be available on a Saturday night -and many men I dated who were interested in dating me planned in advance if it was for a weekend night especially.  When I was in a committed relationship we both put effort into planning dates).

Well his brother died literally like days after I asked him to take me to the movies his brother died on his bday, so no I'm not expecting him to reschedule a movie date , I was fine with him coming over that day 100% venting and needing a relief cool your brother just passed idk how people deal with grief I never dealt with death 

[Batya33]

Just now, Fantasyallure said:

I never said I date people lol. I said I entertain, talk. I've dated 3 people in real commitment relationships ever. Everyone else yes we were sleeping together. That's why I asked what is dating to you? Because what me and him are doing is not dating and I don't want to date anytime soon, we've only been talking for a month like I said. 

I wrote above more than once what dating is to me - "lol".  

You're not just talking to him.  You're having sexual intercourse and the focus of why you meet up is to have sex.  You wanted to have sex with him on the first night so you did.  I wrote a number of times that your approach is unlikely with rare exception to lead to proper dating.  You can go on a date and also talk while on the date. In fact talking is often a significant part of dating except if you're seeing a movie, a play, an opera -then you're quiet during the performance.  Going on a date is simply two people sharing an activitiy often in public.  I wrote above what it means to me and it's so odd to me you keep "forgetting" that.

[yogacat]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

(My future husband asked me out weeks in advance at times because of his travel schedule -he wanted to make sure I'd be available on a Saturday night -and many men I dated who were interested in dating me planned in advance if it was for a weekend night especially.  When I was in a committed relationship we both put effort into planning dates).

I had someone plan a date weeks in advance and I thought it was too far out.

I sent him a dear John text, maybe I was a bit hasty in hindsight.

But I agree. If he has time to come over for sex he has time to meet for a proper date.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Fantasyallure said:

Well his brother died literally like days after I asked him to take me to the movies his brother died on his bday, so no I'm not expecting him to reschedule a movie date , I was fine with him coming over that day 100% venting and needing a relief cool your brother just passed idk how people deal with grief I never dealt with death 

You're very fortunate and I hope you never have to deal with losing a loved one.

If he wanted to reschedule he would have IMO since he feels well enough to come over and get naked and have sex while grieving. 

[Fantasyallure]

1 minute ago, yogacat said:

I had someone plan a date weeks in advance and I thought it was too far out.

I sent him a dear John text, maybe I was a bit hasty in hindsight.

But I agree. If he has time to come over for sex he has time to meet for a proper date.

Oh so see I should have been bothered about the date thing then and I wasn't 🤷🏽‍♀️. 

[Batya33]

Just now, yogacat said:

I had someone plan a date weeks in advance and I thought it was too far out.

I sent him a dear John text, maybe I was a bit hasty in hindsight.

But I agree. If he has time to come over for sex he has time to meet for a proper date.

Sure that's your choice and to me it shows respect and thoughtfulness especially if it involves getting tickets to something.  My husband was going to be out of town and missed my bday -the year we got back together -so he asked if I was free two weeks from then when he would be back in town as he didn't want to miss the opportunity to see me again right after we got back together.  I typically didn't accept weekend dates if the man asked me after Wednesday evening. 

[Fantasyallure]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Sure that's your choice and to me it shows respect and thoughtfulness especially if it involves getting tickets to something.  My husband was going to be out of town and missed my bday -the year we got back together -so he asked if I was free two weeks from then when he would be back in town as he didn't want to miss the opportunity to see me again right after we got back together.  I typically didn't accept weekend dates if the man asked me after Wednesday evening. 

Everyone else is giving me the correct answers but you quite frankly. Thanks for the advice, but something about you is rubbing me wrong! 

[yogacat]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Sure that's your choice and to me it shows respect and thoughtfulness especially if it involves getting tickets to something.  My husband was going to be out of town and missed my bday -the year we got back together -so he asked if I was free two weeks from then when he would be back in town as he didn't want to miss the opportunity to see me again right after we got back together.  I typically didn't accept weekend dates if the man asked me after Wednesday evening. 

Yes. But he also said that he wasn't 100% sure about what he was going for with me- I guess I kind of got turned off after he said that even though he wanted to take me to see a movie that I had really wanted to see but it didn't come out for a couple weeks, and I had just gotten over being ill, so - being so confused and tired - I just canceled.  

[Fantasyallure]

anyways my options are speak up/ ask the questions or politely dismiss myself?! Hmmm ok noted. 

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said:

anyways my options are speak up/ ask the questions or politely dismiss myself?! Hmmm ok noted. 

Not to me.  Here are my suggestions.

Decide if you want to date in a traditional way -I wrote what that looked like IMHO.  If so move on from your sex partner as it is highly unlikely he wants to date you or is available to date given his evasive answers about the mother of his kids.

You can tell him using I statements "I've decided I'm looking for a relationship where I go on dates with the person and get to know them with potential for a serious relationship down the road. If you are interested in that with me please let me know and we can talk about it."  If he wants to date you he will JUMP at the opportunity IMO.

I wouldn't bother but no worries if you want to confirm he is not available to date you or interested in dating you.

If you want to date properly I'd stop having casual sex and one night stands and get more into the mindset of getting to know men by dating them in public and moving to your private home or his when you've gotten to know him through shared, fun, public activities.