Love bombing?

[Fantasyallure]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That doesn't mean he doesn't. If you re-read what I wrote, I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about how he might see it. He may not see it as any sort of bonding at all. Just a fun activity. Surely you realize the way you operate might not be the same way he does? 

Is there a reason you don't want to know how recently this baby was born? It's a rather significant factor, especially as far as his involvement with the mother goes. 

Same with his son, I asked about his son on one other occasion if he had started school or not other then that when he said he had kids i didnt ask anymore questions and hes just been open about what he's been open about regarding them both. I just nod and go on to another topic. Idk lol..... I just don't care for the conversations if there is no real intentions in the future or if he's still dealing with his bm. 

[MissCanuck]

2 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said:

or if he's still dealing with his bm. 

With his what? 

[Fantasyallure]

44 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

With his what? 

Babymother .. 

[MissCanuck]

You say you want to learn to date in a healthy way. 

Start by asking him what his involvment is with this woman. You can't approach dating in a constructive way if you avoid asking a very critical question. 

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Fantasyallure said:

Sorry you're making all those assumptions we use protection when we have sex. I have no intentions of having other kids at the moment. He brought condoms the first time we done it and been using them ever since.

Condoms are not foolproof as I am sure you know. I always used double protection when I didn't want an accidental pregnancy -condom and  the pill.  No method is foolproof so I am stating a fact not an assumption.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Fantasyallure said:

Same with his son, I asked about his son on one other occasion if he had started school or not other then that when he said he had kids i didnt ask anymore questions and hes just been open about what he's been open about regarding them both. I just nod and go on to another topic. Idk lol..... I just don't care for the conversations if there is no real intentions in the future or if he's still dealing with his bm. 

But you haven't asked if dealing means having intercourse/hooking up - and - so -he has time to come to your place and have sex and hang out -who's taking care of the infant -even if the infant sleeps through the night?

[Fantasyallure]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Condoms are not foolproof as I am sure you know. I always used double protection when I didn't want an accidental pregnancy -condom and  the pill.  No method is foolproof so I am stating a fact not an assumption.

Oh yeah no lol I've been on the pill and the shot before and it was no good for me so I'm not taking that route again.  But that's good for you! Everyone's body reacts differently. 

[Fantasyallure]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

But you haven't asked if dealing means having intercourse/hooking up - and - so -he has time to come to your place and have sex and hang out -who's taking care of the infant -even if the infant sleeps through the night?

The mother? lol I have had times where I have facetimed him when I'm free and he has his daughter (the infant). We hang out 1-2x every 2-3 weeks type he has 2 kids and I have 1. 

[HeartGoesOn]

I have to ask, "Were was your child when this guy was spending the night"?  Keep in mind that he was basically a stranger and if this took place, your child was at risk.

In short, he's using you for sex and nothing more. 

 

[Fantasyallure]

4 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

I have to ask, "Were was your child when this guy was spending the night"?  Keep in mind that he was basically a stranger and if this took place, your child was at risk.

In short, he's using you for sex and nothing more. 

 

Now why would I have my child A LITTLE GIRL around a guy? 😂😂😂 I might be a little dumb but definitely NOT that dumb at all. I don't play them games I got a lil girl!

[HeartGoesOn]

1 hour ago, Fantasyallure said:

Now why would I have my child A LITTLE GIRL around a guy? 😂😂😂 I might be a little dumb but definitely NOT that dumb at all. I don't play them games I got a lil girl!

No comment...

[Cherylyn]

Love bombing is a tactic used when a person is trying to get into your good graces.  They over do it with compliments,  flattery,  perhaps gifts,  attention,  "help,"  ingratiate themselves to you.  Love bombers demonstrate over zealous behavior towards you for the purpose of gaining favors from you or you benefit them somehow. 

I'm well versed regarding the subject of love bombing.  It has happened to me and some people whom I know.  It's a sneaky tactic and typical of narcissists and / or sociopaths.

Any time a person acts unnaturally nice and generous,  I become immediately suspicious because this is not normal behavior.  🫢 🤨

[Fantasyallure]

13 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Love bombing is a tactic used when a person is trying to get into your good graces.  They over do it with compliments,  flattery,  perhaps gifts,  attention,  "help,"  ingratiate themselves to you.  Love bombers demonstrate over zealous behavior towards you for the purpose of gaining favors from you or you benefit them somehow. 

I'm well versed regarding the subject of love bombing.  It has happened to me and some people whom I know.  It's a sneaky tactic and typical of narcissists and / or sociopaths.

Any time a person acts unnaturally nice and generous,  I become immediately suspicious because this is not normal behavior.  🫢 🤨

I'm always side eyeing anyone who is nice to me well a man 🫠 lol. So not love bombing, then he just enjoys my company and sex? 😔

[Fantasyallure]

52 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

No comment...

That's crazy you would even assume I would have my child around him lol. CRAZY!! I do have uhh family I can drop my child off too when I want to hang out. If I said I don't do intimacy what makes you think I'm bringing my child around guys? Thats WAY PAST INTIMACY

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Fantasyallure said:

Oh yeah no lol I've been on the pill and the shot before and it was no good for me so I'm not taking that route again.  But that's good for you! Everyone's body reacts differently. 

Right so you are using a method that has failure and since he has kids I assume you've discussed  your plans if there is an accidental pregnancy.

[SophiaG]

2 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said:

I'm always side eyeing anyone who is nice to me well a man 🫠 lol. So not love bombing, then he just enjoys my company and sex? 😔

But in this case he wasn't UNNATURALLY nice or generous to you. You two are having sex. For a man to show some affection and enjoy your company is quite natural.

[Cherylyn]

4 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said:

I'm always side eyeing anyone who is nice to me well a man 🫠 lol. So not love bombing, then he just enjoys my company and sex? 😔

He enjoys the benefits such as sex with you.  It's your call.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Fantasyallure said:

The mother? lol I have had times where I have facetimed him when I'm free and he has his daughter (the infant). We hang out 1-2x every 2-3 weeks type he has 2 kids and I have 1. 

For the last month.  So you have seen him a handful of times to hang out and you started having sex early on or right away. I was a SAHM with an infant.  I rarely had time to facetime/text when he was that little because I was constantly giving him my full attention except during nap (when I got housework done and sometimes talked on the phone) but ok.  This sounds like a typical sexual arrangement from his perspective.

[Fantasyallure]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

For the last month.  So you have seen him a handful of times to hang out and you started having sex early on or right away. I was a SAHM with an infant.  I rarely had time to facetime/text when he was that little because I was constantly giving him my full attention except during nap (when I got housework done and sometimes talked on the phone) but ok.  This sounds like a typical sexual arrangement from his perspective.

Well he doesn't live in the same household with the child. And we've seen eachother 8x in 1 month. I log everytime we have sex in my period calender. That's not alot to me 🤷🏽‍♀️ but lol we don't always just sit up on the phone and text and call. I said I called him when I was free he answered he had his daughter in his arms he said he will call me later and that was that. When he came over last time he said "I would love to see you more but you know we both have kids and etc etc" so no I think you think we see eachother ALL THE TIME. 

[Fantasyallure]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

For the last month.  So you have seen him a handful of times to hang out and you started having sex early on or right away. I was a SAHM with an infant.  I rarely had time to facetime/text when he was that little because I was constantly giving him my full attention except during nap (when I got housework done and sometimes talked on the phone) but ok.  This sounds like a typical sexual arrangement from his perspective.

Sept 10th made it a month of us talking. And in this whole time frame I have seen him 8x 

[Fantasyallure]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

For the last month.  So you have seen him a handful of times to hang out and you started having sex early on or right away. I was a SAHM with an infant.  I rarely had time to facetime/text when he was that little because I was constantly giving him my full attention except during nap (when I got housework done and sometimes talked on the phone) but ok.  This sounds like a typical sexual arrangement from his perspective.

And yes I had sex with him BECAUSE I WANTED too it was a mutual thing *** when I seen him the first day I told myself yeah I wanna ***! 😂😂

[Fantasyallure]

9 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

He enjoys the benefits such as sex with you.  It's your call.

Oh okay so I should just tell him I want the sex without all the extra showering and bathing together, because like I said I'm not the one initiating those things and I rather not do it if we just having sex ya know? Keep it strictly about the sheets we don't gotta dive into eachothers lives and have sleepovers 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said:

Oh okay so I should just tell him I want the sex without all the extra showering and bathing together, because like I said I'm not the one initiating those things and I rather not do it if we just having sex ya know? Keep it strictly about the sheets we don't gotta dive into eachothers lives and have sleepovers 

Yes and it takes two -who cares who initiates -it takes two to consent.  I'd limit it to meeting up to have sex and limit the facetiming etc too. And don't ask him to take you out on a date because you'll get upset again if he says no or gets evasive about it.

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said:

And yes I had sex with him BECAUSE I WANTED too it was a mutual thing *** when I seen him the first day I told myself yeah I wanna ***! 😂😂

Awesome -continue to do what you feel like doing!

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said:

Sept 10th made it a month of us talking. And in this whole time frame I have seen him 8x 

Sounds  good -hope you continue to enjoy the sex with him. And I agree with the others -he is not love bombing you -he's simply a man who likes meeting up to have sex with you. And you like having sex with him so it all works.